Did not have POA and DHR deemed parents not capable of taking care of themselves. I am following DHR plan to get them in facilities that will give them the required care per the DHR plan. Relatives that have not been in their lives for years are now complaining to DHR that they should not be going into facilities. Seems now they are going to hearing say they help with them by letting them live with them. Unfortunately they can’t live with me. 24/7 home care does not fit in their budget. I think their focus should be visiting parents and if they would like to help maybe helping getting father over to visit mother because his facilities say he could visit if supervised. I have not had time to come up for air due to get their finances squared away and getting items DHR is asking to get. I am incorrect about that and also should I get a lawyer for the hearing or let DHR handle it. Yes I am only sibling. Brother passed away 20 years ago.
Can you tell us more about who these relatives are? Are they siblings or cousins of your parents' generation, who have their own age-related issues? Do they genuinely want to take your parents to live with them, and would they be capable of providing the needed care if so? Are they expecting your parents to pay for their own care, but in the relatives' home? Do you parents have financial assets that they are trying to use or to preserve for their own future use, such as an inheritance?
These are the kinds of questions you'll probably need to address and counter in the hearing. In other words, are these relatives going to show up, tell the judge that yes, they will take your parents in, they will provide all care? That may sound appealing to a judge, especially if your parents endorse the idea. So the next questions for you to bring up will be how will they provide the care, and how will they finance the care?
What proof do you have that they have not been in contact with your parents for years? Will they lie and say, oh, we talk with them every day, Glock just isn't there when we do, or oh, we have visited many times, Glock just hasn't been there when we were and the parents forgot to mention it? Or will they accuse you of lying?
Not trying to pressure you, just kind of previewing the types of issues that may come up so you can be prepared. Do these relatives live locally, so that if the judge did send your parents home with them, would you still be able to visit? Or would these relatives be moving your parents to a different place with no accountability?
I wish you well with whatever scenario you end up facing in the hearing. A lawyer present may be a good idea, if you think the relatives will present a strong case, even if not truthful.
Ignore them, stick to the task, be cooperative with the court, and don't talk about the case to anyone in your family or their friends. This is between you and the court now, and you are well informed and doing your best. Be focused. I feel sure that you will prevail and that mom and dad will be safe from these relatives.
Afterward, still don't engage with these people. You've done the right thing, and you're deserving of a rest after all you've been through. They can talk all they want, but you have the power. Remember that, and good luck!
Once your parents are settled and in care the friends and relatives can visit (as long as they are not disruptive). I can bet that they will not visit,...the next time they will see your parents will be at the viewing.
And they are probably worried that their children will see that you have placed mom and dad and that they will be next.
Stay strong.
Assure the Court that you are acting in the best interest of your parents.
Anyone else that appears can also make their case and if the judge feels that anyone of the "well meaning" relatives can do a better job at caring for BOTH of them then the judge will award Guardianship to the person or persons he/she feels will do the best job.
Now I have to say that in all likely hood that will NOT happen and you will remain Guardian and be able to place your parents in a facility that can manage their care safely.
Do you NEED a lawyer, probably not as I can not imagine that the judge will not allow you to continue being Guardian.
Should you have a lawyer...probably And I would suggest an Elder Care Attorney. the fees for the lawyer will come out of your parents assets if they have any. As the lawyer is actually working for them. But an elder Care Attorney is more knowledgeable in Guardian cases than other lawyers.
It does sound, Glock, as though you don't fully understand all that is involved in taking on a POA in this manner, and that you don't fully get how exceptionally difficult this is going to be managing an uncooperative couple when their family members are fighting you.
You are now writing us daily about how awfully difficult this is, and I think to be honest you should appear at the hearing as the POA fully ready to provide proof of diagnosis of incapacity for this couple. Without it you honestly have no say in what they choose.
To be honest, given the uncooperative nature it is time to RESIGN this duty. Give it over to one of these family members to be conservator. If the couple IS suffering from dementia, then they no longer can appoint a POA. And if they didn't directly choose YOU when they DID have capacity, your POA won't hold much water.
Get out of this while you are able. Resign it before the court if you are able. Let one of these relatives be assigned as temporary guardian or conservator to manage all this.
I was POA to my brother who was very cooperative, understanding, organized, etc. It was still exceptionally difficult and the LEARNING curve for me, already close to 80 at that time, was STEEP as all Hades.