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My mom is 73 and just now has been diagnosed with BPD, I asked years ago about this with her mental illness and everyone said no way. She can be so mean at times and says some not so nice things. She does not have dementia that I know up, drs said no but then they said she wasn't crazy either and well I know that is wrong. How do you deal with a person with this. She's in a nursing home and I was told now that I might have to move her once again because of her outbursts. what do I do. this cant keep going on.

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BPD is very perplexing, missmel, so I feel for you in having to deal with it. The person is so changeable that there's often no way to make them happy. Going back and forth can be totally crazy making. I found that trying to reason things out doesn't do any good, because a person with BPD is never to blame. They are always the victim of someone else's misdeed. I think the only way to deal with it is to set limits about what you will do, and not change what you do to meet their whims. You'll end up going back and forth, doing and undoing and redoing whatever they have in mind. BPD is a disorder where you have to set limits and boundaries that can't be swayed by their mood of the moment.

We have a few people in the group who have parents with BPD. My mother is not diagnosed, but has the traits. I know what you're going through. My mother, fortunately, does not sound as temperamental as yours. She shows only a good side to most people, so I wouldn't expect her to have outbursts in a facility. What did she become so angry about?

I hope that you don't have to move her, because it would most likely happen again unless she mellowed out. The only advice that I can think of is to take it one day at a time and try to keep emotionally distanced from her drama. Does she have anxiety with the BPD? I wondered if she might respond well to a mild sedative.

I just don't know what to do with BPD. The worst effect that it has on me is that it makes me irritable when I'm resisting being pulled into the back and forth of it. With my mother I just say, no, we are not going to do that. She is accepting it better now than she once did, but there is always the attitude that goes with it.
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