I really have no words for what happened to Ninny today. I am so mad right now that I'm going to tell you guys what happened so that I don't hunt down the number of the person in question and scream at them. I just need to vent to someone so I don't ruin family ties by letting my emotions get the best of me.

Ninny (93 with vascular dementia) was making a few phone calls to some people to try and find someone to talk to. I usually subtly monitor her when she's making phone calls and cut her off after 5-6 by distracting her with something else - otherwise she will keep calling the same person non-stop and leaving voicemails every time. Anyway, she was doing okay - she'd made 4 phone calls, 2 to one person and 2 to another, and when she made her 5th call, someone picked up.

Anyway, said person (one of her grandsons) began absolutely SCREAMING at her - she is hard of hearing so her receiver is louder than usual, but I could hear him yelling from the hallway, about 15 feet away. She innocently asked to talk to a couple of people that live with him (his wife and his daughter, the people she tried first) and he ignored her and kept cursing and yelling about how sick he is of having her call him & his family at all hours of the day (she doesn't call anyone before 10am or after 10pm). He repeatedly insulted her before telling her not to call him anymore and finally hanging up on her.

Needless to say, this was one of the memories that DID stick, and she has been completely down in the dumps since that call. I have no clue how to cheer her up - that was almost 2 hours ago and I can't get her to stop thinking about it. I just want to drive over to her grandson's house and slap him silly. What kind of horrible person does that to his own grandmother?! Even if I remind myself that he doesn't understand her condition at all and why she does the things she does, it was still completely uncalled for and I have no idea why he flew off the handle like that. I'm sure she has called him incessantly in the past but this was the FIRST TIME TODAY that she called him. Is it so hard to find 5 minutes to talk to your grandma once in a while? Really?

So now I have a weepy, inconsolable woman with dementia and we are both having a terrible day just because her grandson couldn't find the decency to not be a complete a-hole. I have seen phone calls go awry a few other times with some other people who just don't understand what is going on with her and how to communicate properly with her, but this was by far the worst. I wish she would forget this the way she forgets most things, but of course this is one of the few things that decided to stick like glue.

I really don't know how to make people have better interactions with Ninny - in reality, there is probably nothing I can do. I can understand their confusion and frustration to some degree, but yelling at a little old lady? Come on, now. UGH.

And I'm done ranting - I'm just upset (both for myself and for Ninny) and needed to share with someone. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? If so, any advice?

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The grandson should be complaining to you, and you should stop letting her annoy people. You're the one who set up that situation. He apologizes to her and you apologize to the other household.
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I'm butting in all over the place today! Here's my 2 cents: the grandson owes her an apology, BUT, part of caring for someone w/dementia is realizing that they can be a nuisance to others. Your grandmother needs more limits w/the phone calls.
I don't have this particular situation, but when I'm out with my mother, I need to gently pull her away from others when she starts to 'hold them hostage' making small talk. People are polite for a minute or two, but anything more than that is an imposition, and I don't expect anyone to have more than common courtesy. And, there are places I don't take her anymore if I don't think I can control things.
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Five calls to the same house is not reasonable. It's like letting a toddler play with the phone, and I don't think I would do that. One call, one voice message and then redirect her attention, please. Obviously her grandson is upset by her decline, so keep it to one call.
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