My grandfather has had diabetes most of his life, and was a master plumber for 40 years. About 2 years ago he moved in with my family because he could no longer care for himself. As time went on he would do less and less for himself, and is now at the point where he lies in bed all day. He's fully capable of getting up on his own, getting food, going to the bathroom, etc. A good example would be him not wanting to get up to get some ice, but taking his walker all the way to Foodmaxx to buy licorice, chips and other junk food. There are even times where he won't get up to use the bathroom, and instead go in his bed, he also fights us on showers. It seems like he is behavioral and only acts helpless when people are around. I'm at a loss on how to help, because every time I try to help he says "I know all about that" and ignores me after. It's almost like he doesn't want help, and just wants to wallow away. All I want is for him to be healthy again, and to be able to do things on his own. He's reached a point where he almost looks skeletal from lying in bed, and every time I offer to go on a walk with him, he never wants to. It's draining, and sometimes the smell is unbearable. I've since moved out, but it's still wearing down my mother and brother. We're thinking about putting him in a home but we don't know what to do. I also believe he's depressed, as his ex wife died in 2016, and we had to get rid of his dogs because they were ruining our carpet, and would also refuse to go potty outside. Sorry if this seems all over the place, it's barely scratching the surface. I'll clarify any questions, I just need advice.

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Punchman, my experience with diabetics is limited, but I want to share an experience I had when my mother was in rehab for leg fracture. One of the other residents' family and ours became acquainted; we often had meals together.

The father was diabetic, refused to eat appropriately and either strongly in denial or refusal mode, insisted on eating what he wanted. I don't remember if he had already had one leg amputated below the knee before he came in for rehab, or if it happened while there.

But his refusal to adhere to a diabetic diet sent him back for a second below the knee amputation.

I often wonder if he had a death wish, or didn't care, or what. But his family just couldn't convince him to cooperate.

Your GF may have given up, may have dementia... or there may be other issues. But the fact is, as Jeanne notes, he would probably be better off in a facility where there are more people to care for as the burnout he's causing is going to seriously affect your family and your own health.
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Working as a nurse in a hospital, I highly recommend professional help. Diabetes is something that should not be taken lightly, although many diabetics do. It can cause much more serious issues including infections, amputations, and even death. It should be monitored and controlled daily. If your grandfather is not willing to help himself, he may be reluctant to let others help him. It certainly does sound like he needs psychiatric assistance for his depression as well as help with controlling his diabetes. The more he ignores it and the older he becomes, the worse it will get and often the damage is irreversible.
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It sounds to me like grandpa going into a nursing home would be an appropriate option. Are there obstacles to making that happen?

What you describe doesn't really sound like symptoms of diabetes, although unmanaged diabetes can also cause behavioral problems. Is his blood sugar being monitored/managed?

You say he is depressed and that certainly is believable. It would also account for some of his behavior. Is he being treated for the depression? By what kind of doctor?

His behavioral symptoms would also be consistent with Dementia. Have you considered that possibility and discussed it with his doctor?

All you want is for him to be healthy again, and to be able to do things on his own. That is certainly understandable. But it may not be feasible. It is unlikely that he will ever fully recover to his independent self. A realistic goal is to enable him to have the best quality of life he can have, given his health.

I think that his brain health should be investigated with his doctor. He should be treated for the depression. Dementia should be considered and watched for.

And also, perhaps he, your mother, and your brother would all be best served if he were in a place with professional, trained medical staff.
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