Any advice on dealing with the feeling that I've lost my life?

Do you think the thought of being stuck might actually be a result of having a critical and controlling mother along with the possibility that your painful childhood memories make you cringe deep inside with some fear of making mom angry again? This is not an uncommon form of emotional blackmail that is like FOG which stands for fear, obligation and guilt. You are showing your mother a lot of empathy although as you say that you don't feel it which is ok given your background. What I'm suggesting is that you show yourself more empathy. Your mother is what she is and will never change. Sad so say, but she will never be the mother that you did not have. One way that helps deal with that is be like a good mother to yourself. What would a non-critical, not-controlling, happy, elderly mother want for her 64 year old daughter who has lost her husband to death, but still has many years ahead of her? What I'm saying is not easy to do, but understand that I feel your pain. You have a lot of supportive people here who will offer you their love, prayer, hugs and advice. We look forward to hearing your journey in future posts. Love prayers and hugs.

Omagnum.....your advise is sound , no doubt! however I find myself stuck in thought that it is my duty as her only child willing to do what needs to be done short of hunting for a suitable assisted living facility. I know It is a probability as she needs 24 hour attention and can not ever be left alone anymore. I work part-time and also , for my sanity, volunteer at a free health clinic one morning a week. I feel what I share here is another method of coping and purging bad feelings so to all who contribute and offer a shoulder to cry on, I say"thank you so much!". I pray what ever I contribute has served if only in small way others in this same situation. I am humble enough to recognize I have so much more to learn and will remain faithful to sharing what I find works and can make another caregivers life and task less stressful. I will continue to post new developments and techniques that I find may help others. I continue to pray and feel sure things will be all right.

geo123, if you feel like you have lost some pieces of your life, then you have and as her dementia increases you will end up giving up more than just all your morning activities. Unless you are wealthy, I don't see where you can financially afford to not be working at 51. I think you need to take some steps about your mother's care that will also protect your well being. So many caregivers don't live as long as those who take care of them.

JanJon13, I'm sorry that your mom is angry, negative and controlling. I am very sad that you have never had a chance to heal from loosing your husband because your older sister went on with her life, got married and could not stand her anymore. That was really not fair and your mother's dementia is going to only worsen with time. You are doing several good things to distract yourself, but those feelings of loss are still there and will probably only increases as your mother declines. I'm sure God sees you heart, but your reward for what you are doing may not be on this side of heaven. I think that you need to look into some alternatives for your mother's care so that you can have a better life yourself.

I hear you! I too am caring and live with 92 year old mother with dementia. She, unlike your mom is angry, negative and controlling , has been all her life, but is getting worse. I lost my wonderful husband of 43 years 3 yrs ago to cancer and shortly after was told by my older sister I had to take over her care as she was getting married and could not stand her anymore...Never really healed and now caring for her is overwhelming...I had a wonderful life and try to remember that when I start feeling I no longer have a life..this journey is so unpredictable and one never knows what or where we are asked to do in that path...I try to do things with my daughter and her family and keep my mind off of how sad I feel..I listen to music we loved and pray daily..I feel for her as I think she too never imagined she would have to depend on anyone for her care. I try my best and feel sure God sees my heart and will someday reward me with his graces...Hang touch and do nice things for yourself...the by product will be self- pride and honoring a love one in last stages of their life ..God Bless and touch your spirit with strength...sincerely Janette

I'm 51 and I sometimes feel like I've lost some pieces. Mom is 86, moved in this past January, and I have given up quite a lot. She has mild dementia and mild memory loss, so it's not too bad. The days are erratic, though, and I can't always predict how much she'll need me, so there are some types of activities that I have given up on.

I struggle to keep activities where I go out and meet with people and without her. I try to schedule things outside the house , together, and things alone. It's hard, though. I HAVE to be here every morning, because those are her bad times. I have given up all morning activities, for example.

Anyway, while I'm pleased on the days that she's doing well that I'm helping her and where I can see what a difference I've made in her mental and medical well-being, I do sometimes feel stressed about the things I can no longer do or feel it's too much trouble to continue with.

