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After my Dad passed away, Mom pretty much gave up. She won't help me with anything even though I've asked her to. She also doesn't help financialy other than maybe chip in when we eat out. I get very frustrated with her when it's time to go somewhere because she doesn't remember to or doesn't want to get ready to go. I can tell her 3 times to get ready and she still sits there. We've been late to appts. for this reason. I feel like I'm yelling at her all the time to do things but she won't listen. I need help dealing with her. I feel like she does things to antagonize me, but I'm sure it's just her diabetes and dimentia. Suggestions? She also doesn't want to take showers. She will do sponge baths but not showers. I feel like we argue all the time.

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My Dad passed away 3 years ago. Mom has lived with us for about 2.5 years. I just took her to the doctor last Friday. One suggestion he had was to make up flash cards for Mom telling her what she needs to do each day of the week. I haven't done that yet, but do you think that sounds like a good idea? I have explained things to the doctor a couple of times via email so I could state everything that my brothers and I have been concerned about. He feels that she is doing fairly well for her age. She takes insulin twice a day and other meds including for depression. I do know Mom doesn't like living here as we live in town, and she lived on their farm for 52+ years. Another thing, I have 2 older brothers and only one of them helps out with Mom when I beg him to. I'm sure Mom is just as tired of being around me as I am tired of dealing with things. Thanks!
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Those sound like pretty typical behaviors for someone who is depressed and/or has dementia. In either of those situations, arguing all the time is not effective, is frustrating for both parties, and diminishes the quality of life we really want to strive for.

So my first question would be, what else is going on with your mother medically, besides diabetes. I imagine she sees her doctor at least quarterly (unless her blood sugars are very stable, and then it would be less often). When is her next appointment? I suggest contacting her doctor in advance and explain your concerns. Even if the doctor is a diabetes specialist and can't address other issues, he or she may be willing to refer her to someone else.

No, it is not "normal" to sit around and do nothing. Try to find out what is behind this change in behavior.

(By the way, did your dad pass away last month or four years ago?)
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