Follow
Share

Hello Everybody I am new to this website and even dementia as well. My Grandmother is 85 years old. She does not have retirement and every home we take her too runs about 3-4,000 a month for dementia care. Which nether me nor my parents have that kind of money to put forward every month. Neither does my Grandmother. We found a couple homes that would suit her perfectly and work with SSI and Medical. However there is a two year wait list for two homes. People have told me that she has to be admitted to the Hospital and then from there she can be admitted to a care home. However, she is still doing ok just becoming very hard for my mother and me to take care of her. I have went to the doctor and asked to have at least a doctors note to admit her in a home however both times he wrote doctors notes they did not work. I need to get her in a home not because it is becoming difficult for my mother and also me to take care of her also due to the fact that I know it can make her happy she always wants to leave the house and talk to people however we can't take her everywhere all the time. I just want to see my grandmother happy and well taken care of for the remaining years of her life. Can someone please give me options on what I can do anything is appreciated.


Blessings,
Jonathan

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Thanks guys for all your help I guess my last resort is to just put her name everywhere that accepts Medicaid and hope for the best, I was just trying to see if there is anything additional that I am missing. My grandparents have always taken care of me and have always wanted the best for me. My grandfather has passed away about 4 years ago however my grandmother is still living. But I am just looking for what is the best for her and make her happy for whatever years God has given her. Thank you all so much for your help and answers God Bless and have a happy new year.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You say that your grandmother tries to leave the house and talk to people a lot. Does she try to leave when she is alone? If she is a "wanderer"? If so, that creates a greater risk for her to be left alone. In fact, she should never be left alone. So, if the case worker knows this and does not increase the hours of in-home care or provide her immediate placement, I would think she would be placing her at risk. I might ask her pointblank about it.

Most states have official forms that must be completed and signed by a doctor to get admittance into a long term care facility, especially, for those with dementia. I would make sure that official form has been completed and it includes all things that place your grandmother in need and at risk for harm, due to her inability to care for her own needs. The doctor should be aware of such forms, but try to locate them online. Here's a link for the type of thing I'm referring to, though I do not know if this is correct form. You would need to confirm this. Social Services or a Long Term Care provider should be able to confirm which form you need.
http://www.cdss.ca.gov/cdssweb/entres/forms/english/lic602a.pdf

Does she live with you or do you go to her home? I think I would check with an Elder Law attorney to see what if any legal responsibility any family member has to provide her care. It varies by state, but most states do not require others to provide care for a family member. I would confirm the law in your state and then notify the case worker that it's up to them to have extra help provided by a certain date.

Please provide an update on how things are going. I know this kind of thing can be so stressful.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Jeanne, you hit the nail on the head about society not addressing this huge social change! You described very eloquently what so many people face. Thank you!

Jonathan, we are in a similar boat with our grandpa. We kept him at home as long as we could but it is just getting very difficult to manage now. We are from a small family too and though my mom has definitely been the primary caregiver, my sister and I have helped out since our 20s. My grandparents were always there for us -- we wanted to be there for them too. I don't think wanting to help your grandma and trying to be supportive to your mom is such a wild notion. It is great that you can see your mom needs more help with your grandma and even more wonderful that you are trying to help her find it!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Ah. It does sound like Gramma is on some kind of an elderly waiver program, most likely funded by Medicaid. They often do not approve care 7 days a week or around the clock because when that becomes necessary it is more cost-effective to place the person in a care center.

Contact Gramma's case manager. Not the person who works in your home, but the person in charge of her case at the office that evaluates and makes decisions about care hours, etc. Ask the person who informed you she did not get approved for more hours who this would be if you can't find it on paperwork. Explain that you need help getting Gramma placed into a care center.They can't magically make an opening appear where there is none, and you will have to continue to do your own searching. But they should at least be able to give you a list of all the places that accept Medicaid, and perhaps give you some tips for narrowing your search.

Those "two year" waiting lists have really unpredictable lengths. Many people sign up on more than one waiting list, some people die or move to another state to be with children. Not everyone on the list will actually wind up with a room. It is also impossible for any care center to know how many opening they will have each year. So sign up at all suitable places, and hope for the best!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

She has a social worker that comes and takes care of her however social services will not give her more hours. I tried to see what they can do as far as weekends and they did not approve her. It would be nice however Her current social worker is great however does not to work on the weekends even if we got her approved for the hours, however social services is not extending her hours which is why I have thought about putting her in a home
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

camarolover, having someone come while you and mom are working is great. How did you arrange that? How are you paying for it? Was any public agency involved? I'm just trying to figure out who you should talk to about the next steps. If Gramma has a case worker who set up the day-time care, then that is a good person to contact. If she doesn't have a caseworker, if you have arranged this care privately, and if you have not already contacted social services (or human services or whatever it is called in your county) for a needs assessment, then I think that is the next step.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Currently we have a social worker that comes during the weekdays however during the evenings and weekends she is our responsibility however my mother works 55 hours a week I work 60-65 hours a week to be honest we come home from work exhausted and not to blame my grandmother at all this is part of being a family, however I get tired and frustrated and I don't want her to feel like she is a burden I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated and I kick myself for it because it is not her fault it's just the disease that she has
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Camarolover, you are facing an extremely common challenge, and one that in my opinion will bring this country to its knees if we don't come up with better ways to resolve it.

