Hello everyone, I suspect my father has dementia for a while now, but I have tried to tell him to go to the doctor and for me to take him to the doctor and he refuses. I was able to get a power of attorney for my dad and his property in Florida. My father stopped paying for his townhouse maintenance a couple years ago and he got behind and now he has a lien and I was trying to take care of it, but all of a sudden he gave power verbally to his sister and his sister takes the rent money and gets the check from the tenants he has when I was doing it for one year. My father started falsely accusing me and is believing everything his sister says, his sister doesn’t like me and she told him that I stole from him, that I threatened her and she put him against me. I have been paying for my father‘s care. He just had a brain tumor and I paid his surgery. $6000 no one in his family helped me. All of the things that he is saying against me are hurting me, but I think his sister is manipulating him and brainwashing him. I know this disease is very expensive and he’s out of the country right now. He retired in another country and I was trying to take care of his finances for him because he’s been doing a bad job from a couple years back. I have my own life, my own family and my own bills. It’s very hard for me to be able to support him. Also, if he loses his house I tried to explain that to him that it was a financial burden on me. I was the the one that had to pay for his surgery and I won’t be able to do it again. I’m still in debt paying, but no matter what I tell him, I’m his enemy and his sister is the angel.
If he says no, you could resign as his agent and he can reassign the POA to his sister, and you could walk away from the whole mess.
Let him stay where he is, stop picking up the pieces and let them fall where they may. You can't fix this. You've tried. He made his choices, and you are entitled to your freedom from the mess he's made. Send him a greeting card now and then and change your phone number. Congratulations on working your way out of the mess!
Truly, it is impossible to manage things for an uncooperative and paranoid Senior.
I would call APS if your father is a citizen of our country with holdings here being managed by his sister and simply ask for a check on his properties, home, bills. I would tell APS just exactly what you told us. That you were his documented POA (show them the document and your records) but that his Sister suddenly swooped in and took over, and your father currently is not trusting you.
I would tell APS your concern is for his holdings in this country, and whether they are being correctly managed; that if they are, you are fine with his choice of the sister, and indeed relieved.
I am very concerned for you given your choice to pay for his surgery? If he had no Medicare and no supplemental, and had no insurance, your paying his bills when you were managing his money was odd? Why would you not pay his bills as you pay all other bills of his, out of his own funds?
You paying for your father when clearly there is money, homes, property? What of your own old age; it takes a lifetime of savings and good luck to prepare for your OWN old age? The bill was his and should have REMAINED his whether it got paid of not.
I wish you good luck, but you are no longer POA. Turn your own records (copies) over to the current POA and washing your hands of this.
As I said, it's difficult enough to manage for a cooperative, organized and wonderful person (which I did) but doing it for someone paranoid is impossible.
I am so sorry, but paranoia is a part of all this. And it's impossible.
Back in 2014-2017 I was managing my in-laws as they both were imploding physically and cognitively. They had $0 savings, no investments, had 2 very crappy cars and were upside down on their mortgage. My SFIL had Parkinsons and was in denial that his wife, my MIL, had short-term memory loss. He thought we were going to prop them up both financially and in caregiving in their home. He wouldn't assign PoA so that we could actually do anything for him. I told him if he didn't assign someone then the option B would be a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian who would then call all the shots. This is exactly what happened. I got my MIL into an AL on a Medicaid waiver, the guardian got him into a facility and their house got foreclosed. End of story. Everyone got what they needed without us going bankrupt delaying the only real solution. At that time my husband and I were working long hours in our family business and had 3 sons still in school. My inlaws had their whole lives to plan for their sunset years, and chose not to, instead assuming we were going to be their rescuers. Wrong.
You need to walk away from this situation and allow the other solution to play out. Your own family is your #1 priority and you paying anything for your Dad is robbing yourself and your family of your much-needed resources. Stop doing it. It won't feel good at first. It's not immoral. But it's the right thing, the wise thing to do. It doesn't mean you don't care about your Dad. For some problems there are no good fixes.
I wish you peace in your heart as you work hard on this critical boundary.
One of the first signs of "dementia issues" is when they stop paying their bills. That could have been from the brain tumor. It seems his Sister is manipulating him to get her hands on his money. STOP PAYING ANYTHING FOR HIM.
You need your own money saved for your own care down the road.
If you would, it is in you and your personal family's best interest to stop paying for stuff for him. It's evidently already hurting your finances.
You also have to decide how far in the fight you are willing to go. For some it would stop now, based on what you've stated. That's for you to figure out, and quickly.
Best to you, as my mom has dementia but thankfully we don't have the other issues you do.