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My wife has been appointed a guardian by the State of Washington and it is not me.
The Step Children (whom were in the 35 year marriage), very much approved of our marriage, and then (yes I am an attorney), like the statement goes, "a shoe maker without shoes for his children", I really dropped the ball. Then of course my wife has been diagnosed with the middle to 3/4 stage of Dementia. I state it that way, because I am well aware that there are many forms, I guess over 100 of Dementia, and she was diagnosed a 82 year old woman, whom is vulnerable.

I am at a large loss for this, and at the end of the day, I wonder what in the world, could I have done to have my step children just really do nothing short of trying to kick me out of their mother's life. We again, have been married for 35 years. This is not a short term marriage. We build a life together. When the Guardian At Litem for WA state took statements, she did not interview anyone that knows my, (sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles (still living), as well as nieces and nephews, that at the age of 16 are willing to assist me, without being asked.

I feel like, here I am an attorney, and there is something I am not understanding.

This is a very important question not only for me, one whom is already living the horror, of being told how awful of a person you are, because they have the legal right to give me legal verbal abuse. I have spent over $35,000 in resources that I didn't have, to try and get the Guardian to keep my wife in her own home. That failed. I have filed a document with a few people as a group for "defamation of character".

I just don't understand. There is not a large amount of money. There are 4 children, that two month's ago were working with me. Now, something has sparked their interest to be against me.

So this is the series of events:

Wife and I have been married since 1980.
We brought up all of our children together, and I raised my step daughter from the age of 6 months, and my step son from the age of 4 years!
They spoke with me and stated to my assistant, "when I had my private law firm" that "I was the best step dad that they could have asked for"".
They served me papers when it was apparent that their mom was declining with an illness named "Dementia"
She had been diagnosed 2 years before by a formal doctor.
We have exhausted 2 years of 24 hour care, which was "court ordered" because they stated that I was gone 4 - 5 nights. This is totally untrue, obviously my statements with American Express and Billing Statements would show my itineraries, which I have provided (everything to the courts, but my kitchen sink), and I am at a loss.
My wife was forced to move into an AFH 12 month's ago.
I have a very sparse practice, due to my concentration of defending myself, with the goal of seeing that my wife is allowed to move back where she wants to.
I make enough to provide for her, but I do not have enough reserves at this point for 24/7 care at $25.00 per hour. That is ALOT OF RESOURCES.

THIS IS SO LONG, I will stop there, for all of you wonderful people to assist me.

Thanks to all.

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sorry real people here. (not hear). geesh.. I am tired.
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Thanks to all of you, one more day has gone by, the reality that people are not trusting is clearer and clearer, and I am of an age, where you would say "you should know that". Somewhere deep down in I think all of us, we always hope that people are better than the way they act sometimes.
II had an all day emergency with my client and spent my 3 hour day working for over 11 hours. It was long and exhausting, but I will say, she is softening her heart, being very sweet, unconditional care for me, and four month's ago, this is, was. I looked up today, and because of all that happened in my life, I thought, my where did the weekend go? Thank you again for those that supported, and showed me that there are real people hear, and especially for the person that share with me what trolling is, and that many of you have been hit hard by this, and I am very fortunate to never have been affected by those whom really don't care about us as humans that really are so concerned about the humans that are affectec

I wisj
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Kaydeb, I'm sorry for your troubles.
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oops THREAD, NOT THREAT (great), I am tired. Going to sleep for an hour.
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Thank you for your support vegaslady! and FreqFlyer, and many more whom have not posted on this threat.
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You were not being attacked. The content made the poster, who was under your handle, sound like an idiot. There was no way to know that the drivel that was written was by someone who hijacked your computer. I don't have the energy to go back and figure out who posted different threads who who all everyone is caring for. I respond to what I see and if the poster comes across as an idiot I'll call it out. What a bad thing to have happened to you. You've learned a lesson on not to trust someone who is obviously so dysfunctional. Now is we could all learn that in regards to our dysfunctional families and acquaintances we all would benefit from what has happened.
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Kaydeb, in the past I have seen AgingCare take down a screen name and replace it with a generic name/numbers... that way the original question can remain but your screen name wouldn't be linked to the original question.
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NOW THAT WAS LONG :-)

THANK YOU "FF"
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To calm, and I am stating this because I have contacted a few people whom were very kind, that two and two did not go together, everyone's mind, I am going to state the following:

After discussions with Agingcare.com and members that were kind enough to reach out to me as well as for me to reach out to them, let it be known that I have watched this horrific experience of what happens when someone gets ahold of your computer when you are logged in.

