Anyone else had a decline in health with caregiving?

Well, at the 5 yr point of coordinating all care and finances for both my parents. Even as a retired RN....it's been more stress than I ever thought possible. Hubby diagnosed with Parkinson's in the middle of this....so here I am now....just in the last two weeks, learning that I have a huge tumor in my lung, that has apparently been growing for some time. I had no issues...and last CXR was 10 yrs ago.... and NOW...my Mom is living in WA state with our RN daughter taking over her care, so that I can be preparing for major lung surgery in the next couple weeks. Doing much legal stuff now, as I am trustee and only one who can access money for Mom's care...and have been both Medical and durable POA. Moving Medical POA to daughter in WA and getting second daughter to be back up on the trust to be able to handle the money aspects, and then arranging auto money transfers from AZ to WA to cover expenses for Mom while I am out of commission. Anticipating coming through this OK and reassuming all....but one has to be prepared for all possibilities. I do believe that stress brought all this on for me. I do thank the Lord that hubby is still self care and that both daughters are great support and help for me when there is a crises going on with Mom or with us. I have GOD in my life....and I am going on Faith with Him too.

Before I started taking my parents in I was is good health, running half marathons, playing tennis, diet was mostly raw since I was a lacto ovo pescatarian, so i rarely cook. I am in healthcare and on 24 hospital call at least 15 days of a month aside from my 40 hours regular shift. my mom 93 and my dad 94, both with dementia, my dad needing full assistance. I have a CNA with them while I'm at work, but when I get home, I'm still working. When I took them in, I continued to work full time with call, but did not have time for my usual fitness routine since I have to plan, shop and cook and package their meals for the CNA - my dad has gout, mom has hypertension so they need are on 2 different restrictions + my diet preference is also different. My husband and I were so sleep deprived, from our dogs barking incessantly at night time whenever my mom or dad needed to go to the toilet or when I get called back to work in the middle of the night. It's impossible to get even 5 hours of sleep because my dad needs full assistance to go to the toilet and wakes up wee hours of the morning or just 1 hour before my alarm is set to go off. I could no longer maintain the level of fitness I used to do. i developed Grave's disease an autoimmune disease, got bronchitis, then asthma, then I developed Central Serous Chromio Retinopathy (a black spot in the center of my eye which prevents me from being able to read or see clearly and according to the MD is caused by stress). My husband left me and I harbor no hard feelings because I think its selfish to ask for a person to spend 10 + more years of their productive life in this kind of challenging and limiting environment - my parents' relatives lived past their hundreds so it looks like theres no end in sight - they might even outlive me from how I'm starting to feel. I try to devote1 hour each day for yoga as my self care and attempt to meditate to try to destress and hopefully reverse my stress related illnesses and improve my health, but it is extremely challenging.

My mom now 93 lived with me from mid 2012 to beginnings of 2015 when i moved her to an asst living. She has dementia/az, and age related problems. She always had difficult personality.
I was 24/7 caregiver. I'm still her primary caregiver while is is at the asst living.
I never got compensation, with the exception we shared the cost of rent and basic needs when she lived with me.
Theses were my challenges which got worse:
1) I did not have good night sleep. still persists to this day.
2) my blood pressure went to high I got a minor stroke 4 months ago. I am still recuperating.
3) I do not have motivation to look for day job to supplement my SS . I am 71.
4) I feel depressed almost every day.
5) I lost social skills and friends who were not patient with "my always tired".
6) I stay home 75% of the time.
7) my family (2 adult daughters and 2 brothers) always ignore my requests for help while my mom lived with me and still ignore about my wellbeing. They never come to visit me or call me. All on the same state not more that 70 miles distance.
I do not know what is my purpose in this world .

Sometimes just going out for soup and salad/sandwich and a cup of high test coffee (i.e., caffinated) once or twice a week (without your care recipient) can do wonders for your mental health. Sneak it in. You know you deserve it.

So often, the stress we feel during and after caring for loved ones manifests itself in our own physical illnesses. The psychological weight of caring for someone, even if they are in a facility, is enormous. My mother is still living (90 years old), but happy in her assisted living facility. Yet, I am the one who takes her to the doctor, takes her to church, gets groceries for her, pays her bills, and handles any problems that come up. So, there is still stress, although it is much different than when I was taking care of my dad prior to his death. There may be no medical cure for your health issues because the cause is the stress you're under, not a physical problem. Stress manifests itself in different ways, and I have found (for myself) that when I'm under stress and a particular health problem resolves, another pops up. This does not happen because I'm unhealthy, but because I have the pressure of an ongoing responsibility (in this case, to my parent). If you remember that, it helps. My experience has been, when the stress is gone so will your health issues eventually resolve.

