Got a call from the NH at 9 p.m. They found my mother on the floor (again). She has a bed alarm but once it goes off, by the time staff come running she's on the floor. No harm done but she's very confused and upset. She insists her mother died today. In her 80's grandma dropped dead of a massive stroke in the 70s. Although my mother likes her room door closed, staff will keep it open tonight so they can watch her.

I'll go visit first thing tomorrow. Do I tell her grandma passed away long ago or do I go along with it and commiserate? She's deteriorating so rapidly and nuttier than squirrel poop these days. I'm thinking it's best to agree and commiserate, however she likely will have forgotten all about it by tomorrow. What are your thoughts please

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Thanks for your replies. Pam grandma passed in 75 in the UK. I moved to Canada later that year. My mother was the youngest of three. Her elder sister had been shunned since marrying a man grandpa disapproved of in her late teens (they went on to have a successful business and raise a nice family). Mother and brother had a tiff when I was a kid and never spoke again. When grandma passed my mother refused to help grandpa and no-one ever spoke again so my mother has no idea if there was a funeral, cremation or any type of service or where grandma's resting place was.. They were a horribly dysfunctional family.

My mother still knows who I am and I find the best way to engage her is to tell her what the fur family is up to as she's a great animal lover. One each of the dogs and cats previously lived with her, though she can't often remember their names. She particularly likes to hear how Lucy is getting along - Lucy is a starving wee kitten I rescued off a back road recently.

Mother takes meds for parkinsons, blood thinners (been taking those for years) and some vitamins. I've researched those meds and there's nothing untoward. She sleeps much of the time and I suspect when in a lighter sleep she dreams quite vividly. I know I do. My old cat is deaf, often talks to himself loudly in the night and I have the most amazing dreams.

It's 5.30 a.m. and I think I'll call the NH and see how she got on overnight. It's likely she's forgotten all about it so there's no need to get my panties in a twist.

I have no family and most so called friends abandoned me once I was care giving 24/7/365. I've no-one to talk to and I so appreciate you all being here for me. You don't know how much it means to me.
Helpful Answer (0)

If she doesn't bring it up, I wouldn't either.

If she does bring it up, semi-go-along-with-it. "It is very sad that your mother has died. She was such a sweet woman. Do you know what her favorite flower was? ... Oh, I don't think those grow around here, but I saw an awesome bunch of lilies on my way in today ..."

My dear Aunt Leona had zero short term memory. I mean none. My mother and I visited her with my cousin. She asked, "Where is Blackie?" (My father's nickname.) Obviously she knew who we were and that my father would normally be with us. Her daughter answers, "Mom, Blackie died a few years ago." This upset Leona a lot. "Oh, why didn't I know? Why didn't we go to the funeral?" She wouldn't be comforted by being assured she did go to the funeral. This came up four or five times during our brief visit. It was always painful for Leona and also upsetting to my mother. From what I know now I would handle that very differently. "Blackie couldn't come along this time. ... I really love the new flowers on the side of your house! Mom, did you see Leona's new pansies?"

Going along or changing the subject or avoiding giving detailed answers is often the kindest way to handle confusion and delusions.

Acknowledge the feeling "It is sad that your mother died." Don't worry about the details such as when that happened.
Helpful Answer (2)

redirection would have been my response .. or compromise . ( white lie )
Helpful Answer (1)

Is this the anniversary of her mother's death? Did she dream of it?
We too have a problem with Mom getting out of bed without ringing for help.
She fell on 7/19 and the ALF refused to take her back, so she stayed at the hospital, fell again in hospital 7/22 and was sent to rehab 7/25. She is very angry about rehab, said she was calling a cab, so they put an ankle bracelet on her. They also kept her in a wheelchair at the nurses station because she would not abide by the rule to stay in bed, and threw her purse against the wall when I would not give her the walker. The mini mental results are "mild dementia."
I think when they can't separate past from present, dreams from reality, and hazards from safety, it's moderate dementia. I would just try to redirect her thoughts to the present, skip the subject, find a positive thing to talk about. I know that fears and paranoia are the next phase, I am just trying to put that off as long as I can.
Helpful Answer (1)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter