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My mom was buried on Wednesday afternoon. Her lawyer came to the funeral and I was informed that I was to meet with him and my brother, mom's trustee, today at noon about her estate. I found out yesterday that my brother tried to get my mom to change her will two weeks ago when I was out of town. So I cancelled the meeting and said I was going to get a lawyer because it is all too fishy. I also told the lawyer I feel he is part to blame for mom's death because I repeatedly told him that my mom was being neglected by my abusive and absent brother. So now the lawyer won't speak to me because of my "accusations," is demanding that I get my own laywer, and my brother is telling my daughter that she has to leave the house and take all of her possessions. My daughter is nineteen and was living with my mom for over a year. Her grandma was buried less than two days ago. My brother is saying he "has" to secure the house and evict her because I accused him of stealing and he has to protect my mom's assets so I can't accuse him anymore. He also said that the lawyer says I need an attorney and I need to retract my accusations in order to proceed with the settlement of the estate. I told him that I was fed up and to go ahead and sell the house, which is not what I wanted, but now he won't do anything unless I get a lawyer. Have you actually EVER? It is INSANE.

Update: my mom specified that I could live in the house after her death. I was to pay 60 percent of the mortgage (which was taken out to benefit my brother btw) and he was to pay 40. He wanted to sell the house because he had used my moms credit cards to rhe tune of 60k, couldn't pay on them and didn't want me to find out. Also has about 100k in his own debt which he hides from his wife by having the bills sent to our moms.
So he basically lied to my mom when he signed the Trust last yeat promising to pay his share if I decided to live there after her death. He also signed a mortgage on his own 5 bedroom house 2 months later for $500k. Now, he says he has no money and cant pay his share. The house is in arrears 3 months and in danger of foreclosure. It is worth about $750k.

I hired a lawyer, spent 6k already and do not have any more money and no one to lend me. I had to let him go because he says we need to sue but I dont have any more money. I cant even offer a contingency situation where I pay the attorney when It is settled because the house is now in danger and I may get nothing. My brother was absent his whole life but somehow won our mom's confidence. He was and is in charge of everything. He and his wife are both FBI analyststs and military. He also has a police pension already. They have 5 government salaries (and pensions), a huge house, full time live-in nanny care from her fairly young mother. I have cared for my mom alone and my 2 daughters alone (usa tiny apartment), running a small business alone for 18 years and running to my moms literally 10 times a day after she went blind, started falling, became incontinent. I was there for everything, gave up hundreds of days of work, been able to save nothing, my own family in shambles. My homeschooled daughter is a year behind because of my care for my mom. And I very likely will get nothing to help support my family, make up for all the loss, or even get my legal fees back. I tell you: life os unbelieveable sometimes!
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Reply to ChiGirl68
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So many thanks to all of you for your answers. I did finally get an attorney as it is now very ugly and also scary. My brother has lost his mind and is destroying our own sanity and we are afraid of him. I posted a new question today because he "took back" all of the assets he said I could have.
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Reply to ChiGirl68
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is it common for the lawyer to attend the funeral?
to me it seems strange. but maybe its not?
he comes to the funeral on Wednesday - then tells you there is a meeting Friday(today)?
I don't know that just seems so hurried. Why wouldn't lawyer understand people need alone time and time to reflect after a death. not rush to lawyer office. ? .
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Reply to wally003
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Shane1124 Aug 25, 2018
Absolutely agree! How insensitive of your brother & his attorney! And if you snapped back at him, so what? You just buried your mother. If he and your brother can’t understand that your response was made while under much emotional stress and sadness they both are being pompous buttheads. I don’t know if he can evict your daughter and perhaps if daughter can produce bills sent to her at grandma’s address - like auto insurance or a pay stub to establish residency I can’t see how she can be evicted in your brother and his attorney’s timeframe.
I would look around now & hire my own attorney & see how this plays out. They may be calling your bluff and shame on them for approaching you so quickly after your mom’s burial.
Have your daughter or you research your state laws re: tennent eviction so you are aware of the law. Most likely your daughter may have to move eventually but maybe not.
Good luck to you! I am sorry about the loss of your mother.
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I agree, getting daughter out before legal advice is obtained is probably premature.

My suggestion was just based on my personal experience. There was no bystander living in the house, it was one of the Executors. So, so, many things have disappeared. Valuable, sentimental, and historical. Those things were being overlooked by the heirs. There is just one thing the heirs are very upset about and will not waiver on.

It is ironic that I read this post this afternoon. I had just read an email from the heirs Attorney on behalf of my husband. Apparently, it’s time to settle with Executors or File a Lawsuit. Attorney is advising Lawsuit. Breach of Fiduciary Duty. I am nauseous.

Unfortunately, the death of the Loved One sometimes brings out the worst in people. Especially if the choice of Executors was not well thought out by the deceased.
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Reply to lizzywho61
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Not sure about the advice to get your daughter to leave the house. In most places it is very difficult to force someone out of a house, and very difficult to get back in if you have left. There is no need to jump because your brother says so. Probably better to get legal advice first.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Chigirl,

Yes, you need a lawyer. The sooner the better. One familiar with Estate matters.

My FIL passed away 3.5 years ago. The Estate is still open. The 2 Co-Executors have taken the Will on an off road adventure. Things have gotten very nasty. It’s very sad but infuriating to watch.

My knee jerk reaction would be to get your daughter out of that house. But not before YOUR Attorney is there to take pics of the contents of the house, accompany your daughter on her exit, and all keys are turned over to YOUR Attorney.

Again, you NEED an Attorney.
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Reply to lizzywho61
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ChiGirl; My mom died a year ago tomorrow. She had a will, my brothers and I all get along and everything was done in an expeditious way, plus the house was sold two years ago, before mom's death.

Even with a very tidy estate, checks were just issued yesterday.

Probate moves v e r y s l o w l y.

I've got a stack of letters from the Probate Attorney; we each had to sign and return all kinds of affidavits that we were not contesting the estate.

You NEED your own lawyer if there is contention.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Probate, the settling of a will takes a long time even when everything is clean, clearly laid out and not contested at all. Unless one of you lives out of state, trying to schedule this meeting so quickly may just be an attempt to get under your skin on your brothers part. If I were you I would try not to let him (or them) push your buttons. It might be easy to make you out to sound like the unreasonable one when your upset (and rightfully so) and all worked up, my guess is by not getting worked up and dragging things out even more than the will be anyway you will turn the tables a bit and get under your brothers skin. I agree with JoAnn, I doubt anyone can force your daughter out of the home she has lived in for a year that quickly, maybe they are trying to get her to just leave or you to get her to move quicker, who knows but slow it down, give yourself time to digest and process and don't give your brother so much emotional power by expending so much energy on his games. I know this is easier said than done of course.
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Reply to Lymie61
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Who is the Executor of the Will or Administrator? Who has been approved by the court to administer the estate?
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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Just a thought, maybe it will be found lawyer and brother have been in cahoots together. If so, you can sue the lawyer and/or get him disbarred.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Where I live, you can't even probate until 11 days following a death.

I know it will cost you, but get ur own lawyer. He can supina records for the accounting of how brother spent Moms money. If your daughter has been there a year she maybe considered a tenant now. Brother may have to evict her or not even have the right to do it until the estate is settled. I remember your other posts and lawyer seemed to side with brother.

Sorry for what you may have to go thru. I personally would just be happy with an accounting and to keep daughter where she is right now. If its found brother used money for himself than that amount should go back to the estate. If Moms lawyer is being paid from the estate than maybe yours can be too. Good Luck.
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