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I have been encoring my husband to take his mother to adult day care but she is so aggressive. He doesn't think it's fair for someone else to be burdened with her behavior and there are no other family members other than me. He is with her 24/7 and just needs a break. She has recently become aggressive with me too.

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There are many facilities in your area, but talk to mom's MD about what placement would be best for her. It won't be daycare, because they cannot take the risk of her hurting staff or clients. Look into a memory care facility that has experience with Alzheimer's patients.
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Tomorrow check out Alzheimers Speaks Radio online. Teepa Snow will be on the show tomorrow.
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Talk to her doctor!
I also kept a calendar where I would note behavior changes in my MIL. This helped the doctors and us.
I noticed that the better the routine and sense of control MIL had the better her behavior.
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My mom would get aggressive when there was something medically wrong, like pain or an infection.
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NOT to blame, but there are books about handling aggressive behavior by preventing the elder from feeling fear. It takes a lot of knowledge and patience to do things differently. I'm definitely in favor of drugs, because I have seen them help, but also try Teepa Snow videos on the internet. Go to her website to look at them.
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Is there a trigger for the aggressiveness? Day care centers most likely will not be able to deal with this. They have other clients that they are responsible for keeping safe. Perhaps, she needs something to keep her busy? Does she lash out unpredictably? Is it during times when she has nothing to do? If it is boredom a day ce ter may be a good thing. But, I would first try to determine what the triggers and control the behavior before trying day care. It could be a UTI that causes it. I too would bring it up with her doctor its possible a medication could help to control the outbursts, again without turning her to a zombie.
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Is her doctor aware of her aggressive behavior? Is she seeing a dementia specialist? The best first step would be to see if some treatments would help reduce or eliminate the aggressive behavior (without turning her into a zombie, of course).

From my own experience and listening to that of others in my support group, day centers generally can't cope with clients who are aggressive.

Aggression is hard to treat, but there can be encouraging improvements in some cases. Try getting medical help.
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