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No dementia, active, invovled with them, we were all somewhat worried about his heart. He died April 23 in a hospital out of town. His papers instructed instant cremation, he had told me where to privately scatter the ashes, wanted no memorial or other ceremony. If other people wanted to organize one at the Community Center, okay, but I should stay out of it -- which I will do!

Daughter and I are dealing well with our grief. Daughter is moving in with me so we are keeping busy with practical things.

I'm okay but I couldn't deal with friends' sympathy right now. Not even cards or emails.

Daughter doesn't mind dealing with outsiders, but all three of us would like more time before that's needed. Luckily no one has called or come by, but if they do, we would have to be honest.

So, how long can we keep quiet without people being hurt or offended when they find out? This is a small, emotionally-close community of retired people, though our homes are wide apart in the woods, no stores to run into people at.

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Flora, I'm so sorry for your loss. Could your daughter perhaps post a notice at the communty center saying something like " Regret to announce the passing of H on April 23. At this time, the family requests no calls or emails"? When people get upset by what others want at times of birth, death and tragedy, I don't let it bother me. It is, after all, what You want that counts. Do as you please.
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I'm sorry for your loss...I would say take as long as you need. This is about your process and not other peoples'.

Since there's no memorial service, people can express sympathy whenever they hear about it, whether it's in a week or three months. So don't worry, just process your grief and sadness on your own timeframe.
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