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I am burning out on the constant problems of mom. Her extreme anxiety, negativity, and almost daily phone calls. She keeps calling asking me to go to bank or make phone call or buy stamps, etc. The stress and constant negativity is affecting my mental and physical health. And how I interact with my husband at times. I am negative myself and am trying to learn a positive attitude. But so much negativity from mom doesnt help. She is 89 years old and has always been rigid. Any positive websites, etc. so I can hear some positivity?

Barbara

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Hi Hadnuff ,
This has got to be hard for you. Does your mom live alone? She sounds like a good fit for an in-home companion or assisted living where she'd have a social life. Yes, she'd complain like crazy but maybe if you told her flat out that your health can't take all of this running around she may grudgingly make a change so that someone else can do her bidding at least part of the time.

One thing to remember - some people aren't happy unless they can complain. Your mother sounds like one of these people. Just accepting this and setting up boundaries about what you will and won't do may help. The act of emotionally detaching from negativity is hard, but with work you might be able to let her complaints roll off by reminding yourself that complaining is how she's happy and nothing that you do will change that.

Counseling can be helpful, too. You are already working on trying to be less negative so you're an aware person. Talking it out with a counselor could help you stay solid in your resolution.

I hope that you'll find some close connections on Agingcare. I'm sure that a lot of people will relate. Let's see who else chimes in. We're with you on this and hope that a combination of perhaps a better social network for your mother and some emotional detachment on your part may help.

Take care,
Carol
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My daughter taught me a stress reliever trick for when my MIL pushes my buttons. Do a quick Google image search for "kittens" or "puppies" and just scroll through pictures, or go to YouTube and watch kitten or puppy videos. Before you know it you're smiling. It sounds ridiculous but it really works!
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If you can learn to meditate, it will greatly reduce the stress. Music also helps me. I have a Oscar Peterson piano CD that I play endlessly when stressed. Any support groups in your area? It helps to hear that others are suffering the same thing.
good luck
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~ You mentioned earlier that your mother won't answer her phone.
Do the same back to her ... Don't answer every single time she calls.
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You asked about websites, I've found some of the articles at tiny buddha to be inspiring.
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More suggestions. Go to an animal shelter and cuddle and play with the animals. Our local animal shelter wont let us touch the animals unless we "plan" on adopting so we come up with an excuse just so we can interact with the animals.
Another suggestion is to go outside and get some fresh air and sunlight for about 15 minutes daily or as often as you can so it can lift your mood, rejuvenate you, heal you, etc. Google and watch youtube vids on the many health benefits of sunlight.
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