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She is 95, lives in her home, terribly stubborn (always) and extremely hyper and unfocused. I've asked the Dr for something to calm her down. I think if she could relax a little, life would be MUCH better for both of us.But Dr says no. I'm on anti depressant and acid control drugs from the stress, been to ER 2 times' seems fair to me she should be too. ;) I had 32 calls on my cell and another 8 on the home phone on Christmas eve. Worried about dinner on Christmas, and then the time for the church service. It's always something. If she calls a couple minutes after I talked to her, I just won't answer. But it worries me that it COULD be important. She is in great health, so she is up and fretting all day, thinks she needs to drive, or that she does drive and do all the things she used to. Nothing is ever her fault. Someone ? looses her phones, messes up the TV remote, didn't tell her something important etc. She thinks she is always out of coffee, bread, whatever! Not. Been doing her shopping for 3+ years, been there for her for 34 years since my father died, and have totally taken care of her home and finances. At this point she demands it, even though she says she never asks anyone for help. She thinks she is capable of doing everything, when she isn't capable of much. Same as so many of you, I am burned out! 14 calls from her so far today (4 PM) About Christmas - she doesn't remember dinner, giving her money gift to the family, who was there etc.
Any ideas about the hyperactivity? How to explain the her Dr that she is driving us all crazy, herself included. This has been hard on my marriage, about destroyed my business, and taken it's toll mentally and physically, on me. I am 72, that's no spring chicken!
She has a wonderful home care lady 3 days a week, she has been a total God send. Tried a day care, but she hated it. She told me that those old people repeated themselves. I had to bite my tongue and not laugh out loud! Why can she remember what they say, and not me?! Oh well, I know it is what it is. But any suggestions would be valued.
And hugs to all of you going through this.

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Thanks. Yes, I am Durable POA. I think we will visit, again, the 2 assisted living places fairly close. I think if she had meals and people around she wold feel more alive. She can't understand why we, me, can't just always be there. 10 calls so far today. If I knew she was OK I would just not answer a bunch of them. It sure sucks to see your parent become a spoiled helpless child! That was my job. LOL Actually that is still my brother. Hasn't lifted a finger in 34 years. OH well...... Happy New Year!!
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her behavior will only get worse as the dementia progresses and some anti anxiety drugs could put her at risk for a fall which will be the crises that lands her in a nursing home
If not more help in her home you may need to consider a move to some type of assisted living facility - we all know it's a struggle but unless you can provide care for her in your home it will be a tough road ahead
Do you or another sibling have financial and health power of attorney in place?
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Thanks all. Mom lives in a woods. She can't see much close, but she can see her trees and bird feeders and deer. She says she will die, (on demand I guess) if she has to leave.. I live on a farm, and I know that will be the hardest thing in the world to leave, so I get it. Trying to find some more help, that is trustworthy. That is hard. Had 2 other ladies that just didn't give the right vibes. Mom has a house stuffed with pretties and things. I have taken some of her more valuable rings home, as she lost ? her wedding diamond. Lots of sterling, which we use when we have family at her house. We bring in the food, but she wants to have the dinners there.
Her mother lived to 98, curled up in a ball in a nursing home for 9 years! I am so afraid that is going to happen to Mom. She still can shower and dress and sort of do her hair and makeup, so we don't need that help yet. But I see she messes up her meds lately. I fill her pill strip so it is always there, but she misses some, or drops them and can't see them. She isn't on any meds that are very serious.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
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My dad went through this phase. I thought I was going to go insane and boy oh boy the days were not pretty. All he wanted to do is piss and moan and complain and whine and everything was blamed on me right or wrong. He would even threaten to hit me and Mom and cuss and throw tantrums. It went on for quite a few years but then again Dad was always a cranky irritable man but it got worse when he started having dementia. Now he sleeps most of the time and he has stopped all of the anger. His mind has become very slow and a lot of the time his speech is slow as well. The calmness just started happening just a few days ago. I can tell his body is breaking down and once they become weaker with the dementia that is when they no longer have the strength to be so demanding.
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sspiel, we are senior citizens taking care of older senior citizens... what is wrong with this picture? Your Mom probably still view you as being 30 years old with a lot of energy and the whole day to do everything. I know my parents, when they were in their 90's, expected me to change my lifestyle in order for them to keep up their own lifestyle. Even though I wasn't hands-on under the same roof, I did crash and burn from the stress and exhaustion.

I wonder if your Mom would be happier living in Independent Living where you can add on optional care. She would meet new women closer to her own age thus keep busy with them, instead of constantly calling you. Plus no more buying weekly groceries as many IL facilities offer 3 meals a day.

If Mom owns her own house, she could use the equity to help pay for the IL facility. Check for a facility that also offers Assisted Living for when the time comes, that way she will still see familiar Staff faces, and have the same meals.

I did that with my Dad, he wanted out of his house, and was happy as a calm with his apartment and being around other people closer to his age.
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I'm surprised that your Mom is able to live on her own. Frankly, I had to bring in 24/7 care for my Mom and that didn't last very long. So I needed to move her to a memory care facility after she fell and broke her hip.
Is there anothr adult center in your area that may have different results from the first one you tried? Can you bring in more help? The Home care aide may be sufficient for showers, etc but what about a 'companion' for the othr days? A companion won't do the showering etc, but would help keep your Mom busy and her mind off of 'problems'. The companion could play cards (sorting into suits and colors for those who can no longer play); make a light meal, take Mom for a walk (in nice weather); get the TV working and generally reduce your phone calls. It might be a stay at home Mom in the neighborhood that could work during school hours. My observation is I think you should try more help.
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We go to a family dr, an internist, who isn't interested in his patients. Want to change, but hard to do in our area. I had looked for a geriatric dr a couple years ago but couldn't find one. Will try again. Thanks
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sspiel, the first thing I would do would be to shop around for a doctor who had treated many elders with dementia. It sounds like her present doctor doesn't understand that medications can be helpful when you correctly. I don't know which medications would be good, but a geriatric doctor should know. Many now don't like to prescribe sedating medications since they are accountable for prescribing them. It is a shame because doctors have gotten afraid to do something that can help because they are afraid of being called on the carpet for it.

Does your mother go to a geriatric specialist? I am generally not in favor of medications, but know sometimes they can keep people more calm and stable.
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