Depression - or at least only seeing the negative?

Its time for Mom to have a full physical. Low Potassium contributed to depression for my Dad. Once his levels were brought back up he was back to normal. Thyroid can cause hormone problems. Lack B12 can cause problems too. Do not think Demention or Depression until Mom has a full Lab workup. If you have a hard time getting her there, tell her Medicare requires a checkup.

This could be dementia and/or depression. Or it could just be that you mom is sad. I fully expect that I will be sad at times if/when I'm 88 and looking back on more life than I have left to live.

As Alva suggests in her response: Life can be sad sometimes, so it's o.k. to be sad sometimes. Dementia, particularly Alzheimer's, can ultimately leave only the most basic mental functions. The things that happened in the past that created the most emotion are the things we may be most likely to remember, good or bad.

From my personal experience with loved ones and anti-depressants, I can safely say that there is no "magic pill" out there that works for everyone. It is ALWAYS a trial-and-error process for finding the right medication and dose that helps, and there are ALWAYS side effects (even if mild) to any anti-depressant.

I know it's easy for me to say, but try not to let her melancholy affect you. During your visits you might bring things that create positive memories: photos from that trip to Disneyland years ago, uplifting music she's always liked, etc.

My MIL lived to 96 and spent 15 yrs in a NH and would frequently lash out. When my wife went to visit, she would change the TV from Bonanza to a show about gardening because my wife knew that my MIL loved to spend time tending to her garden for 60 of her 96 yrs. My MIL would be screaming "Kill them, kill them!!!" at the TV during Bonanza, but became interested and calm during the gardening shows.

The point is... Find some happy memories to tap into before you go straight to medication. That being said, an appointment with a geriatric psychologist is probably still a good idea. He/she would hopefully have even more suggestions for you.

I think that you are looking at dementia? If you you will not be able to help her or to change things, and will have to limit how much you expose yourself to it. Not everything in life can be fixed. There aren't pills to change things often enough, but you can speak with her doctor about assessing her for mild anti-depressants. They do help some people. It is worth a try. There really is NOT a whole lot of upside, you know, to the end of life. It is about losses, and the longer we live the more losses are sustained. Not everything in life is about happiness. There are times that are unhappy and are worthy of being mourned about. I hope there is some way to at least help your Mom. But the answer for you may be to have to move away from hearing all the pain all the time, or at least from believing there is a way you can fix it. Perhaps part of it will need to be your own acceptance that there may be no happiness now for your Mom, and that you cannot fix that. Sympathize with her, tell her you are sorry for her grief and pain, ask her if there is anything you can do for her to help her.

I'd get her to her PCP for an anti-depressant if it were me. Isolation and negative memories are two signs of depression which can easily be treated these days. No point in everyone suffering, right?

Good luck!