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Thank you Phyllis for your kind words, Its was a long time of myself watching over my mom, and I don't regreet one minute. Yes it is hard. I still go back and visit her friends she made at the assisting living of which she was staying at and they had their Christmas party this pst weekend of course I went to help. It's funny the ones that never show up to visit their family members even on the weekends are always there for the free food. I don't let it brother me but I can see it the residents eyes the come eat and leave, certain are good to there partents. and you can see the love and even feel it. Bless you have yourself a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,patrica61 It has been hard for me to even greive now my in laws are not well. I lost my dog of 10 years to cancer and we can not find a job both my husband and myself. I will look for the book. Thanks
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You are so brave and helpful all of you. I want you to know how much you are appreciated. Please know you are not alone in your grief and your worry.

take care,
Carol
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I feel the same way my mother is in a situation where she is living with my father they divorced years ago due to my father. My mother has been taking care of my father and I have just realized that she has been keeping things from me. Her mail is all piled up she hasn't even been opening it. She finally told me that she has given up. I don't know what to do. She doesn't want to leave the house and put my father in a home. But she is not mentally capable of taking care of him or their finances. She is not paying bills or is she budgeting. I don't know what to do. Put my father in a home and what to do with my mother she doesn't want to live with us. She really is depressed and looks like she is on her death bed. She looks really ill. She gets so confused and her driving is awful. The house needs a lot of repair. I am lost and don't know how to help her or what to do. I don't know if she is mentally ill even she is showing signs.
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Here's what we have done for a little rest and privacy. My 90 year old dad has lived with us for nearly 6 years. He can not be left alone due to chance of falls and he has a catheter.

We take him daily to a city run senior day car facility. Medicare pays for part of the daily cost, Dad pays for the rest $15 per day.

This gives my wife a break while I am at work and he is at the center. The caregivers at the center are very attentive to his needs.

The center is open on Saturdays, so we take advantage from time to time to give us both some get a way time. It's only about 8 hours but it feels like much more. We can go to lunch, shopping, to a movie or other activities without having to worry about dad.

Medicare also provides up to 7 days respit care. We've never taken advantage of this time, but it would provide a short vacation by allowing dad to spend time at an assisted living home.

When I start reaching the "breaking point" I remember the times when as a kid I probably brought my mom and dad to their breaking points. Now it's my Dad's turn to get back at me for some of the stress I caused for him.

He had to worry about me for about 17 years while I was living at home. He had to care for me for the first 1-5 years. He did it with love and great care. I'm paying him back....
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Well said thebearii i to am looking out for my elderly folks and think the same way, we were helpless as babies, and they cared and protected and fed us, with food and love, so it only stands to reason that we do the same.
God Bless you
Fernando
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momneedshelp... am sorry for what youre going thru , sounds like somebody is going have to step in and take care of both mom and dad . married for 50 years she still feels she belongs there with him .
your mom needs to get checked out with a doctor and then ou can decide what would be the best thing for them both . as for bills you;ll need to help your mom to pay for it , sit with her at the table and help her with it . write checks with her .
if there is another siblings , time for a family meeting and go from there . come back on this site and keep us informed, . happy new year !
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If your mom can still remember things and has no serious health issues you may still be able to get her to speak with someone with you near by and get some legal papers set up. Such as durable power of attorney, health epoxy. or even go to the local social security office and see if you can become legal rep on her account. There are certain rules and regulations they must have,this way you may be able to be sworn in by the state, it will help her with the check book and paying bills. If you have any family memberrs call a meeting, if that does not work call elder care in your state. You can not do it all on your own.patrica61
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