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My 86 year old mother was diagnosed with AD in February this year. It was very quick as she was still driving and independent before the holidays. She has progressed very quickly and is now wheelchair bound and needs 24 care. She is in rehab now due to an infection...but doesn't have much time left there due to Insurance. I have to bring her home because of the spend down issue. I am helpless, hopeless and sad. I have siblings who are supportive as we are in the same boat and only care about doing what is right for her. Her case is unusual as it has taken over very fast...but is definitely AD. Has had MRI and neurologist and geri-psych evals...etc. Her anxiety is out of control, and there is no comforting her. Have tried many different medications and nothing has touched the anxiety. Please help with suggestions....I am sick just thinking about what today will bring.

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Sorry. I do understand that you are not rolling in money. All I meant was that you might want to spend a few hundred a month to hire some help so you are not on duty every minute of every day, because that will shorten YOUR life.

I imagine your heart is broken to see her go downhill so fast. Money troubles on top of sadness. That's a lot to handle.
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It is my mother who I am taking home. We/she has nowhere near 11,000, period. That is what the NH costs monthly. That's what would be billed without being Medicaid approved.
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You should use part of that 11,000 a month that you are saving to get some assistance so that you are not caring for her 24/7. You cannot do this without help. Look into volunteers as well as paid HHA's.

I only did this for a short time, but what killed me was when my father started waking up every hour all night long. Every two hours I could handle!!!

$11,000 a month? Wow! I also live in MA, and you're scaring me!
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I guess I miss understood..So you will be taking her home?? Good luck with that..;; Is it your Mom or your husband's Mom???
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Unfortunately, with the speed this disease came about, my mother has made major purchases and sales and given money to children and grandchildren...we did not prepare because we did not know. She will have a 10 month disqualification...or we pay 11,000 a month for NH. This must happen to other people to. I will do the best I can with her at home, but I am afraid because her care is 24 hands on and I do not know if I am capable. I will try and pray for strength.
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So glad to hear that you and your husband are on the same page...It is unfortunate that this happens to most people but you've made the right decision...
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My husband feels his mom's assessts are hers for her care. We have decided we will not quite our jobs to take care of her, but use her assets. She anticipated this however did not make good financial decisions to avoid the situation. It is sad to see her lifetime of savings to possibly be spent on a few years of care. My husband and I will be putting our assessts in an estate that will permit them to be passed to our children regardless of what care we may need. We all need to think ahead. Do what needs to be done before it needs to be done.
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Not knowing what the spend down issues are, it seems you plan to keep her home until she passes? Then you'll have no issues with spend down? But if you need to keep her in NH then you'll need to sell her assets to pay NH bill...They will go back 5 yrs of her spending to decide if the money she spent was legit...

24 hr. care? That's a lot for you to take on...Just remember her assets are meant to take care of her in exactly this situation...If you need to spend down sell her home or etc... that's what she has been saving for...

Please don't give up your life for the inheritance ....I know you said your siblings are supportive but 1 of you will be taking her to "their" home, and that's a lot to ask of someone...
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