Had mom placed in memory care 1/4/17. She had begun to fall more in the months prior and was hospitalized with pneumonia a week prior to admittance to the MC. Mom has lived with me in my home for about 3 years now. Stressed much more recently, of course. Saw my doc 12/30 for sores in nose, rash spreading to cheeks, under nose, mouth, bad "cold." Was told then since there was nothing to culture nothing could be given to take care of rash and pain. Was told maybe cold sore. Finally seeing dermatologist today with same problem that won't go away, hoping in particular for something to fix the ugly rash. Never had anything like this in my life, have been relatively healthy, was using my treadmill but not religiously for quite awhile, overeating. I know I did the right thing by mom and for me by placing her since I'm to the overwhelmed point. I do now have the added stress of kinfolk who still think I will be able to "gift" them come spend-down time. I expect to feel better shortly (?), best to try to stay optimistic and hope for more "me" time to get more exercise in. I'm trying to enjoy just sitting in my home alone right now, frankly, and trying to stay upbeat when I feel like crying.

My dad passed away six months ago and the last few weeks of his life were very stressful for me and my mom. Hospital, rehab center, then long-term care facility. He suffered a great deal, and the whole experience left me exhausted. I am generally in perfect health, but during that time and for three months following I had sinus infections, ear infections, tonsillitis, and laryngitis. It was awful. Coming out of it now. Take care of yourself, plan ways you can rest and get away for a weekend. That helps tremendously.

My health did suffer, but not quite as badly as it might have done. I did not care for my mother out of obligation, but out of love. Sometimes it was so hard and, yes, I did let some things go. I gained weight, got out of shape. Luckily, I kept taking most of my supplements, found support groups, called the Alzheimer Associations 800 number when I needed to, beamed when my mother smiled. I haven't seen a dentist for over a decade but I brush and use perio-brite (from the health food store). I learned how to care for myself and forgive myself while caregiving.

But if you are doing this without getting help you are doomed. Always connect with your local Area Agency on Aging. A good case manager can be a lifesaver.

It is so hard to set boundaries for ourselves, especially when we feel there is no support. I now make a point of asking for help directing and, if my siblings don't step up to the plate, I will look elsewhere. Some of them think that because my Dad gives me some money to cover costs that I am now getting 'paid'. What a joke. If my parents were to hire someone it would cost them four or five times the amount. At times I feel guilty for the funds but then remember that there are siblings who are usually missing in action or in denial as to what is happening.

I was as a point of a nervous breakdown nearly two years ago but have vowed to take a step back and look after myself. I arrange for my parents to have meals prepared and keep track of the many medical visits and accompany them to the doctors. I mentioned in another post that my out of town sibling came to stay with my parents over the holidays and it was a real eye opener to her. She got a little taste of what I live with.

Thanks to everyone who replied. It could be worse - at least I have a part time job and that is my saving grace because it gives me some time away. Horrible to think like that, but I resent that my life is really over. She's been in nursing homes before, for rehab and for respite, and she hated it. Except for when I was out of town, I had to go there every day for hours, bring her things, and listen to her complain. She raised me and helped me raise my daughter, so I do owe this to her. I just have to accept that my life is pretty much over. After caregiving is over, then the grieving, and there will just not be much of me left over.

I should get in touch with an elder law attorney who can arrange placement for her if I go first. Because I am not going to allow my daughter to become a caregiver, I actually hope I get cancer, and I will not treat it, except for pain relief - I'll let it progress and then move to Oregon. As a caregiver, I have given up on happiness, and only hope for some peace. Sorry for venting. Others have it so much worse.

