I am curious if anyone else has had to face this issue and how you deal with it or have a life?
My mother has been diagnosed with dementia or early onset Alzheimer's. She is 60. I am about half her age and am trying desperately to be there for her while having a life of my own.
I have recognized that she needs a companion because she lives alone and constantly complains of being lonely. Eventually this companion will need to be full time, to make sure she eats right and takes her meds. I live in another country and come home as often as I can. However, I am thinking I need to move closer to her though I cannot live with her.
Why? I feel myself falling apart under the burden of trying to organize it all - make her appointments, keep them with her, cook, keep her company. I love her, but I feel like it would send me insane.
The other more serious thing is that my mom and I have an enmeshed relationship (parentification, spousification). Before her memory loss even. Even in my 20's I was still sleeping in the same bed with her when I would visit. She still expects me to. I remember going out with my friends and feeling guilty about doing so. Even now, when we spend the whole day together, she still makes me feel badly for going out with friends in the evening. I feel like her vulnerable state has only increased her dependency and I want to peel her off.
I am so scared of never being able to have a romantic relationship I can focus on and also feeling burnt out by the time I have children,as I feel like I have an adult child. Except this adult child tries to parent me like a 12 year old by freaking out if I come home at 9 thirty, but she needs attention and assistance.