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It also hurts me when I visit him, and I have to lie, and keep looking for excuses to make him understand that he is not coming home. He cries every time I visit, which hurts me, and I also end up crying when I get in the car. The nurses tell me he gets very angry at them if they don't call me. Is this normal behavior for dementia? During the first weeks at the nursing home, he used to tell me he liked the place, the food, the people; maybe he thought it was temporary. Why the change now after almost 4 months?

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I wonder if its possibly just his latest dementia "thing". Someone who has been here longer probably has a better word to describe what I mean.

My MIL with vascular dementia has these bouts,or kicks, or streaks of asking or doing one thing repetitively. For a few weeks it was her phone. She is looking for her phone, wants a phone, needs a phone, can't find her phone, - get the picture? Sometimes it's I want to go home, can you give me a ride home, my sister is coming to take me home....

These dementia "fads" can last for a couple of weeks and sometimes longer before she moves on to the next one.

Dementia is a sad thing. The facility lent us the Maria Shriver dvds. One of the participants was a man with dementia who was blogging his dementia. He felt he was not really present during dementia moments. He worried about going out for the mail that he might wander away in a dementia moment. When we see MIL distressed by her dementia, we really hope she is not there feeling all that anxiety and sadness. Her latest "trend" has been crying with anxiety. They are trying a new med to help alleviate the crying, we'll see how that goes.
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Several things to consider. The first (and ugliest thought) -- has any staff changed that may be causing the behavior change? 2) Does he call at the same time each day? Sundowning may be causing it if it is later in the day. 3) Try visiting at different times of the day. My Mom (in my opinion) is easier to visit in the early part of the day. Later on, she wants to leave with me. 4) Sometimes it's 'ok' to evade the truth. There are a thousand stories to explain things. Examples: Workers/painters are at the house and the doctor doesn't want your husband to breathe the fumes. You are leaving now and going shopping and will return later (like your next planned visit). etc. If you can identify the 'problem', you will find an answer. I watched one of the women in my Mom's facility walk and walk trying to get out . It was this summer and I was afraid she would have a heat stroke! Now, she is comfortable and settled in. It did take a while though! If he doesn't like the food, bring him an occasional treat. His favorite soup or dessert will make him happy.
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