Diabetic, passive-aggressive Mom won't leave room for food/meds. What should I do?

How old is your mom? Are you sure she's mentally sound? If she is, I'd explain the consequences of not eating/taking her meds and if she refuses, she refuses. If she collapses, call 911 and get her into the hospital. She's making decisions and there are consequences to those decisions. I don't see that it's your responsibility to enable her dysfunction. I'd also let her doctor know what she's doing on the weekend.

I have a feeling there's a lot of history and this type of behavior is a very old pattern with her. Is that right?

Since she doesn't have memory issues, she's not going to starve. Just let her be. If she's not getting the attention, eventually she will stop doing that.

Shoshana, if I'm reading your second post correctly, she'll eat and TAKE her meds. She just wants you to bring them to her? Well, me? I'd bring them to her. Sit 'em down close by, go out and shut the door.

Don't play her passive-aggressive games with her. Bring them to her room, and then what she does from there is on her. You can't cram them down her throat.

Is there a history of mental illness here, or is this a power struggle or both? Does the weekday caregiver giver her the insulin or does she self administer? Sounds like she needs a higher level of care than she currently receives. And yes, call 911 when she collapses and work with the social worker at the hospital to get her a good placement. And while she's hospitalized, make sure you have her evaluated by psychiatry.

She is showtiming for the caregiver, and being stubborn with you because she wants CONTROL. Somehow the weekday caregiver makes her think she is in control. Find out how the CG does that, she is a good manipulator.

She's currently on antidepressants, she's (very) noncompliant with her diet (McDonalds and ice cream are favorites). She moved up north from Fla to live with us after my father died 5 years ago. Her functioning and compliance are steadily eroding. Yes, I'd say she has a hx of mental illness, specifically personality disorders. She's frequently passive aggressive with me. Caregiver is a family friend, she has a lot of patience - mother is not rude to caregiver, doesn't push her buttons. Caregiver is here for breakfast & lunch Mon through Fri, another woman comes three times per week to give her a bath. Mother finally got out of bed today at 3:00 p.m., her diaper was soaked. Instead of coming to the kitchen, she went back to her reclining chair (where she sleeps).

I just brought a sandwich, beverage, insulin, meds to her room. I didn't want to reward this behavior, but than my reluctance to serve her, I never wanted to hear my daughter say, "nana wouldn't have died if you'd just brought her the medicine." So there you have it.

Yes, since my mother refuses to participate in the minimum activities of daily living, she needs more care than I can provide (full time employed, single mom). This is the most difficult, unrewarding thing I could ever imagine doing. Thank you all so very much for listening.

Shoshana, sounds like your Mom could be bored.... no wonder she doesn't want to get out of her room, and when she does she heads to her recliner [wish those things were never invented because some people tend to be glued to them instead of moving around].

Did your Mom ever enjoy cooking? If yes, ask her to help you and your daughter in the kitchen to give advice on what to do [even if you know exactly what to do], it will make her feel like she has control.

Is your Mom mobile enough to go to a Senior Day Care center? She needs to be around other people with new topics and new thing to do... even if it is watching a movie with other people her age.

I just leave her alone, she might have a foods and water in her bedroom? I called "Patient's Right"
You are offering meds and meals so no abuse here.... plus your mother is not demented, sound a like exactly what she is doing..... but make sure she is not suicidal.

Since you recognize that she needs more care than you can provide *as a single working mother, no less!, are you looking into alternative options? Do you need help with that?

I would not be so certain that her mind is sharp. This does not sound like good mental health behavior to me.

I know she won't starve but she's diabetic. What are the medical consequences of not taking insulin? Is it ethical for me to allow her to sit in her room? Since nothing I've tried (pleading, cajoling, encouraging, grumping) will get her to move, the only other option besides letting her sit is to bring food/meds to her room. I am very loathe to do that. If she doesn't keep moving, even this tiny bit, she won't be able to move at all.