I'm interested to know if others have had this experience or if anyone has advice about how to handle it. The short version is that my mother has been bed-bound since mid-August but is now claiming that:
1. She's ready to go home.
2. The she has been walking around her room, sitting on the edge of the bed, etc.
I'm sure 1 is true! Of course she wants to go home. The problem with #2 is she lacks the muscle strength and mobility to sit herself up in bed, let alone go for a walk. Let's not even forget the complications of doing so with a catheter!
I'm at a total loss for how to respond to her claims.
Do I try to explain reality? You have congestive heart failure, can barely move your right leg, and can't move your body around the bed.
Do I lean into the delusion? Wow! I had no idea you were able to do that. I guess we should make a plan for your going home.
Secondarily, I'm concerned that she may actually believe she is doing these things. If she doesn't, then she's just lying to me? Neither option is great!
I know I said that was the short story. TRUST ME! That's definitely the short version.
Anyway, I'd appreciate any insight or advice.
Thanks,
jsj
Happy New Years everyone!
Confabulation is a type of memory error in which gaps in a person's memory are unconsciously filled with fabricated, misinterpreted, or distorted information. When someone confabulates, they are confusing things they have imagined with real memories.
There's nothing to be "concerned" about here because your mother is displaying normal symptoms of Alzheimer's/dementia. Wanting to go home is also classic dementia talk and represents a place in time more so than a brick and mortar building, most often. As they regress in time mentally, they want to go back to a childhood home representing an easier, safer time of life.
Just nod your head and smile when mom tells you how she's walking around, tell her you're glad to hear it. Then change the subject.
I suggest you get a copy of Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with your mom now. She also has a 32 pg booklet you can download free online, by the same name.
Best of luck.
‘How to react’ depends a bit on how SHE reacts. If you get realistic, does it lead to a meltdown? If so, just ignore her comments, redirect the conversation etc. If she just acts like you haven’t understood, that’s where ‘when the doctor says so’ is a logical response.
Talking about home may meet some of her needs. Ask her what she would/will do, if/when she goes home. Ask what she particularly misses. Show her pictures. She may enjoy going there in her imagination. It may be nicer than ‘no’.
It's tough to hear, I know, but this is the way of it.
My MIL will be in her bed, look me straight in the eye and tell me she can walk and in fact has been walking around a lot! When I ask her to please show me, get out of bed right now... she "sort of" tries and when she realizes she can't, gets a confused look on her face. Then I change the subject.
Many with dementia ask or say they are ready to go home . You can’t reason with them .