Sorry, I entered by mistake b4 finishing my post. What I wanted to say is caring for my mother is something I am not sorry that I did however my regrets are that I did not "make" time to care about my own needs. And by own needs I mean going to the dentist/doctor, being more verbal about asking for help from others, taking breaks for myself to manage stress. All that is easier said than done. Now that I'm older and find myself in the caregiver position with my husband it has been an uphill battle all the way. He had to go to one of many ER hospital visits and a very nice social worker pulled me aside and talked very kindly and straight to me. She told me that I could not keep doing this all by myself and told me that a high percentage of caregivers die before the one that is sick. She went on to tell me I was displaying a lot of the symptoms in short I guess burn-out. Which is all very true. Things got a lot worse for both of us before getting better. I had to call a mental health crisis line for myself and two wonderful ladies came and talked to me and gave me info on how to issue a mental/health warrant for my husband in order to get him care. Otherwise he would have died. Fortunately for me he came around enough to agree to go to the hospital but what he does not know is he came within a couple of hours of having police to take him w/o his agreeing to it. The stress of that alone was monumental. I am thankful I was talking/working w some really good doctors and psychiatrist to helped facilitate his move from hospital, to a week in mental ward at hospital and then from there to the nursing home. I highly recommend looking into the matter of getting your parent to go to a nursing home. Let's face it nobody wants to a nursing home. And yes, there are still some bad homes out there, but don't give up, there really are some places that are very good. Consider some what if's. What if you the caregiver find yourself incapacitated by sickness/mental/financial or whatever, what would happen with your parent? Another issue is there are many people that end up with asognosia, which is a fancy medical term for someone that cannot sense the fact that they are really that sick. Sounds like that may be the case with your parent. The gravity of caregiving is far reaching. There so much to consider my prayer is that God will help you and your parent(s) and work all these things out. Sorry so long

Want to ad to my answer above that I left out all the stress, frustration and pain because that isn't a reason to think what else do you expect than for a caregiver to fall apart. I talk to God, my Mother telling her that I love her,my cat and a friend or two and have been writing and learning on this site. I have lots of pressure and problems. It could all be worse if I was not putting that all in perspective of how can we best serve the Lord. Biblically, know that our bodies are temples of the Lord. Just now, take a break. balance on your right and then your left foot or something you can handle for 10 seconds. This is what I do. We need to share what we do to stay healthy.

I cared for my mom in the mid-80's at home I was in my late 20's, she had cancer and was 90% bedridden, Then I was younger, stronger, healthier, but I did put my needs on the back burner. I let go of my dentist appoints and now I've had to have all my teeth removed

Dana, same here perfect health for my age [senior citizen] then for me stress took a major toll... I wasn't hands on per say, I was running errands, taking my very aged parents to endless doctor appointments, groceries, etc. Plus I was working full-time. My Mom refused caregivers and cleaning crews. Dad was falling every other week. They lived under their own roof and I under mine. Every time the telephone ran I went into sheer panic. Had a ton of sleepless nights due to worrying about my parents who were in their mid to late 90's.

I use to be a gym rat prior to the caregiving, and now to look at me one would never believe it. All that hard work down the drain. During the 7 years of helping my parent I developed breast cancer, no markers, so the doctor said it was stress related, that in itself was a terrifying ordeal. Not long ago I fell and broke my shoulder, was out of commission for months, as we ourselves age we don't heal as quickly.

The stress of everything caused me to have a few break downs. I was an only child with no grown children... no one to pass the baton unto. Eventually I took the advice of my primary doctor and got help for myself. I am doing better.

For me, pretty consistent is taking care of myself. It doesn't seem to matter if it is is as an entrepreneur, working for others, care taking, going back to school, etc...I have ups and downs in health. It is hard to believe at my worst, I was overweight, lying in bed, having had a stent and subsequently a pacemaker. I was scheduled for a heart operation. I went skiing instead. My come back was getting to a fresh spring water source in the mountains, eating organic, high fiber, quality protein and a lot of vegetables and water, adequate walking, exercising and a sport that kept me engaged. Now, when I can't go to the mountains it is still inside of me and gives me strength. I was going downhill health wise caretaking when conscience thought brought me back to all those healthy things even in close quarters, taking care of my Mom. I move around and dance in front of the TV, Everyday I have a salad with lots of veggies, others: avacado on whole grain bread, protein spread out during the day and keeping a good supply of fresh spring water. Visualize an island, the ocean or in my case the mountain tops, skiing above the clouds. I don't have to be there. I want to be with my Mom, taking care of her, that is my highest calling. God willing and I have to be willing to get and stay healthy. Also, to teach skiing I had to lift a 50 lb weight. That helped me when I came back home to care take my Mother. I work out with a suitcase filled with heavy objects. I keep it handy at home. Start where you have to. Carry something of weight as you move about. You don't have to go to a gym. It helps to have a car with a heated seat. .I am some pills, vitamins and oxygen at night. I feel better than I did 30 years ago. Did you get a blood screen? I get a blood screen once or twice a year.

It should not bankrupt you, because she is the one who pays for the facility. When her funds are gone, Medicaid pays the rest. If she is the widow of a wartime veteran, she could get help from the VA.