I'm so glad this forum is here, especially because I have failed to find resources to advise me. I hope this isn't too repetitive. I have scanned and gotten insights into individual issues. But, I'm not sure how to deal with the package.
Three months ago, my 88 year old mother went into the hospital with a disabling UTI. That was fixed. Then skilled nursing. Then home with health aides. Then back to the hospital with another UTI, this time ending at a board and care facility.
During all that and since she has refused PT and OT and pretty much only remained in bed. She claims to have head problems when upright. Sometimes these pass after a long time upright (like an hour or more). Sometimes they persist and grow more intense. At this point, she has a large bed sore and routinely yells in pain. Once the pain passes, she claims not to hurt so there's no need to move (an ironic benefit of dementia?).
She has been intensely depressed and that has only gotten worse as she becomes weaker, deeper in pain, and more dependent. The few excursions that weren't in ambulances -- to the doctor, to a movie -- only seem to lock in the depression and decrease her desire to help improve her condition by getting out of bed.
I'm at a loss. This reminds me of my dog late in her cancer when she just wanted to go off alone to die. The difference is that my mom isn't close to death. She doesn't deserve years of what she is going through now. But, I don't know how to help her change gears.
She's on depression meds. We have taken her off of her blood pressure pills (hoping to stem the dizziness). We make plans to do things she enjoys. But, she just cancels. Her doctor -- a wonderful, talented, and sensitive man -- still addresses her like a mechanic. He can't fix what she won't help him fix.
If anyone has advice, I would love to hear it.