Does anyone else deal with depression from being a primary caregiver?

Old Sailor, My wife died Apr 3rd. Although I knew the time was very near, I am still reeling. But feel I did My best by entering her into a care facility..,Although second guessing has caused me to lose a lot of sleep. Hope things are better for you my friend. Ren

As my 92 yo mom slides back to immobility, I find myself becoming so angry!
She apologizes for asking for a drink of water but that is the least of my problems!
I want her to move around. I want her to get up and go to the bathroom before she’s busting at the seams! I want her to stand up and sit down often enuf that her legs will support her.
She has her mental faculties and no life threatening ailments, but she sits so long she can’t walk to bed.
It’s bad enough that I’m in charge of all repairs with no experience and little money but now I’m wondering why bother? Why worry about the yard? Why should I fix the sprinklers if she doesn’t care enough to take care of herself?
I find myself berating her for killing herself when I want her to be comfortable. Now it seems I’m up all night every night dwelling on her deterioration and staying in my room all day so as not to yell at her.
It’s not helpful to bite my tongue because I’m still angry inside.
She’s had pt often enough she knows she has to use it or lose it but she refuses to do it!
Yes I’m depressed. I hate watching her becoming infirm and feeble just because she’s lazy!
Charlotte

The depression is a daily, hourly presence. I do take Lorazepam a couple of times a week, but just to sleep better. I am so tempted to drink, but had a problem years ago so am trying very hard to avoid it. But right now a great margarita or a glass of good bubbly sounds amazing. Was on Vicodin for 4-1/2 years for pain but got off of it 8 years ago. I know I have addictive tendencies. I cry a lot, especially at night and I am silent most of the time, quick to anger and tired always. I rarely go out unless it is absolutely necessary -taking husband to Dr. appts, occasional,forays to the grocery store. But honestly, I just don't want to face people. I use Facebook and a few calls to friends to be my social ties. If my husband lives as long as His mother did with this horrible disease, I just hope I can survive it all and have some sort of "afterlife". I never want another man to deal with-ever. I will care for him until I cannot, as he was a good guy and we had a good marriage and he cared for me during my times of need. He has earned loyalty, and he is loved but if the violent behaviors keep happening, I will have to leave him to his kids. I lived in violence and cruelty as a young child and I will not subject myself to that. And yet I do find little gems that bring a smile, if not to my face, to my soul. For now that gets me by.

Yes, guilt and depression, guilt and depression, for 15 years, while she was living with me, and brother does not want to do anything...And even now, when she is in rehab and will be in Long term facility until I ll find (if I ll find) other possibilities to take care of her. With dementia and swallow problem and stubborn behavior she need to be watched 24/7 now...if you ask me do I feel better now, when she is not in my house? NO, guilt even stronger....Trying different anti anxiety medications and unfortunately alcohol...

Yes. Care giving for narcissistic dad has sucked life out of me. I have so many
stress related illnesses now. And he's always behaving passive aggressively
to force me to do more. He's angry I don't spend more on him (he has plenty of funds for his own care, but wants mine too) . And he's enabled by a small army of hangers on that hope to avail themselves of his money, which he has apparently misrepresented to be in the millions. *Sigh* . Trying very hard
to gain a sense of humor about it. As we all know talking about anything other
than weather with narcissists just adds fuel to the fire. Caregiving can be depressing enough as it is.

Titally, I don't know which way is up. I've been up for like 5 days cannot rest at a worrying about finances, taking care if 2 children, my mom, and my dad. I can't cope. My medication giving me worst than what I was before. I just wanna be able to deal with it all. Praying helps me slot but not to sleep.

If anyone says they don't get depressed from caring giving they are lying to themselves. It is one of the hardest jobs I can think of and I am speaking from experience. I have taken my mother to Florida to stay with my husband and I every winter for five years and after last winter I thought I would have a breakdown. When I take her home I usually stay with her about a month then go to my home an hour away and visit her at least weekly. My brother lives 30 minutes from her and rarely sees mom and my sister lives five minutes from her and provides a daily meal and takes her to appointments. I made the decision not to take her to Florida this winter as getting her to and from Florida was becoming dangerous trying to manage her alone to and from the airport. I decided it was time for my sister and brother to step up and do their part. I feel terribly guilty and my brother continues to not lift a finger. It is now Nov. and he hasn't visited mom since July. My sister has done more but doesn't spend quality time with her. You need to put your foot down with ur sister before you have a complete breakdown. Your health and welfare comes first as well as ur marriage. Have you ask for assistance from your county Area Office on Aging? Your mother might qualify for a few hours of care to give u a break. My mother just qualified for three hours of personal care and doesn't have to pay, it's worth checking out. Good luck, and you are not alone!

I also take medication since I started to take care of my Mom 24/7. I was good for bout a year and half. Then it all went south. Never have been a depressed person all my life. I also care for my husband who has congestive heart failure. I feel burned out most of the time. The meds help some but doesn’t change my life. I’m not sure I know how to have fun anymore. I keep trying to put on a brave face, but some days are harder than others. Hang in there, your not alone.

Oh my....I am also so very overwhelmed. U are so busy taking care of them & even tho u love them w/all your heart, it gets to be a lot. U get depressed yourself & exhausted. Just joined this forum.

Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

Close to 100% of those who are. Your husband is wrong you won't feel better, you either need to accept further medical treatment for yourself for a problem that could be solved by removing the problem, or you remove the problem before it wrecks your health and makes you feel bitter and against your mom.

Absolutely! Everyone gets down with this overwhelming situation. It’s extremely frustrating and exhausting, physically and emotionally.

Yes, I find myself constantly fighting off depression. There are so many emotions being a caregiver for a L/O including guilt and resentment. People keep telling me find time for yourself. It’s hard especially if your balancing a job and a family.
Sometimes I just want to screen! To make matters worse my L/O resents my so called taking over her life, and feels she can handle herself. Unfortunately 2 doctors, 2 social workers, 1 elder care counselor and family members say otherwise.

So yes, I’m fighting hard to keep me balanced.

You can add anxiety along with depression for me as well.

It always seems to be dumped on one person! Random venting is good I think. I have felt so isolated, and for the first time in my 55 years of living, I have been put on antidepressants after having my 86 y/o dad living with me. He is verbally abusive and has dementia. My half sister and brother will have nothing to do with him. I feel better knowing that I'm not in this alone I guess, but I feel for everyone that is living this mightmare!