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My aunt who is 63 lived with myself and my husband. We cook for her, take care of her finances and all her shopping and anything else she needs. We have let her stay with us for the last 11 years. The thing about her is she's mentally disabled, not with a condition, but her IQ is only 63, she lacks common sense and some cognative ability. I don't know why, but she writes down everything, when we water the plants, what time I get home from, how many times a day I let the dog out to use the bathroom, etc. Well she also takes personal notes in these notbooks, and I have come to find out that she refers to my husband as the fat lazy a**hole (sorry for the language) and I am the pregnant b*tch (I'm 36 weeks pregnant) Her and my husband don't see eye to eye, but he always makes sure she's taken care of and is generally very nice to her. I don't really appreciate her calling us names after all we've done for her, and especially calling him a lazy ass hole, he works construction and only gets about 4 hours sleep a night, I think he's entitled to some tv time. I am in no condition to confront her for a screaming match as I don't really need to go into early labor, I'm not sure how to confront her on this, especially as she has been caught in the past calling my husband names. It's petty and unfounded and she needs to realize that he's not an ass hole to her, but she just will not listen. What should I do? Any ideas would be gratefully appreciated, Thank you in advance- Samantha

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FF I am 63 and I can clearly remember school telling my father to keep my sister home because she was retarded (1960). Back then they just threw kids out, so they never learned to interact with peers.
On the other hand, when sis moved to a group home, she learned manners and rules and proper social behavior. Medicaid covers all the costs and she has a very generous PNA allowance.
She is not good around babies, hates diapers and can't stand hearing babies cry. She would start to yell and cry herself. We NEVER left her alone with a child.
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It won't get any better. Get her to a Group Home ASAP because I have no idea how she will behave with the baby. It's definitely NOT worth the risk.
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Alegra0272, just curious how you were chosen to be the one to take care of your Aunt? As for her doing name calling, she probably is acting like a child who uses bad language because of the reaction she gets when using the words... then add on lack of common sense.... what do you expect?

Sounds like your Aunt would be better off in a group home where she would be around a peer group. Check with your local county government to see if anything is available in your area... chances are Medicaid would help with the payment.
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How kind of you and your husband to have looked after this disabled relative for more than a decade! That was an awesome act of charity.

I think that you really cannot take her lack of appreciation personally. I really do not know much about behavior of persons with low IQs, but she probably isn't really capable of sound reasoning. Hugs to you both. This more about her disabilities than it is about you.

You are now starting a new chapter in your family life. You and your husband will have a baby to look after, new responsibilities, and a whole new set of challenges and rewards. I think it is a perfectly reasonable time for changes in your responsibilities to your aunt. Find her a good care setting, where she will have other people to interact with and activities to participate in, and where they understand her special needs. Do not abandon her, please. Visit. Bring the baby to see her. Go on family picnics and outings. Try not to punish her for her unkind thoughts. But move forward building your own family.
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Your first obligation is to your husband and to your family, even if the bby has yet to be born. Your husband does not need to be abused by your aunt. Your aunt is NEVER going to realize anything that she does not want to. This is like expecting a snake to change its character.
Evict if necessary, and group home.
I'll ask a question: what will you choose: your husband and family or your aunt?
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I agree a group home before the baby arrives.
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You might call your local Senior Center and ask to speak to a social worker. Tell her what you have written here, and see if they will place her in a group home somewhere. She most likely will be happier there, with others to interact with. She should get good care. She is beyond you and your husband's capabilities. Do it all with a loving attitude, for she is to be pitied. But you and your husband need to get help for her.
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Any ideas where i would find a home for less than 600 a month? She has no insurance and that's all she gets from social security.
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Alegra0272, she is probably eligible for Medicaid. You will learn this when you request a needs evaluation from Social Services in your county.
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My daughter is 19 years old and has Autism. Her High School Social Worker put us in touch with PUNS, a government program that helps developmentally delayed people who were diagnosed at school age. Mental Retardation comes under that heading. There is normally a waiting list but emergency cases are taken first. They provide all kinds of programs and help including caregivers in your home or outside the home living arrangements like group homes. Our program is for residents in Western Cook County, Il. and Eastern Dupage County in Illinois. The money comes through the Dept. of Human Services. PUNS=Prioritization Urgency Need Services. I hope this program is available to you. Perhaps you can check with the Special Ed. Dept. of your local High School or Community Support Services Inc.; www.CSSservices.org for info. on this program and other support services. Good Luck.
P.S. Did you consider writing a thoughtful but honest comment in her journal? It may get your point across to her without a confrontation. You don't even have to sign it. Just a thought.
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