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My mom uses Depends all day and eve. During the day she needs it for occasional accidents, but generally she uses the toilet. At night she always wets the Depends while sleeping and needs to be changed with the aide's assistance.
Her regular aide is on vacation and we have a lovely lady filling in. She tells my mom (81) to feel comfortable wetting the Depends if they are out and she has to go and a bathroom is not near (makes sense to me) or when she is home and needs help getting to the bathroom (for falling concerns) but the aide is eating her lunch or very busy at the moment. The aide is very clean in general. I trust that she would help mom change the Depends as soon as she could after these given situations but I am just wondering if this is okay to do often, etc. Mom says, "She tells me a lot to just go urinate in the Depends." We spoke about it briefly tonight and the aide explained that she was not feeling well herself (which mom expressed concern over) and was trying to eat dinner when the situation came up and she told mom to just use the Depends. (She had assisted mom to the bathroom prior but mom sometimes has false alarms and didnt really need to go then.) Just wondering if there is a rule of thumb with this matter of Depends useage? Up till now I have thought of it for accidents only. Any thoughts about it?

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The rule of thumb is this: mom can wander all over the grocery store, but as soon as she has to wait in the checkout line, she will have to pee. We can drive for hours, but if we are waiting at the US Border crossing, she HAS TO GO PEE. She got mad and said she was going to get out of the car and walk over to the Customs building. I told her "If you do that, mom, you will have several men in uniforms pointing guns at you, and they will not let you in that building, they will shoot you." LOL She decided to hold it. Try to use the potty yourself? She has to pee. Finally got to your coffee? She has to pee. Phone rings= she has to pee. Ask her to go before you leave? Doesn't have to.
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A booster pad (not a incontinence pad like POISE) can be worn in a Depends type pull on underwear. Urine will leak through the pad into the pull on underwear and not over the sides of the underwear, keeping the wearer more comfortable. If a wearer isn't very stable and there is a risk of falling, it is better to let the person urinate in the product rather than risk falling on the way or in the bathroom.
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It sounds like this aide is lazy and it was unprofessional for her to tell you that she wasn't feeling well.

Telling your mom to wet her Depends is much easier for the aide then having to get your mom to the bathroom.

Depends are fine, they work well and are perfect for people who are incontinent. They're also effective to prevent a huge clean-up after a bout of incontinence. However, if a person still has the urge to urinate and can do so in the toilet that should be the first course of action because it's healthier than sitting in urine and it's much more dignified than having to wet one's pants and if there's anything caregivers can do to preserve the dignity of an elderly person it should be done.

(And the aide should only be eating and taking a 'break' if she's there 8 hours or more).
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I guess it depends on what you and your mom prefers. You are her employer. It would be better if you mom uses the toilet as much as possible. Urine is acidic. If your mom wets herself using the Depends, then I hope the aide cleans her really well. Otherwise, she might get rashes. Eventually your mom will end up using the Depends completely. Until that time comes, I'd just use the bathroom as much as possible.

With that said, my mom hated the Depends. Even when she was completely bedridden and in vegetative state and just stares into space. She won't look at you or respond at all when you talk to her. But, even from the very beginning of her dementia (about 23 years), she would wait until the pampers came off. Then it was open season - for the urine and poop. She always waits until the pampers came off. What I'm trying to say is - if your mom doesn't care to urine on the pampers, then you need to have a talk with the new aide.

With my mom, we changed her about 3 times a day - morning, afternoon and bedtime. In all the 13 years of being bedridden, she did not have bedsores. Plenty of rashes and angry red skin because we didn't change her pamper as often as we should. Remember, the urine is acidic. And so it was irritating her skin. We changed her pampers 3 x a day because the cost of pampers is sooo expensive.
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