I'm 58 years old, married and I live 350 miles away from my parents, siblings and adult children from a previous marriage. I don't work outside the home because I homeschool and care for a 19 year old highly functional on the spectrum (done since age 10). (We've never had emotional or physical support of any kind from family regarding his diagnosis or our life plan for him).
Mom (86) and Dad (89) have always been in good health. Mom can do many things for herself but no driving. Her memory has also suffered greatly from the stress of this and she depends on my Dad entirely. Dad had a mild stroke 2 weeks ago. He has all his mental faculties, thank God; but had lost use of his right arm and leg. He has since recovered those things and is now home with Mom getting Home Health Care and PT.
My brothers who live close by resent that I have not dropped my life and moved in with the Mom during this period to help her. We drove two weekends with 24 hour turnarounds to be with them. We did things like run errands, clean house, do laundry and just be there for emotional support. No one seems to understand that I can't just leave to care for them or be there physically on a long term basis. I feel bad that my brothers and my sister in law and one of my adult sons is doing all the errands and such; but I can't be there to do that. My adult son even called me and said I could do more and he basically berated in a very passive aggressive way.
I really don't know what to do. I try to offer help via research and online information but no one wants to talk with me. I call the folks all the time and try to offer emotional support from here. I'm not surprised at the fact that I'm not getting information from my brothers because they have never been close to me but the fact that my son has such judgment on me really hurts. I want to be there but i just physically cannot do more than I am doing. I plan to go back for a weekend each month to help and I always tell my SIL that I appreciate everything they are all doing...she is my only point of contact...brothers don't communicate at all. I get very robotic texts from son about factual update but nothing else - very cold. I'm quickly feeling estranged from them all and it feels terrible.
Any advice on how to handle this?