My husband is sort of my father-in-laws POA. He was named once before and my father-in-law had an issue with the tone and how my husband answered a question (after it was explained to him numerous times) on how to handle a situation with a phone bill.
My father-in-law then gave POA to a card playing buddy and a realative 4 hours away. His buddy died and after he had an "episode" he realized 4 hours is a long drive in an emergency and it is now back to my husband again.
He refuses to put my husband's names on checks, refuses to have any joint account, when the lawyer asked him if he wanted to set up a trust so the nursing home could not take his home if he ever went to a nursing home he said, "nope, let them have it." POA for my husband only kicks in if 2 doctos declare my father-in-law incompetent.
During the first POA set up when my husband was named (this was done at my father-in-laws request), they asked him in the event my husband (his son) died, who does he want to inherit his estate? He said his granddaughter (my daughter). They then asked if he wanted to name me the administrator since she was a minor and he said no. He told them he never wanted his son to marry anyone and to let the court appoint someone. They then told them since he is elderly and she is several years away from being legal age, that court fees would eat up everything. It was then he said, "Okay" but wasn't happy about it.
After he pulled the stunt of changing everything and then changing it back, he told my husband, "I don't want her (me) coming around her no more. He also lays cards and gifts from his granddaughter to the side and I have no clue if he ever opens them.
I found out that I am named as a back up POA in the event (God forbid) that my husband dies. I don't want it because the first thing I would do is put him in a nursing home. I do not drive due to health reasons and I will not pay for a taxi to take me to his house 3 times a day which is what my husband is doing.
It is my understanding you can refuse a POA. If that issue ever came up and he outlived my husband, do I just send a formal letter to his attorney refusing it? Does he then receive someone appointed by the state? He has one other child that he gave up for adoption that he refuses to meet with, so she is out of the picture to take over. His other family is deceased or hours away.