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ok my husband, 2 year old and i live with my grandmother in law, im her primary caretaker. anyways, since my daughter was born, gmil is jealous. she lost her husband 4 months after my babys birth. she is just clearly jealous that my girl gets all our attention, if she is sick, gmil will compare herself and go on about how terrible she feels. she does this with everyone though. but she will try to get me to stand and talk to her forever while im just trying to bring my baby her food, but gets mad when i say" hang in, let me give lithia her dinner" and she storms off. but i think she is jealous of me. like, she will be sexual towards my husband- her grandson! she will sit in his lap and when he gets upset she says " well you let her do it" like, im his wife! she will say things like " well if i was a bit younger i would go for you" or she will just blantantly walk around naked and when we get upset she says " well you let the baby do it" (we are potty training right now). its terrible. she will come up to him in his sleep and rub his legs and stuff. Or if he needs to get dressed she will want to see him naked... its disgusting. and she absolutely hates me and is so cruel and awful to me. help!! we suspect she has dementia, but her doctor wont listen to us. by the way, shes very narcissistic, controlling, manipulative, she lies about literally everything, and she talks so much crap to other people about us, that nobody takes us seriously. she plays the victim even though shes the mean one and we are super nice and patient
and helpful with her!

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Normal, healthy grandparents are THRILLED to have grandkids and great grandkids and fuss at their parents for NOT doing enough for them.

Get another doc, and change the situation ASAP. If this is NOT dementia, and is all ascribable to severe chronic narcissistic personality disorder, just get out of there - but I think, with everyone else, that she has lost her judgement, empathy, and impulse inhibition to some kind of brain function deterioriation and needs help and care. Don't just be disgusted - set limits and get help with this. I would not be above getting a cell phone video of some of this behavior and having that available for her current physician...or the new one, if this one really does not understand to even do a mental status examination with her instead of assuming because she knows his name or what day it is that she is A-OK. Older physicians received zero training in geriatrics let alone competency assessment or systems service for elders.
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This is your husband's grandma, yes? A two year old child is not safe in this environment. I'm not sure how you all got into this situation, but for the sake of your child, she at least needs to be gotten out.

Grandma is impaired, due to what is unknown at this point. An inpatient psych workup would be preferred, but getting her to a geriatric psychiatrist , neurologist or geriatrics doc, if you let her/ him know what is actually going on could be sufficient. Paramount, get your child out of this toxic environment.
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You are placing the needs of your gmil ahead of the priority of raising your daughter in a healthy environment. That is just plain Wrong.

You would like to keep gramma out of a nursing home. Well great. You are living in the dementia ward of her private nursing home. Is that really where you want to raise your family? Is that really where you want to spend your marriage? If you want to be a caregiver to the elderly with dementia, get some training and get a job. Then you can come home when your shift is over.

How you deal with jealous grandma is Not To Live With Her. That is the bottom line. If you accept that, post again for advice about how to get help for the poor old lady while you move out. If you insist on continuing to live with her, all I can suggest is be prepared for lots and lots of heartache.
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I dont know enough about your situation, but I can give you the advice that you should not raise your child in that situation. I raised my sons in the shadow of grampa and gramma that bad mouthed us to everyone in the county. They have bad memories and I regret it so very much. Grandchildren should feel love from the elders in their life and should feel like their parents are respected. Think about the message and example she will be to your daughter. Find an alternative sooner than later. And please never leave your daughter with her. I have no trust in the odd ideas that dementia folks have.
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This is a sad situation, moonflower. It sounds like a good set-up for everyone if there wasn't the jealousy and sexual behaviors. I know that has to be uncomfortable. There are some cases of Alzheimers and frontotemporal dementia where sexual acting out happens. I don't know how it was treated.

I get the feeling that your gmil may need a different doctor -- one who will listen to your concerns. The caregivers are an important part of the healthcare team and are usually more truthful than the patients. Patients are known to often not be honest with doctors.
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we are with her to help her with everything. her husband was in and out of nursing homes and those places were so sad, and we dont want to put her in there. i dont know how to find her a new doctor or even get her to cooperate. she hasnt been declared incompetent, but its clear she cant make decisions for herself. im just not sure what i can do legally. but i agree, i want to leave and have nurses and other professionals to care for her.
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Do you plan to raise your daughter in this environment? If so, be prepared to accept children's services intervention.

Grandma has mental issues, maybe dementia, and is not a person to be around a young child, especially if she provides nude exhibitions.

There were some good answers on your other post:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/elderly-grandparents-doctor-wont-help-187403.htm.

If the existing doctor won't help, find another one, as suggested on that thread.

Getting grandmother in a care facility or finding a home for your own family are the best solutions. Grandmother with dementia isn't going to change, and exposing your daughter to this environment is not acceptable. And it's cruel not to find as much help for her as you can find, even if she's not cooperative.

Why are you living with her anyway?
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