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Yesterday, my 89 year old and frail mother fell when I was not here. Later that evening, I heard her cry in pain outside. She said her knee was hurt bad. I had to help her back into the house to a chair. When asked, she flat out and lucidly refused seeking medical help. She is having a very difficult time walking around and such. I have been helping her (I am staying with her in her house to help) as much as she allows such as with the chores and food and all. I found her on the floor today...sitting up but unable to get back on her feet and waiting for me to help her up. She has been going "downhill" at an increasing rate in recent months, but keeps a good schedule and has energy. She gave me a document years back giving me power of Attorney if she becomes unable to make decisions. Her wishes have been that even if she is having a hard time, she wants to stay in her home with as little assistance as possible, even if it is rough. And that would include not letting me put in grips and such near the toilets and shower. I am wanting to and trying to honor those wishes and am willing to stay on here helping...but there are some who would say that I need to just "force" her to see a doctor or bring one here to see her, for "her own good". I prefer to help her live by her wishes, and do not think if she is lucid that such a thing can be forced anyway. Anyone else with something similar. Is my thinking straight here...to let her go with her wishes?

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most bedside commodes nowdays are intended to sit around / over the existing toilet. it enhanced seat height and provides arm rails. the crapper is one place that requires much lower body strength to get on and off. she might be conned into trying that one.
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OK. The simple reality is that adding grab bars and safety features REDUCES the amount of "assistance" you need as well as reducing the risk of injury. If her desire is to stay in her own home, adaptations to that home will make it more likely she can do so for much longer. See about getting an OT evaluation at home. I am afraid that by "lucid" you simply mean intelligble speech, not clear thinking...one does not guarantee the other. On the floor and unable to get up or to call for help is not a good place to be; preventive measures need to be insisted on.

Even my mom who was losing a lot of abilities to manage various things, and hiding that pretty successfully because she wanted so badly to stay in her own home would use a walker and avoid falling. She would not use a page magnifier though and that helped get her into trouble with meds for both her and my Dad more than once. If you think about it, using a piece of equipment makes you safer and more independent, not less. Possibly some in-home or outpatient physical therapy could restore a little better strength and balance as well. If you want her to have her wish of staying in her own home, you are going to have to get her to think outside of that "box" or refusing to adapt, modify, and use some simple technology!
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id gradually drill into her that a broken bone is the end of the line. once bedfast she wont be getting back up, muscle wasting and pneumonia will kill her. my demented mom even took notice of those warnings. i like her defiance but the right scare will turn her around. my mom bout fell into the bath tub one night and then a sapling screwed to the wall became a great idea.
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Thank you pstiegman for that advice and I agree and have had witnesses. The post above about not wiping one's self etc...I am not sure where that came from but I don't remember bringing anything up about that and is nowhere near relevant to the current situation I asked about. But thanks anyway.
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To protect yourself from being charged with neglect, you will need witnesses or a videotape of her refusing to see a doctor or get help. She can live and die on her own terms, but don't be charged with manslaughter in the process.
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... oh .. and having all the medPros and family "insist" that further "improved" care is in my best interest. Really? Just gimme the overdose, will ya?
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What's rational about being unable to wipe your own butt, restricted to minimal movements, drooling all over yourself after a stroke and not being able to intelligently communicate that everything hurts?
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Stubborn insistence on no assistance as circumstances change is not rational thinking.
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Thanks, good words and I agree. I asked a social worker over once and she also talked to my mother but my mom is pretty tough and boisterous when it comes to "hands off".
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It's one thing for the individual to say, "I'll take it, whatever it is, even if it's rough," and another when that stance means it will be harder .. even dangerous .. without certain things, like rails by the toilet. As long as she's lucid, try talking to her about some of the more obvious things like, "Mom, are you saying that you WANT to fall and hurt yourself so badly that I'll have to call 911 because you broke your hip? Do you want to just lie there with a broken hip, in pain, screaming because I can't have a doctor look at you and prescribe pain relievers?"

Let me say that I completely GET where she's coming from. I have a DNR that specifically states: "No invasive procedures" .. that means no needles, IVs or surgery. EVER. And I really mean it (I **detest** western medicine and don't want them putting their hands on me). And, I've had to consider what that might mean as I age, even further, especially for those who might have to help me cope. I'm doing what I can, to remain healthy, but .. accidents happen (*knocks on wood*) and gods know what that could entail.

"With as little assistance as possible" .. if those are actually the words of the document .. can be interpreted in a number of ways, though I get that you understand the underlying intent. She's obviously accepting your assistance to get up and walk or move to a chair, it's hardly a few steps further to provide a SAFE environment to *avoid* problems. It doesn't have to signify weakness. It's about being smart. I assume she wants quality for what's left of her time on earth. Approach her from that perspective, with some twists tossed in and maybe it'll make both your lives easier.
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