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My father is 87 and has late stage dementia. He lives in an independent living facility and has in home hospice as well as 24/7 caregivers. He still gets out and about within the facility and is quite sociable. However, Dad is absolutely fixated with a woman who works there. It seemed harmless at first, but his obsession has become a problem. He pesters her all day and becomes agitated or worried if he can't see her. The caregivers know to re-direct, but it does little good. Dad is convinced she's his girlfriend and they are going to get married. It's becoming increasingly difficult for this poor woman to do her job with Dad sitting outside her office waiting for her to acknowledge him. How do we get him to leave her alone?

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My father also was fixated on a NH employee. You need to start by discussing it with the nursing supervisor and social worker at the NH. Maybe they can lessen exposure to this person.

We had a rough couple of months where my father was obsessed with giving an aid some money. We explained that it was against the law and she would lose her job. That was ALL he would talk about for about 3 months.. He would call me constantly and no amount of theraputic fibs or saying no would convince him.

Then like a light being switched, he left that topic and went on to a different person to obsess about.
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Could you discuss this with his doctor and see if there are any meds which might help?
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I really feel for you, and for this woman. My FIL is fixated on me and, well, yes... dementia is very difficult to deal with. Your father most likely really believes he has a relationship with this woman and there's no way anyone, even her, will convince him otherwise. My FIL is convinced he and I have been carrying on a torrid romance for years--and delights in telling me about it in great detail. That's why I seldom visit him now that he's in a nursing home, and only with my husband, his son, present. He's adamant his son should never, ever find out about us. Only there's no secret except in his head. The whole family is aware of this thing that never happened. In that sense, it's very real. We totally know what you're feeling!

I'm wondering if there might be some way this woman can move her office to some location your father cannot access? If she must have an office where she is, that's not an option, of course. If he can get to where she works, that's what he's going to do. He truly can't help it. The disease in his brain is in charge.

Has she talked with you about the situation? Or are you trying to get ahead of it, out of concern for what she might do or say to her employer? These facilities often deal with infatuations of this sort, and may have their own ways of coping with ardent oldsters. If she's being harrassed, though, then she and the facility, and you, might have to work something out. I understand you want to keep him where he is, so hope you can avoid having to move him, but that may be the only way to keep him from acting on his compulsion.

So sorry you have to deal with something like this. Dementia doesn't play fair.
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