I have not responded until now, because there are obvious scammers, spammers out there, and Garden, Surprise, STP, Vegaslady (you have given me hugs before), Garden Artist (you liked my comment that I gave to the woman who's caregiver snuck out at night), and she (snooz reached out to me, and used my letter to terminate her caregiver), Garden AGAIN, FreqFlyer (thank you for our conversation, and giving me the advise to do this). Pamstegman, I want to thank you and or whomever wrote, but you answered, truly, honestly and with the best of intent and never ever searched me, attacked me, or took an ounce out your day to write distasteful comments.

If you have comments, and if they are going to be quizzical, please think of me, think of what I have had to go through, listening to those of you whom have been pretty critical, and here you are worried about copy/paste/spam/dual personality, and one horrific, god awful stomach turning incident happened, my account was used, when I was away from my computer, and it was used by someone whom I thought was a semi acquaintance and I thought they were doing something else, and I had Agingcare.com in my minimize box. He and I talking about Agingcare.com before, but I have been in the worst stomach ache physically sick shock, just to sit here and to read all that you think of me. Maybe that is why I am a good caregiver, I do care a lot about myself, and about other people. I do not care at all for anyone who steals, and abuses my things, and my accounts. I contacted Agingcare.com immediately, and I wanted to do the right thing, then the answers started coming in. I am not smart enough to do any of the things people suggested. I am one of those people that stays away from the computer for that reason. I too, do not have my email connected to any online websites. Regardless this has really opened my eyes up, and to all of you, even those of you that were reeling in for an answer, and were less than nice, my apologies, and I state that because this was written on my account, and this is not the caregiver whom is married, this is a person that I know that was around my computer.

When I later logged in and realized what transpired, I was in complete disbelief. I realize you all are not out there to hear this, but one person whom I wrote to that was on this site when this was going on, really was kind and I thank her for really giving me the advice to do this regardless of those that are going to have their comments.

I would have hoped that this was the kind of site that I could reach out to, and ask for help, and if any of you have any advice, other than (don't trust acquaintances), please let me know.

Garden: I don't even know what a troll is? I guess, after coming home and seeing two very nice personal mails from people on here, and talking with Agingcare.com, I decided that enough was enough. Agingcare was kind, and I know now, I am way too trusting, and all I can ask the 6 - 7 of you is to move on to a different question. I have already discontinued any contact with that person, (yes, he states he is an attorney), I think he knew exactly what he was doing? I am far from pleased.

I work in caregiving, and it dawned on me, that at any time, when my computer is logged in, any family member could use my accounts also. Like I said, naive, too trusting, are the worst of words that I would use for this. If you think otherwise, would you please keep it to yourself? If you have advice, I would kindly accept it.

This was a person, that I barely knew, now, that I don't want to know, that used my account, and I couldn't even tell you what is going on, other than his wife is in an Adult Family home, and there is a bunch of legal stuff, and yes to one of you he was stupid enough as an attorney not to have his duck's in a row. I know this is their 2nd marriage? and a total of 4 kids. Turmoil, and guardian stuff, and obviously I have learned much more from the post.

I am a caregiver (professional), I am a human being, and I have two college degrees. One in Psychology (1981) and One in Interdisciplinary Arts and Sciences (1997). My mother fell ill to Alzheimer's 8 plus years ago, and I quit my corporate life to assist my mom and dad, because the quality of care was not good, at least what I thought was up to the standards of what we thought as a family that I could bring in.

