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The week end caregiver is having a more difficult time with this,she does have bad arthritis in her knees,but it doesn't seem to bother her that she messes the bed and stays in it. Could it be possible that she really doesn't care about being dirty?

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Eddie, you'd be surprised what even early-stage dementia patients can sometimes not answer. Asking, in a non-accusatory way, is worth a shot, but I suspect it has already been tried before coming here.

Dementia puts the caregivers in a role similar to parents of very young children. We know something is wrong, but they can't tell us that their ears hurt or that older brother was mean to them. The elder can talk, but not always tell us what we want to know.

The fact that this happens consistently on weekends, when a different caregiver is on duty, is a clue. It might have something to do with activity levels, but then I'd expect it to happen Sunday and Monday.

Caregivers need to wear not only Florence Nightengale's crisp white hat, but also the deerstalker hat of Sherlock Holmes!
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She isn't my mother,but she may as well be,in the last 5 years ,I have spent most of my time with her.I do 24 hr care 5 days a week with week ends off. When I started I was more of a companion than care giver. Have had issues in the past with the week end help. But it is really hard for me to think that this woman would be capable of messing the bed on purpose,but when it is was brought to her attention she wouldn't get out of bed to get cleaned up.Even if she had issues with the caregiver,why would she subject herself to that. To be stubborn or in control. This is a well educated sophisticated woman we are talking about. I am at a loss. Thanks for all of your in put ,glad I found this link.
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Even with moderate dementia, I assume she can still answer poop-related questions as long as your approach isn't accusatory or threatening in any way. For the moment, I'd get engage her in some kind of activity. A tailpipe's cycle gets thrown off when we lay around after every meal.
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Dear Scorpio, I didn't know my MIL is at your house! We are going through this now with my MIL in her rehab facility, and from my experience YES it could be on purpose. My MIL will look particular aides in the eyes and poop on herself, but with the ones that are sticky sweet and offer her pity she gets herself to toilet on time.
There are no accidents here. The one thing I did was to request that 100% of the possible medical/neurological possibilities be ruled out once and for all so she couldn't keep saying she couldn't help it.
Once the tests were completed and she was told by the Dr, with my husband and I present, along with nurses and her aides, it stopped. I asked facility to stop babying her and if she poops/pees on herself make her clean herself up.
Guess what? No "messes" since that day.
I have learned that if I calmly remove all excuses for bad behavior and prove to her she is choosing it, the behavior changes because her image is at risk.
By the way, the only thing the particular aides did to prompt her pooping was to not pity her enough and not sneak her foods she can't eat.
Good Luck....this is a tough road we have chosen to take.
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Good questions, jeannegibbs. Also, scorpio, could she be doing this as a way of saying she does not like the weekend caregiver. And if so is there a valid reason she doesn't like the caregiver or is it just not wanting a caregiver?
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I'm a little confused here. Your profile says that your mother has mobility issues. Does she have dementia, too?

With dementia just about anything is possible. Is she "deliberately" messing the bed? I guess that depends on what you mean by "deliberately." Does she know what she is doing? Maybe. Is she doing it for a reason, such as to get attention? Perhaps, but not highly likely. Is it possible that she doesn't care? Yes, possible.

Why would this behavior occur mostly on weekends? Does this caregiver not attend to her promptly enough? Does Mom usually need help getting to the toilet?

As I say, I'm confused, so maybe a little additional description would help.

In general, persons with dementia are not able to be deliberately manipulative -- they just don't have the executive function to do that.
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