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My mom's birthday was Saturday. My husband and I went to the NH took her presents. My husband commented on the picture of our latest grandchild on her wall. My mom said she looks like Paul who was my dad...then she said isn't that strange since she is not blood related. I said but, mom she is because she is my son's daughter who was his grandson, making her his great-granddaughter. My mom said you know that is not true in real life....I kept bringing up reminders of the relationship between me and my dad, my son etc and she kept saying not in real life. Both of my parents were known for their infidelities while they were married. it was always well known and discussed my whole life. I know her mind is fading, but now I am obsessed with what she meant. Was she telling me my dad wasn't my dad ? My dad died in 1979. My mom's blood type is A mine is O I just always thought I had my dad's. There is no one that can answer my question..my husband just changed the subject and she dropped the conversation. I thought about asking her again. My husband said he just does not matter it is what it is and he was my dad my whole life and that her mind is just gone, but why would she say that ? Good grief I know how silly this sounds but I cannot stop thinking about it..even to the point of looking at pictures of my dad and trying to find my face in his. Both of my parent had the same coloring other than my mom has fair skin and my dad had olive colored skin which I do. Delusions and fading memories can really wreck havoc for those of us listening.. Just needed to get it off my chest.

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I'm so sorry you have to live with this, but please understand that many people with dementia have said such things even when there has been no infidelity at all. They mix up people and past events and cognitively are in an era where even the person they've been married to for decades isn't recognized.

I'd consider this a delusion. It sounds as if your husband is supportive of you and he handled this well. Try to do the same as he did - just change the subject if this comes up again.

As you can see on this thread of comments, others have heard some pretty bizarre things from their parents as well. Painful as it is, it's best to ignore it and move forward. You truly aren't alone.

Please keep us up on how you are doing.
Carol
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Thank you. As the days pass and the shock wears off the more content I become. I sat down and looked through old pictures and I know he was my dad. I see too many people who look like me on his side. I am going with that anyway. ;-) My mom has been delusional for many years and in the past few months she is more delusional than she is clear. It is a sad time for us all and the addition of comments like that just add to the confusion. My dad was my heart and still is, losing him at 22 was hard and sudden, but I will say watching my mom disappear daily is harder....her and I have struggled for years, but the biggest thing I feel now is anxious pity. She wears me out...I know she cannot help it now. Thank you all for you sweet, helpful comments. This sight is a lifesaver for me.
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I went to see my mom today and she told me she was building a house. She pointed across the street from the NH. I said I bet it will be pretty when you are done. She was excited. Today is my half-brother's birthday he was her child too. He passed away in 1997 I said you know today is his birthday and she said I sure do miss him I said you will see him again she said I would like that. She told me a story about him buying his own bicycle when he was nine. I was watching her face today as she ate her lunch and it is becoming more blank by the day. Today it took all I could do to not cry because I thought of what she said Saturday about my dad and I know that her mind is just disappearing more and more everyday. Right before I left she said when will you be back and I said tomorrow she said good. This is a very sad time. I have gone through so many phases with her good, bad and horrible. I have hated her, loved her and pitied her. I will be glad to know the end of this story......it won't be happy, but it will be a relief.
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A lady in our assisted living told a co-worker that her (resident's) husband was picking her up for a dinner date. She was all dressed up and sitting in the lobby. Her husband was deceased for 20 plus years. My co-worker believed her. Another lady swore up and down someone stole her new purse she just received for Mother's Day. Upon search, it was found in her closet in a sack. She put it there for safe keeping, but in her head, it was gone so it must have been stolen. A gentleman called the maintenance man about twice a week to clear the gamblers out of his furnace closet. He really believed there was a floating crap game in there.
Having said that, these people, in their heart, believe these thing wholeheartedly. Does this have anything to do with your parentage? Could she be having delusions? Maybe, maybe not. Your dad is the man who raised you. If you just can't help yourself and you must open that can of worms, be prepared. Please don't give one elderly woman's rantings more weight that they are worth.
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You can make yourself crazy, or simply accept that dementia says some very strange things that have no connection to reality.
My MIL recently told me that nana was smuggled into the US on a train from Canada. I know for a fact that nana arrived from Italy on a boat and landed in Philadelphia.
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All good comments here and I'm so glad you wrote. Life dishes us all some pretty weird stuff to process. What helps me a lot is thinking that things could be much worse... so, I count my Blessings and keep going forward...
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P[ease try and find comfort in the fact that your father was your father. he raised you. he loved you. and never questioned where you came from. not enough people experience the unconditional love you recieved. it does not matter where the sperm came from. the minute your tiny body entered the world you were his little girl and remained so to the end of his life. God bless him.
Do not question your mother further. You will never know if she speaks the truth or even knows the truth. Your daddy loved you above all else that is enough.
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Please remember that father is a verb too - it's all about wiping tears, cheering your successes, hugging you until you broke the hug and teaching you what kind of man you deserve. You were blessed with a man who understood how to father well. You're dealing with losing your mom to a horrid disease. Perhaps you should set this aside and in the future, revisit whether you feel a need to follow up. For now, let knowing how much he loved you comfort you in your painful journey.
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If you have a real interest, you might take on the challenge and try to investigate, but if you don't want to find out any different, I would leave it alone.

Sometimes those with dementia say things that are not true. My cousin says things that I know are not true. She says she was in a movie and in love with a man in the movie last week, but she didn't know if their relationship would work. lol Well, she wasn't in a movie ever. One day she said her medical doctor was sleeping in a bed in her Memory Care Unit. I know he's never been there. So, it's things that aren't true, but they believe it, so I go along with it.

If there is independent cause to search for some other person as your father, you certainly could pursue it, but for some people that opens too many cans of worms.
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It just occured to me "not in real life" could mean any number of things to a dementia patient. If she really meant "he's not your father", that's what she would have said. "Not in real life" probably has some other meaning to her.

Do you have half siblings? Do you REALLY want to go for genetic testing with one of them?
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