I brought my mother and father home with me and my husband, for two years, as it was killing my father for her to take care of her himself. It has turned out later that he has been diagnosed with Dementia. I have advanced training, education in Alzheimer's and Dementia. After two years, it was necessary because of the advancement of my mother's Alzheimer's that she be placed in Assisted Living where she is. My father lives with my sister. (They just celebrated their 67th? wedding anniversary}, he goes there three times a week to be with her. She barely knows who he is. She thinks it is her father, and it breaks my heart. It is very hard, but that is what I live with day in day out. I see my mother 5 days a week, and one day we go out on an adventure, and driving too far from her facility makes her nervous. We have lunch and coffee, she is in a different world, but that is the woman that raised me the very best she could, and I will honor her and praise her the rest of her life, and my life. I love both of them dearly. My heart goes out to all of you, whom have the 24/7 no pay, but your parents would thank you, and the world thanks you. After my mother was in a home, I pursued this full time, and marketed myself online, and also in person. I have and could work 365 days a year I have so many demands. This is a hard business, and the reality is that anytime you fill or decide to take any caregiving job, you are entering a family of 75 years (or how ever old the client is) baggage, wants, wishes, desires. It is very difficult on that end, but I absolutely love what I do. I have the compassion, love, desire, boundaries, and uniqueness, to be very successful, and to know when to walk away, or give your notice, or to turn down a situation.

Agingcare.com, during all of my different and sometimes difficult jobs, and they have ended either due to 1) Death, 2) Brother, Sister, In-laws, etc. (family member) decides to have the parent or parent(s) live with them to save money or 3) the family decides to move the client/patient to assisted or skilled living 24/7.
I have focused on Alzheimer's Dementia, but have also had Parkinson's and just general ADL (Activities of Daily Living).
My goal, when my mother did not need assistance in the way I used to give her was day by day, one by one, make a difference in our society, and that, I believe I have done.
It really made me sick, honestly, to see the few set of people, honestly looking at me as I was some sort of creep, that being said, I hope the comments if any are positive, as this is from my heart.
Regardless, I have continued to work with the woman that has temper tantrums, and she is really working on it. She has many other attributes and has learned that there are people in this world (me), that do care and love her, regardless of some personal issues she has. Day by day, we continue to make her life better.
Regarding the people that I cook for and walk the woman with Fibromyalgia, they really enjoy me, and the wife very much likes the friendship we have developed. She has extremely bad vertigo, which keeps her laying down most of the time. I try to really learn from each family, person, and realize, exactly how very lucky I am to be healthy.
The woman that had the 30 year old daughter which is where kaydeb came from has decided, and it was really because I told her that I just could not continue to drive 40 miles per day, as the hours were down to 2 per day, to put her in assisted living. At first, she tried another caregiver, and as I expected, her Alzheimer's is much worse, and it broke my heart to hear her daughter think that watching her from a nanny cam at work would make isolation ok. Regardless, I contact her (the mother) on a monthly basis, and she remembers me, and I pick her up for coffee every once in a while.
I was watching a woman (and her husband) Sat. 8p - Sun 8a, and Sun 8p - Sun 8a, but it just got to be too much. She was the woman with Parkinson's Disease and she really was a concern for me because she is legally a two person assist lift, and I was very worried about her, and about one of her caregivers hurting themselves. Regardless, I just could not fit the time in, with the new woman that I took on 3 1/2 month's ago. I do miss them, as they were a very kind family.
One thing that I have learned about this business, is that it is a very compassionate, business, and I see an incredible amount of loneliness. It is my desire and I believe I do, attempt to make sure when I walk into a grocery store, and see someone, to smile, and make that extra effort. I don't think that I realized, until 8 years ago, just how large, being alone, and isolation is in our Nation, and the the World. It is one of the biggest reasons for depression.

So, to all of you regardless, of how I have written in the past, we are all human. Agingcare.com is a very welcoming site for those or any of us in the Agingcare situation. They have many categories that you can post your questions too!

