3-1/2 years ago my step-parent brought me into a legal research situation. The project was supposed to be about a week. I billed accordingly. Needs kept mounting, and mounting and mounting. This person paid for services on behalf of the third party, and run out of money, but not out of "needs".

My step-parent is in their 90s, great health for their age. Money is exhausted and my incurred expenses are not covered, and I have worked full time with limited compensation (about 10% of what I should be making monthly!) and it has dried up my funds, and put me in the "red zone" and danger of losing my own (rented) home.

Moving in with this person is not an option. Ever.

The person isn't ready for assisted living. Way too healthy, mentally and physically.

Needs keep increasing for now project management on construction reno for house this person lives in...ultimately, house will be sold to pay my company's invoices in part. (third party was dissolved by court -recourse still from other individuals to be determined).

I need to get back to my life and my work. I don't have my safeties in place for my own safety net, or pending retirement in ten years. This situation has burned through "everything."

I don't think I am unique in this situation...

Professionally self employed people - adult "only children -- what are you all doing to manage "self care" and "preservation"?

I don't have other family members to delegate to - and this step-parent's remaining siblings won't go near this situation.

How do you delegate next-of-kin and POA responsibilities, ongoing legal, accounting, and now construction project management responsibilities - when there is no money to work with?


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HIRE AN ELDER CARE ATTORNEY NOW! Do it! I just posted a similar situation a few days ago where my twin brother (and only other sibling) has reneged on his half of Mom's care, as in he purchased one meal in the entire time I cared for Mom in my home. (I ended up having to file bankruptcy and we lost our home and our vehicles because my brother didn't live up to his financial obligations. Now he's dying from cancer and has his estate tied up in Trust Funds for his three children just so he doesn't have to pay up. Doesn't deny he owes it, just isn't going to do it.) So, please beware, I'm out $200,000 from him and even if I sue his estate, I will probably never see this money. My family never had a vacation in all this ten years that didn't include taking Mom (and her care) with us. Not even a weekend away. I worry for so many children for they do not know what's "coming down the ancestral pipeline" to ruin their retirement plans.

Did this step-parent help raise you? Are they receiving any help from the government such as Medicaid? I ask these questions because of the "Filial Responsibility Laws" that are currently on the books in I believe 29 states and many more states are adding these laws. If so, and your state is one that has these laws, you need to be careful as the state could decide YOU are responsible for the step-parent's debts and not only would you not be reimbursed for already incurred expenses, but all future ones as well.

Or here is the list:

The New Old Age
States With Filial Responsibility Laws
States with filial responsibility laws are: Alaska, Arkansas,
California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa,
Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana,
Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota,
Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota,
Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.
To look up the actual language of the statutes, here are the
1. Alaska Stat. 25.20.030, 47.25.230 (Michie 2000)
2. Arkansas Code Ann. 20-47-106 (Michie 1991)
3. California Fam. Code 4400, 4401, 4403, 4410-4414 (West 1994),
California Penal Code 270c (West 1999), California Welf. & Inst.
Code 12350 (West Supp. 2001)
4. Connecticut Gen. Stat. Ann. 46b-215, 53-304 (West Supp. 2001)
5. Delaware Code Ann. tit. 13, 503 (1999)
6. Georgia Code Ann. 36-12-3 (2000)
7. Idaho Code 32-1002 (Michie 1996)
8. Indiana Code Ann. 31-16-17-1 to 31-16-17-7 (West 1997); Indiana
Code Ann. 35-46-1-7 (West 1998)
9. Iowa Code Ann. 252.1, 252.2, 252.5, 252.6, 252.13 (West 2000)10. Kentucky Rev. Stat. Ann. 530.050 (Banks-Baldwin 1999)
11. Louisiana Rev. Stat. Ann. 4731 (West 1998)
12. Maryland Code Ann., Fam. Law 13-101, 13-102, 13-103, 13-109
13. Massachusetts Gen. Laws Ann. ch. 273, 20 (West 1990)
14. Mississippi Code Ann. 43-31-25 (2000)
15. Montana Code Ann. 40-6-214, 40-6-301 (2000)
16. Nevada Rev. Stat. Ann. 428.070 (Michie 2000);
Nev. Rev. Stat. Ann. 439B.310 (Michie 2000)
17. New Hampshire Rev. Stat. Ann. 167:2 (1994)
18. New Jersey Stat. Ann. 44:4-100 to 44:4-102, 44:1-139 to 44:1-
141 (West 1993)
19. North Carolina Gen. Stat. 14-326.1 (1999)
20. North Dakota Cent. Code 14-09-10 (1997)
21. Ohio Rev. Code Ann. 2919.21 (Anderson 1999)
22. Oregon Rev. Stat. 109.010 (1990)
23. 62 Pennsylvania Cons. Stat. 1973 (1996)
24. Rhode Island Gen. Laws 15-10-1 to 15-10-7 (2000); R.I. Gen.
Laws 40-5-13 to 40-5-18 (1997)
25. South Dakota Codified Laws 25-7-28 (Michie 1999)
26. Tennessee Code Ann. 71-5-115 (1995), Tenn. Code Ann. 71-5-
103 (Supp. 2000)27. Utah Code Ann. 17-14-2 (1999)
28. Vermont Stat. Ann. tit. 15, 202-03 (1989)
29. Virginia Code Ann. 20-88 (Michie 2000)
30. West Virginia Code 9-5-9 (1998).
State laws vary. owever, law student Shannon Edelstone, in her
award-winning essay (cited below), studied all of the state laws and
found that most agree that children have a duty to provide
necessities for parents who cannot do so for themselves. The states'
legislation also gives guidelines to the courts, telling judges to use a
number of factors when weighing the adult child's ability to pay
against the indigent parent's needs. Judges, accordingly, have
considered such variables as the adult child's financing of their
child's college education, as well as his/her personal needs for
savings and retirement.
Sources: Filial Responsibility: Can the Legal Duty to Support Our
Parents Be Effectively Enforced? by Shannon Frank Edelstone,
appearing in the Fall 2002 issue of the American Bar Association's
Family Law Quarterly, 36 Fam. L.Q. 501 (2002).
Helpful Answer (1)

I am so sorry I am so stressed I miss read your post, please forgive, hugs
Helpful Answer (0)

Have you tried a local legal aid organization for free help to sort out the issues? Does your company have a lien? Can you force liquidation of assets? Wishing you peace and sending blessings for a speedy resolution to this complicated situation.
Helpful Answer (2)

the courts can appoint a guardian for her, hope this helps, will keep yo9u in my prayers, hugs
Helpful Answer (1)

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