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Prior to my mom being in the NH she lived alone. She was managing but all of a sudden she started calling me a lot at work asking me names of places and phone numbers...having trouble remembering. She didn’t pay her bills for a month so I took things over online. Did what I could do from afar. When I came to visit, I made sure I had doctor appointments lined up. They put her on antibiotics for a UTI but she also wasn’t taking her medications for thyroid, diabetes & CHF. Her endo was not surprised by memory issues as well as her increased swelling in legs and the more health problems rearing their ugly heads. I got mom some home care as I live in another country. She was all of a sudden having trouble standing up and walking. The home PT came in and found her on the floor. At the hospital they discovered she had a brain bleed from the fall. After all of this...now mom doesn’t seem to remember who is passed on and asks about her mom. She forgets I don’t work or live in NJ anymore. A friend called her and when I mentioned it must have been nice to talk to said friend, she has no recollection that they spoke yesterday. The friend even said she sounded good up until she said my dad hasn’t visited her yet (he passed in 2016). Some days she’s more orientated and other days it’s a battle to get her to understand why she can’t come home. She does not seem to recognize she can’t stand up on her own, or walk. She doesn’t try but in her head thinks she can go home and do all these things to take care of herself. The psychologist and doctors have said she is not capable of making decisions on her own anymore. But no one has told Me if this is dementia that has set in or if this is from the brain injury. I want to read up on dementia so I know how to handle my mom as she was never really a truly nice person before but with dementia if that’s what it is I have to handle things differently. She doesn’t remember disowning me 5 times and telling me not to call or visit and when I told her this, she asked me if I was still mad at her. It broke my heart because maybe she doesn’t mean it now but it is so hard for me not to get mad and angry when it’s happening like when we use to fight prior to all of this. Should I treat this as dementia anyway?

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Diabetes, CHF and a brain bleed all predispose someone to Vascular Dementia, if I were you I would start my research there.
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I agree with windy.

Erica -your mum is where she needs to be. Her brain is broken and may not have been wired normally to begin with. It is good to learn about the characteristics of the appropriate dementia so you know what is coming and how to deal with what is right now,

However, the managing of your day, your tomorrow and your week is also very important. You need to protect yourself from the stress too, as you can't fix your mother's problems. You don't have to take all the calls. You can let some go to voicemail. I found my mother would forget that she had called, even though at the time she called, it was very important to her. My heart goes out to you (((((hugs)))))
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Thank you both. I was originally calling every other day and crying ever time we got off the phone. A friend told me to pull back and i really only talk to her once a week maybe twice on a good week. Like you windy, i keep contact with the doctor through email so I know what’s going on. I also realized when she didn’t remember talking to our friend the night before she probably doesn’t remember talking to me either. She asked when she’d see me again but couldn’t remember the last time she saw me (about 2.5 weeks ago). I haven’t seen a lot of activities there which bothers me but she’s been in the subacute area and I was told the long term area is where they have the activities. Right now no bed available so hey keep her where she is until one is available and I hope then maybe she will want to keep busy although her new thing is “I hate people.” My mom use to be a social butterfly but the only one she wants is me unless she’s disowning me. I feel a little weight lifted now that i have the lawyer and started the process of liquidating things rather than worrying what my next move is.
I keep saying one day at a time and take deep breathes. I think this forum and you all have a tremendous help as well.
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Erica, you’re doing good. I don’t think it ever gets easy, but having these guys in care is such a relief. It’s good that we can trade our war stories. I wish you the best.
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I remember back when my Mom had a serious fall at my parent's home. EMT's came and took her to the ER. Sure enough a brain bleed was found. Home stayed in the hospital a couple of days as she was dealing with delirium. Once back home she was once again her self. Mom refused the doctor's orders of having a caregiver as she said her husband [my Dad] could take care of her, well she and Dad were in their mid-to-late 90's. Dad was also a fall risk along with other age related declines.

Then came a second serious fall, also with head injury, back to the hospital, another brain bleed, then to rehab, and then into long-term-care. Mom forgot how to walk or even stand. It was like all the sudden she was in late stages of dementia, which surprised me as she was pretty sharp for a person of 97.

Thank goodness I learned a lot on this website here about dementia so I just followed the recommendations. And I also taught my Dad how to relate to Mom whenever he visited her, just agree with everything she says, do not try to correct her. Surprisingly Dad did quite well. Except for times when Mom said she walked for 20 minutes [which never happened] but Dad believed Mom and wanted to bring her home.... [sigh]

To learn more about dementia, scroll down to the bottom of this page to the blue section. Click on ALZHIMER'S CARE.... there are excellent articles about both dementia/alzhimer's. Plus you can ask us any questions here on the forums.
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Sudden declines followed by plateaus are typical in Vascular Dementia.
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It is very hard, I know, but you have to try and look at it objectively.
I haven’t spoken to my mom for several days. Just no point, same conversation over and over. It’s better for both of us if we just detach for now. I tell her nothing about finances. She thinks her insurance covers everything. That’ll work.
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I don’t know if it would work for you, but I’m not talking to my folks right now as I’m just the bad guy. I check with staff, keep up with things. My folks are kept pretty busy, see lots of people throughout the day. With all that and their levels of dementia, they’re not missing me.

And you can rest easy now. Your mom is safe and cared for. Deal,with the financial/house stuff or delay it if possible and take a breath.

You mom may be more connected however, but you still may want to pull back a bit if possible. She’ll be fine.
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Anosognosia is a condition in which the dementia sufferer does not recognize the fact that they have cognitive limitations.

Is there a geriatric psychiatrist who visits the N H? It sounds as though your mom is somewhat anxious and agitated. Meds sometimes help.

" I'll check into that, mom" became our response to lots of stuff.
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It’s been just over a month since I got my folks in care. I purposefully did not put a phone in their room. By about day 2 mom was getting her bearings and was making noises about calling a lawyer. I don’t think she could have pulled it off but I was taking no chances.

Oddly however, she has never mentioned not having a phone. At home it was a huge problem. Crap scam charity calls all day and they got caught in the the GRANDKIDS IN JAIL scam. I caught it just in time. They had gone to the bank and withdrawn $1500 but couldn’t figure how to get money orders the scammer was demanding. The teller and manager at the bank tried to dissuade them but they wouldn’t listen.  I found the cash in a drawer while cleaning out the house.  It would have been just a matter of time before they’d have been wiped out.
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