People are living longer than we ever have. Not just a few -- there have always been some who have reached 100 -- but hundreds of thousands. And they are out-living their saving and their retirement funds. And they are living so long that many, many of them have developed chronic diseases that they wouldn't have seen had they died earlier.

So you have a dear 85-year-old lady with dementia. She was a good citizen, a good neighbor, and fine wife and mother and grandmother. She deserves to enjoy her old age as much as her disease will allow. But where can she go when her disease surpasses her loving family's ability to care for her? And where do her friends go, who have no loving family left?

Many states are trying to address this by making it a little easier for such people to live on their own or with family. That is what lindylu is talking about. There isn't as much effort (that I can see at this point) in assisting in making nursing homes more affordable. Medicaid still pays such a low amount that NHs are often not willing to accept it.

Let us all fervently wish (and vote accordingly) that our country comes up with better solutions in the years ahead.

I just want you to know that you are not alone and your grandmother is not to blame.

Have you talked to your county's human services agency? Those are the people who know all about programs for in-home help and also the kinds of care centers available. If you call and ask for a needs assessment you may have to wait a while for an appointment, but get on the list. Be sure a responsible adult sits in on the initial interview. My own mother kept denying she needed any help, so it was good to have someone there who knew she couldn't keep track of her pills and didn't use the stove, etc. etc. If Gramma has already had a needs assessment and she has been assigned a case worker, then you should work closely with that person (who is probably overworked and has a crowded schedule, but who is generally enthusiastic about helping families help their elderly relative.)

Let us know how things work out for you!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My mother is the only one that is able to take care of her, my grandmother has never like my father so my father stays out of and windy ridge I'm helping my mother because she cannot handle it no more we are both researching and my family means a lot she's not just my mothers burden as her grandchild I care for my grandmother and also care for my mothers health as well. That being said I do live in a small town and most places are 3-4,000 a month however there is not much around me that will just accept her due to her income, however I have checked in another town 20 min away from where I currently live and the same they are all wait listed. When given the note from her doctor they pretty much stated that it is not enough proof even when it states in the letter that she needs 24 hour care and cannot stand still by herself either. However I don't want to wait 2 years because that's what it seems like to be every time I go to a nursing in or within my area where I live. I haven't put my name everywhere to be honest I was frustrated that they are all 2 year wait but I will be putting her name on the wait list.

By the way I'm her grandson not granddaughter.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Jonathan, have you looked into PACE (Program for All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly) for your grandma? It might be something that would help if there is a wait for a suitable nursing home which accepts Medicaid. It is basically a program to help nursing home-eligible seniors stay out of the nursing home. It might alleviate some of the burden off your mom and you, since they handle medication, have on site drs, nurses, PAs, pharmacy, health aides, day care, and meals (as well as Meals on Wheels to take home if your grandma participates in that program at all.) More states are trying to keep seniors out of nursing homes -- at some point it can just be too much to care for an elderly loved one at home, but if you think you could handle her staying at home for awhile, it might be an option. Sometimes Catholic Social Services or Jewish Community Centers will also have adult day care programs and other resources (such as transportation) available -- it is a good idea to start with your Area Agency on Aging because they are often the conduit for such organizations to get help to needy seniors.

Also I would keep adding grandma's name to a few more waitlists just in case.
If your grandma has a fall or something and ends up being hospitalized, like you were told, you can emphasize to the hospital social worker that your family cannot provide her with the care she will need at home and they will have to find her a long term care facility after rehab. If she is placed in a nursing home you're not crazy about, then she can transfer to one of the waitlisted places when a spot opens up.

Usually there is an evaluation that needs to be done of a patient to determine nursing home eligibility. It might depend on your state. If you found a place with available spaces, did they say why the note was insufficient?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are the grandaughter. What is your parents role in this? Are they able to deal with your grandmothers needs? Usually this should be their burden not yours. Just being honest here. If no private funding is available Medicaid should be applied for. I'm thinking your family needs to find a care facility that has room and will accept Medicaid.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

You may have to expand your choices to more than two homes. The other possibility is that if your mother is ill or hospitalized, social services would step in and take protective custody of your grandmother. Please look at more than two facilities.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.