I have learned, and believe it or not, this is one of my worst issues, is that I do trust people way too much. I thought the person using my computer was reading things on Aging care, and was creating his own site. I am embarrassed, and totally dumfounded with exasperation that someone would go into my person thread, and create this as if he had no clue. That being said, I realize that as one person put it, this person, and when I state acquaintance, I don't even think that now, does not think about others at all. That is a totally different conversation for him, but for all of you, you are the people that I depend on. I know that one woman depended on me, and wrote to me regarding her situation. Her caregiver was sneaking out of the house. She used and added to the letter I gave her a sample of, and to me that is what this website is for. She contacted me personally to thank me, that that again is what we are all here for "each other".

Thank you to the person that knows who they are for the suggestion to do this. However your one or two lines of stating what happened, ended up being the reality of my caregiving, and that things really awful can happen to people that you think you can trust. It was very nice of you to respond and to support me. I very much appreciate that. Agingcare.com, thank you for your understanding, and realizing how bad things do happen to good people.

I realize that there are nasty people in this world. I realize that there are people that have nothing better to do than be negative people and give their authoritative opinions, but to me, this site is something that I have come to, in the time of despair, in the time of need, and hurt and anger, which answer's garden's statement, of course people are not going to have the same writing style. I think I have been on this site for 2 - 3 years, and I have received some very good advice, regarding my sisters, and my parents, and their wills, and the Alzhiemer's woman daughter, and I know for sure the woman I am watching now.

Thank you all for listening, and thank you for giving me a chance to say that I am sorry, and I have learned a lesson, and I hope that if anyone knows how to remove a post let me know. Agingcare.com stated they would, but far too much time has gone by.

Sincerely,
D.
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Sunrise, I also changed my e-mail address to an online one so that nothing from this site comes directly to my e-mail software. I've had too many problems with this site after challenging one of the trolls.

As to Kaydeb, I think it might be a troll with dual personalities. There's a distinct difference in the writing style of the various posts this person(s) has made.
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I bet it's a spammer who's collecting our emails. I have a separate email for AG so it won't work on me!
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I do think what's kaydeb is doing "copy and paste".
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I'm with GardenArtist and vegaslady! I'm confused that kaydeb is someone's wife or husband?
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Isn't it fun when people post puzzles related to their fantasy world instead of real life? Keeps us on our toes!
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You wrote in this post, "How to deal with a woman that you work for? (Asked by 19591948kaydeb | Jun 18, 2014 )

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/deal-with-a-woman-that-you-work-for-169538.htm

"that is 78 and really needs your help, and is in a skilled nursing facility, but is being down right brutal to you, and blaming you for things, and being very uncalled for, and thinks that the only reason I am working for her is her money.

How do you respond, when in reality, I will quit tomorrow if she continues abusing me?

Thanks."

Later in that post you wrote:

"I am her only caregiver, along with my husband, ... My husband is assisting me ... .

There are a series of posts here (http://m.agingcare.com/questions/go-to-court-to-request-new-executor-163830.htm) in which you describe your life and your two sons. And you do have a husband.

Yet in this post you're a husband with stepchildren.

So, which is it? Are you the husband or the wife?
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19591948kaydeb, I am confused.... in many of your other recent postings you say you are married with a husband, 3 children, and working as a Caregiver.

Please clarify.
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Something's fishy here.

19591948kaydeb posted on the "Caregiver Sneaks out at Night" post,

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/caregiver-sneaks-out-at-night-170638.htm?cpage=2:

advising the OP to “...Go to ", adding that "you can hire a individual, which is where I do all my marketing, and yes, there are good candidates, and not qualified, and you set up an account, put your zip code in and write what you need. ...”

19591948kaydeb posts here, claiming to be an attorney who didn't have the foresight to prepare EP documents, has lost control of his wife's care because of various issues? And of course, the standard tearjerker: stepchildren are against you.

You don't write like an attorney; you don't interpret issues and facts like an attorney. If Pam is right and you too have some element of dementia, that might explain the inconsistencies, but frankly I doubt you’ve even set foot in law school.
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Have faith in knowing that whoever the Guardian is, that person is under the supervision of the surrogate's court. Sit down and do YOUR will, your advanced directives and designate a DPOA and Health Care Proxy.
See your own neurologist and certify that all your faculties are in place.
Separate your finances from your wife's be sure all accounts are separate. You handle yours, the Guardian handles hers.
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