My father has moderate dementia and memory loss boarderline deficient cognitive abilities. How do I determine the best place for him to live? He has been living with us for the last 18 months and it is becoming too difficult on my marriage and children for him to continue to reside here at my home. This week we met with an independant living facility. They have been very clear that rent is all inclusive for basics (board, utilities, 3 meals per day, & transportation) Anything needed on a medical level must be hired out. They have two in-home agencies that they work with on a "tight" level but any agency can be hired to help my father with medication reminders and bathing reminders. I have concerns for when he continues to decline and wandering becomes an issue. Will he be saving money by living in an all inclusive facility along with my hiring assistance on a per diem basis or would he be better off in an AL right off the bat? The base cost of this facility is 1900 / month. Any assistance or aid is extra. Right now I feel that 8 to 10 hours a week of aid is sufficient for his needs, but what do I do as he continues to decline? The property manager spoke with me and told me that they want to be my dad's final home so he doesn't ever have to move again until passing on; am I setting my dad up for failure and frustrations as dementia becomes an overwhelming issue in the years to come? Does everything look good on the cover and manipulation is the undercurrent? Am I worrying way too much and wasting quality time that I still have with him? Is this a good opportunity for him at this time? The name of the community is called "Holiday Retirement" and they have over 300 communities across North America. Has anyone had experience with "Holiday Retirement"? I want what is best for him, but I also want the best bang for the buck. Please help, I'm feeling so confused and torn.

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I don't know anything about this particular agency, but if you are feeling pressured to make a decision, that's not a good sign.
My feeling is that the less you have to move your dad the better. Most AL facilities include what this agency is offering. Then you need to hire in-home agencies for some extra care. I'd look around and compare services with other AL facilities before making a decision. Any good facility that says it can care for people with AD should have security features to prevent wandering. If this one doesn't, it's not likely the right choice for you.
You are right in looking for care for him so that you can spend quality time visiting him and doing fun things rather than all of this stressful, everyday, care. Just do a lot of homework before moving him so you don't have to move him again unless/until he needs a nursing home.
Take care of yourself, too.
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