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He is getting into a different stage now because he is having trouble going to the bathroom and knowing what to do at times. Last Tuesday night he did the same thing. I called his doctor, they said take him to the hospital and check to see if he has had a mini stroke or UTI.. I did and he was fine. He told them he was just being mean. He was mean and was scaring me last Tuesday, so I don't want to push him. Tonight when I tried to give it to him he started the hatefulness and I feel it. I hate this. I don't know how long I can deal with this. Last Tuesday he hit at me. My husband is a big man and very strong. I am his rock but I don't know about all this dementia stuff.

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College, even gentle quick men who have never been abusive and have no PTSD experience can become violent with dementia. Your husband is still the same man you've loved for 52+ years. His "meanness" is the dementia taking over. In spite of what it feels like, this is not about you and he doesn't love you any less. But even if he can't help it and he has no control, YOU SHOULD PROTECT YOURSELF FROM ABUSE.

Think about this: If it weren't for dementia, if he were still in his right mind, would he be appalled by this behavior? Would he ever in a million years put up with someone else treating you like this? So if you can get out of harm's way, you are doing him a huge favor, too. Wouldn't he want you to protect yourself and prevent him from doing something he really does not want to do?

Maybe medication will be protection enough against the dementia aggression. Or maybe he will have to live physically separate from you. Maybe you can have a more loving relationship if you give up the hands-on care to three shifts of professionals.

It takes 2 hours to get him to accept his last shot of the day? Believe me, a long-term-care facility is not going to spend 2 hours on that! Try some calming drugs first if you want to, but if that isn't sufficient, let the professionals take over managing his diabetes.
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College,
I wish the best of luck. Your situation is very stressful. I can't imagine taking care of two people inside the home. I would get information on getting help with your husband. I'm a diabetic and I know it's not sure taking shots that is challenging. If he's a Type I, there are multiple blood sticks throughout the day, carb counting, etc. Controlling diabetes is a full time job in itself. Having him fight you on it........good luck. I would consider placement.
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Babalou, great answer. Caregiving takes a toll on us and that post about your cousins says it all.
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College, you're seeing a preview of what could happen again, especially given his past history and trauma from military service. Don't wait until he becomes more aggressive and violent; contact the VA to get him qualified for medical as well as psychiatric help; it's increased it's outreach to veterans with emotional issues.

Start thinking seriously about a more secure placement elsewhere where he won't be able to threaten you.
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I just sent an urgent message to his neurologist. I will next contact his Primary care. Thank you, you are so right!
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College, many years ago, my cousins discovered that their dad had been beating their mom black and blue in order to get the key to unlock the door so he could wander along the highway. They had no idea how long this had gone on.

She finally placed him. She died of a massive heart attack a few months later. He lived on happily for several more years. Don't be a hero.

Take care of yourself, my dear.
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I have been married to him for 52 yrs and he also has PTSD from Cuban Crisis, Bay of Pigs. It made him mean and a rough neck. That's why he has the 2 brain injuries and all of the dementia stuff going on. Forty one years ago he hit me and jurked me around. He has never done this sort of thing again but I went thru anxiety for years every time he raised his voice. Now I am feeling the same feelings from all the drama. I have to beg and plead and cry to get him to take the last shot, some times for hours. Because of him I am a very strong person and ne fear. But this crap kills my spirit. He has sundowners too, so I guess at night the sundowners makes him mean again. Thanks for the info. I will try meds first and start my search. Thanks for confirming my thoughts on it. I know it will have to happen sooner or later because of his past aggression. Hugs and GOD bless the Caregivers!
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College; I think it's time you find placement for him. Call his doctor back and ask them what level of care he needs. Get meds to calm him down. Start researching memory care or NH, whichever they tell you.

Being hit is never, never, NEVER acceptable. It means he needs medication for agitation at the least.
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