Dementia patient.

In your situation there is a daughter who has POA, so why did you feel the need to make any comment. Did she ask u for some input? If not, then u say nothing. The poor woman probably had to plan her Dads funeral and then find a place for Mom and the complaints from the NH because Mom was not settling in. How overwhelming is that! She probably has not had time to grieve her Dad. Your SIL is probably passed the need for a phone and talking to you and her daughter probably makes her want to go home. Your calls may be a trigger of somekind. She's OK till she gets a call from someone. At this point, the home may allow only her immediate family to visit until the woman settles in and excepts the NH is now her home. They want one contact, the daughter. You may never be able to talk to ur SIL by phone. It comes to a point with Dementia, the phone is abused or they forget how to use it. There is no need for them to have it.

I don't think your being banned or retaliated against since u say u can visit. Your SIL may be worse than thought because your brother covered up certain things or did things for her. His death may have hastened her decline. Same with the NH, new surroundings and no husband. She cannot understand what is happening. Few Dementia patients have phones in a NH. My Mom didn't have one. She had no idea how to use it. Even if ur SIL is capable to use one, there would have come a time she would forget how to use it. I think the NH has made suggestions and your daughter is taking them.

Its just 2 months since ur brother died. Not that long for anyone to adjust to a NH especially a person suffering from a Dementia. Or the family caring for her. U are going to havevto except that ur SIL can no longer talk on the phone. Its what it is.

Your brother passed, now your sister in law is in a facility. People argue, people do and say the wrong things when there is so much stress. Most everyone that goes though stress of loosing someone says things or does things they regret, because there grieving and thinking with there grief.

Your niece also lost a father and now trying to help her mom. She needs support, not more aggravation.

Send her a card with a sencer apology. And hopefully when the fog of grieving lightens up things will get better.

Best of luck

Apologize to your niece for overstepping YOUR boundaries and maybe she'll allow you to speak to your SIL. Have you any idea the stress involved in being the POA for someone with dementia, trying to make good decisions, and getting push back from "concerned" friends and family members???

My condolences on the loss of your brother.

As to your not knowing what the POA consists of, that would be right and normal. POA is a private document between the principal assigning POA and the person agreeing to serve. It is not something that should be shared with you.

There is unfortunately only ONE WAY to rectify this situation.
Your Niece is the POA and the Lioness at the Gate.
In order to go through that gate you must befriend the Lioness.

I can't know how much water is under the bridge, but having interferred in her decisions for her Mom has caused great distrust. It may not be remedied, but I would try.
IF your sister-in-law does know who you are, does enjoy your calls, then it is worth trying to remedy this.

If it were me I would call or write the following to your niece:
Dear ___________:
First, let me apologize for the pain I have given you by interfering in your care and care choices for your Mom. It simply wasn't my place to do so. If I could take it all back, and simply support you in the heart-wrenching decisions you had to make without good support I would do so in a second.
I can't take it back. I can only apologize, and that I do with all my heart.
I miss your Mom. I loved her so. I treasured our talks and our being able to reach out to one another and I feel so cut off from her. I know there is nothing I can do about that, but I beg you to reconsider letting me reach out to contact her.
Please think on this all the time you wish to take. I would do anything including being on speaker phone when you are WITH your mom. I will never bring up and dissention. I will support you and your decisions for you loved mom.
If you cannot let me do this I must understand the best I can and take responsibility for the actions that put me in this place. I will send cards and I will save and find a way to visit in person even if accompanied by you if you wish it to be so.
My love out to you. I am a long way away. If I can support you in some way I am able to do ask me. Love from your aunt.

That doesn't work? Then nothing will. Send cards. Save for a visit. I am sorry.