Follow
Share

She does not wear a bag but does an irrigation every morning just had to move in with me trying for both of us. Do I wait on her or only do what she can't I fix all her meals and take care of everything now any suggestions would be appreciatef

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
You'd better get rid of the notion you have to 'entertain' mom. You are doing more than enough, and it will get much worse in the future. Put her in front of the TV, and go do your business around the house, this is not on you.

I remember when my grandmother was in her decline, using a walker, and my hysterical mother hissing at us, 'go sit with her! GO SIT WITH HER'. My father told my mother to shut up and deal, and I had boyfriends and a social life, nobody was going to 'go sit with her' for more than an hour. (Now, I want to stress my grandmother was ill, didn't talk much, was in much pain. If she had been her loving alert self, that would have been different, but the poor creature was sitting on a plastic covered recliner all day long except for a shuffle to the bathroom now and then. She really belonged in a nursing home and that is where she went after unloading a gallon of diarrhea on the way to the bathroom.)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My wife wanted to go to the assisted living facility after having lived with me for over 50 years. She is well cared for and now I am her caregiver advocate and visit with her daily and part of that time I also spend eating with her and just watching her sleep. Sleeping must be what she can do without any fear while I am around in the room. Being retired from nursing is also being able to know what to do to help her and what not to do for her. Visiting is sometimes almost impossible since she may misinterpret what I meant while visiting. Assisted living is our best since cooking, etc. is not my forte at all. We are not all the same and have various needs ourselves and if the caregiver doesn't take care of himself or herself then they may pass on first. I've seen it happen all too often. Been retired for over three years now - worked in the OR and PACU most of my career.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Yes she helps with meals loves to cook
And she loves to read this is new to both of us and I have to get over feeling like she is a guest and start doing the things I used to she still misses her home a lot and all her friends I live 5 hrs away from where she lived
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Fromzstore - She is not a guest in your home and you do not have to entertain her. If there are activities she can do to contribute, that will help both of you. When my MIL with dementia moved in with us, for a while she was able to help with things like dusting (we'd do a room together), cleaning mirrors or glass, and cutting vegetables for soup or salad, etc. She always said she wanted to help, and I know that it gave her great satisfaction to feel like she was a functional contributing member of the family. (Sadly, she became less functional as time went on - but was still able to cut up vegs. Then she'd remark on the ones she cut - i.e., the specific kind - when we ate the meal. LOL! It was sweet.)

You mother must have/had her own interests. Can you help or support her in continuing any of them?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thanks for all the advise this is a new journey for me she has only been with me a month and I still feel like I need to entertain her therefore have no time for me I no I have to get over this is I am to make this work I have always been real active and do a lot if quilting which now I feel guilty if I go to my sewing room and leave her in another room she does not want to go sit and watch me I do chemo wuilts for our local hospital I may have to give this up

Linda
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Fromzstore, I'm glad to hear that your mom is in fairly good health and is still reasonably functional. I hope that the two of you living together works out for all the years she has left.

"Never" is a long time, and it is more common than not that dementia progresses to a point that cannot be handled in a private home with a single caregiver. Often it requires 3 shifts of caregivers. Hope for the best scenario, but don't rule out other options.

I never promised my husband that I would keep him at home. I promised "I will never abandon you. I'm with you on this dementia journey to the very end. I will see that you get the best care all along the way, and if I can't give that to you myself, I will find an excellent care center for you. I will advocate for you. I will be with you a lot." As it turned out, I was able to keep him at home (with help). Yay! I hope you can do that, too. But I'd advise you not to "promise" to do that, because the future is not ours to control, and I'd also suggest avoiding the term "nursing home." Most modern long-term care centers are not like the nursing homes your mother is remembering.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I would watch her closely to ensure she's doing it properly, which means you have to know what doing it properly looks like. Not long in her dementia, my cousin forgot how to work her remote and she was very familiar with how to do that before the dementia. She also forgot how to get out of car. Just a couple of years later and she can no longer write her name or use the bathroom. So, it depends on the person, but I would be prepared just in case.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

What Jeanne and Mere wrote is true. If she continues to do the colostomy herself, she will remember how to do it for a long time. If you started doing it for her, she would probably forget fairly quickly. Things they do frequently seem to go into rote memory, so the steps are remembered better. It's a bit like a computer loading common programs into its startup menu so things run smoothly.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

She has always said she will never go to nursing home so I will do this as long as I can she is in pretty good health except her colonospy and her memory loss she still is able to read books which she loves and go to church at 87 she does pretty good just cannot live by herself
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My Mom had an iliostomy for over 20 years. She remembered how to change her pouch and empty it for a long time after being diagnosed with dementia. As her dementia progressed I found she would forget the order of some of the steps. It got pretty messy before I had to put her in assisted living. (I worked full time and the hired caregivers were always a problem.)

I did learn how to take care of her ostomy, which I recommend you also do.

Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Things that are routine and have been done repeatedly for a long time sometimes continue to be remembered by someone with dementia. Your mother has done this 18,000+ times and she may be able to do it almost on automatic pilot. She may need cuing or reminding to do it at all. And it is possible she will forget, as some dementia patients forget how to brush their teeth.

In other words, it is pretty hard to predict, but you'd better be prepared to do it or to coach Mom step by step through it, if it becomes necessary.

In general, it is best to encourage persons with dementia to do all the things they can do on their own. Waiting on them for things they could do themselves is typically not a good idea.

May I ask, how did you decide to bring Mom into your home instead of having her go to a care center?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Get her to a nursing home where she can be properly cared for, including a bag.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

There may indeed come a time where she is unable to care for her colostomy by herself, just as many people are unable to properly care for their normal bowel functions any more. Have you ever helped her? You could ask her to show you what to do just in case it is ever needed, and there are also videos on youtube that you can watch.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.