Secondly, can we really make her go?
Mom still lives alone. She's 90 years old and very frail. She doesn't drive because her legs just don't respond anymore and her balance is very poor. She gets around her house by holding on to furniture and other things that are situated in strategic places. She will not use a cane or walker because she says once she gives in to those things then "it's all over". She is very lonely and gets depressed very often. She only gets out of the house when either my sister or I go to get her. She does have one friend who picks her up on Saturday for lunch and to attend Mass. Mom's short term memory is terrible. She can't remember what happened yesterday. Anytime I ask her a question, say, about my sister who she saw the previous day, she can't give me any type of detailed response. I fix her pills for her every week and I do her bills. My sister picks her up for dinner a few days a week and takes her out on Sunday.
I have tried to talk to mom about moving to a facility where she will have people around her so that she wouldn't be so lonely. We've taken her to visit a few places, but her remarks are very mean spirited. She refers to the residents as inmates and says all they do there is sit around and stare into space. She thinks she'll be locked up there with no escape. Meanwhile her house needs maintenance constantly and neither my sister or I have time to run two households since we both work full time.
The other question is, if we do determine that it's time for mom to go, how do we force the issue if she refuses? She owns her house and it would have to be sold in order for her to make a move. She says she loves her house and doesn't want to leave all her things behind, especially all the paintings that she has painted over the years, (She was a wonderful artist). I know that eventually she will fall or become more disoriented that she is sometimes now and we will have to make her go. The whole thing just breaks my heart.