Any advice on dealing with the feeling that I've lost my life?

Oh how I feel for you.....I am now 56, was 53 when my Mama, age 87 at the time, and also at the time totally independent, fell down her basement stairs, sustained a severe brain injury and I immediately left my job/career, put my home up for sale, took our my 401K and moved back to my hometown to care for her 24/7 in her home. I have no children either and am unmarried, so that was not an issue I had to consider. Looking back, was it the right thing for me to do?? Most people who know me told me NO from the start. Mama did not ever want me to do it either...BUT...like your Mom, mine was always such a good Mama and sweet Christian woman, it was never even a consideration for me to put her in a NH. I'm not saying this is what everyone should do but it was what I had to do.

Going forward..I have gone through every emotion to severe depression, to failing health, to feeling older than my Mama, to joy, to depression, to despair, to extreme loneliness, to contentment, in short...just bouncing all over the map in emotion and as the years go by (going on four now) having moments where it seems the clock is ticking faster and faster and my life is going down the tubes....Mama seems to ebb and flow mentally in her now advanced dementia and but her physical health is basically good.

I wish I had some words of wisdom...one thing I do note is you say you have friends whom you can access...BY ALL MEANS DO THAT!!!! That is one thing I have NOT had...I have pretty much been alone throughout this journey....

I finally did go to a doctor myself and get back on depression meds and that has helped...a LOT....also, I am trying to just keep the faith and know that tomorrow is not promised for any of us. I believe if I knew then what i know now I would do no different. Many times I still think I am losing my mind...or maybe already lost it. While I have never laid a hand on Mama, I have had moments of what I can only call rage where the feelings seemed so out of control I just went to a different room and got a hold of myself...But overall, I WANT to be here for her. She has always been good to me...was and is always my best friend. I don't know what the future holds...really none of us do...but I do believe God will help me do this if I just take it one day at a time. Again, my situation is different from a lot of folks, so I'm not saying my advice is worth a toot for anything...but do believe I am blessed to be here...and I know that I am going to be OK. I knew that going in so I guess that's why I didn't think beyond it, just did it....Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, keep in touch with friends and ask them for help when you need it...get counseling if you think that would help...and this site is an excellent resource....Best wishes.

If,need be get a caregiver,to come in for the day(on weekends)Or? It,get's you,out.
I,used to be a live in caretaker.Now;Sis and I,&hubby,care for my mom.Iam, 61 and,don't need many,outings.I,like to stay home.You,need to get out,here&there Best of luck HUGS

tallman, I know what you mean, even though I don't have my parents under my roof nor me under their roof, I am still an extension for things they need that they can no longer do. After going on 6 years of being their extension, I am burnt out.

Is your Mom feeling lonely? If so, any chance of her wanting to go to adult day care [seniors meeting seniors] and enjoying what the community center has to offer? That would give you much more *me* time for your business and yourself.

I know for my parents, I can't even take a vacation, or go to the movies, or even dine out because my Dad tends to fall, and Mom gets overwhelmed as she can no longer hear very well or see... calling 911 isn't on her radar, she calls me or my sig other. What scared me is that my parents might live to be 100... that's not unusual today. I probably wouldn't live to see that. Then they would probably decide it's a good idea to move to a retirement home.... [sigh].

You haven't lost your life, you have exchanged it for another life which is very draining. Dealing with the feeling??? I am with cmag - get some help for your depression.

In my view, you need to be successful at work, planning for your own old age and building your own life, living where you want to be.

You made a choice to give that up and live with your mother and are finding it hard. It is hard. Any kind of care giving is hard.

You still have choices - to get help for your depression, to examine the roots of it and make changes in your life, to stay as you are.

Many seniors do well in assisted living arrangements. There is Medicaid for those who cannot afford to pay If your mother does not need much care, she can stay in her home for now and helpers can be hired. There are lots of options. Looks like you need to consider them.

I am a distance caregiver for my mother who is 102. I still help her, look after her finances, see she has the care she needs, but am not available 24/7 and I have a life of my own, It can be done. Good luck.

I'm 59 and my mother has been with me for 9 years. I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom for you. All I can suggest is that you try to get out and do something for yourself. Don't become invisible because of her. You are still young. Take a class, go to the library, get a hobby....something that you can throw yourself into. I feel like these years have been robbed from me too, I lost my privacy and she treats my home as though it were hers. I have shameful feelings of wishing she would die. I'm sorry, but it is what it is. Best of luck to you...let us know how you are doing!

I completely understand! I am 48 years old had a career and a part time job at night was doing really well, bought a new car. When I left my jobs to take care of my Mom. I had bills, unemployment, bankruptcy, friends who do not get it., and no life. I never get to do anything outside anymore, I can't even brush my teeth or go the bathroom w/o her calling me for something. Have the time I don't get a bath. I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room with her for 14 years now! We have a 5 bedroom house. The answer to your question is Yes you have no life and you won't until its all over I know. Sorry its true and don't expect anybody to understand it they are too busy with their lives they are LIVING.

You sound like my sister. She died suddenly at 69 and Mother has outlived her. I begged my sister not to throw her life away, stressing over Mother. They did not live together, but were tethered through the telephone. Now, mother is fine (actually excellent) receiving full time care, nutrition, and baths at the NH.

Who is going to care for you, if your business isn't growing? You need to think about your own retirement.

I did move away. My mother would have done the same thing and always lived where she wanted. Good luck to you. Maybe the new year will give you strength to make some changes.

Is your mother on an antipdepression med? Are you seeing a counselor for your depression? If not, I think you should.

I know what you are talking about. Life slips by day by day and there doesn't seem to be any good answers. Booker T. Washington once said something very wise: "Cast your bucket where you stand." I am trying to take that approach and figure out how to rebuild my life where I am now. It is easier to write that than it is to figure out what to do.