Canttellu, you must take charge and change the course of your life even if that means that your mother needs to live somewhere else. If you can't find a local support group, a therapist would be a good person to talk with. I wish you well in your journey.

The feeling that we get when we feel like we have "lost our life" is probably the first step to realizing that real fact. I have floundered for the past year or so with my mother who is 80. I also, somehow, lost 3 siblings who decided my mother was too much work or that she didn't quite tell the truth about things. I mourned my father's death, then my mother's personal problems coming to a head and moving in with my husband and I, and then my siblings vanishing. I don't know if I really mourn their loss, or worry that I should mourn more. I kinda don't mind it at times as I couldn't deal with the drama anymore. The sad thing is that my mother created it most of the time. Like almost any life issue that needs change, it might mean just one step toward it. It might not be a major overhaul or a financial shot in the arm, but one 15-minute break that helps calm the spirit. I think it's the reaching out to others, like your neighbors, to bring back some of the socialization that you are missing. Since visiting this site and actively engaging myself, I find that the small tidbits of advice (as well as the big ones!) have brought me back to a place from which I think I can manage all of the issues in front of me. Like all of you, I thought that this experience of helping my mother would be a piece of cake. No such luck. However, I am thankful that this site exists and I know there are a lot of people who suffer more than I. Thanks for everyone's great insight. I am surrounded by great people.

I have no life either. I had to move both of my Parents in with me and after a Honeymoon period for about a month, my life took a nose dive. I'm in my mid 40's and divorced w/no children. Make a good living. Parents are in their mid-70's with mutiple chronic illnesses. I'm either working, taking them on errands or doctor's visits or caring for them at home. I have one sibling who lives out of State, visits twice a year and only does what he wants to do. I find myself tired, sad, angry, depressed and/or hopeless all the time. As soon as I accrue some PTO at work something happens and it's gone again. I love them, but I fear I will not be around for very long if I keep on this course. I trief to find a local support group, but haven't found one yet.

I have no life either. I had to move both of my Parents in with me and after a Honeymoon period for about a month, my life took a nose dive. I'm either working, taking them on errands or caribg fircthem at hone

Elder care has improved and changed dramatically since those promises were made!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to reinforce what JessieBelle said:

We have to be practical and realistic. I am really surprised to hear over and over how many people have "promised" to their parents that they "would never put them in a home."

Let's take a look at that from a practical point of view: can we really make a promise like that? How do we know we will even be alive to take care of parents? How do we know we will be able to take care of parents? How do we know we will be financially stable enough to do so? Or, as we are seeing, emotionally strong enough to do so? Are we assuming that parents would wish to ruin their childrens' lives to keep them out of a NH?

Also, is it not true that the whole science of elder care has improved and changed dramatically since those promises were made? Elder care today includes much more sophisticated meds and much more sophisticated programs than we observed twenty years ago. What is so terrible about having meds and food taken care of, safety, no wondering, company to talk with, someone to play cards with, parties, etc.???

I say we have to do what is best for ALL. The last time I visited my grandchildren I was struck by how much they needed my attention, which had been riveted on my mom for the prior year. I said to myself: my mother is not the only person on the face of the earth--how about that! Today I am making plans to divide my time evenly between my grandchildren, my mother, and my poor old husband--and, oh yes, maybe a little for me!

As hard as it is to care for out elder parents...my worst experience is with the parent that is mentally abusive, demanding and likes to play games for attention!! My father complains, complains and still tries to use the silent treatment on me or tells me he can't hear me...when I'm trying to tell him something. Believe me...he has hearing problems...but the hearing is very "selective!" My mother has dementia...I have to do everything for her, BUT, she never complains...and it is soooooo much easier than taking care of my crabby, a**, dad! I've had enough of his bull...and in return...he is getting the silent treatment...no help with anything including his meals!!! I keep everything clean...and he could always dig in the fridge for food if he wants. I'm NOT playing that game with him anymore....and I feel much BETTER!! I have my mother and a million other things I can do...have fun alone pops!!

ldjh, very good example from Jesus himself. :)

Playing devil's advocate here, coleman. Why is it so important that your MIL remain in her home? It was important enough that you should give up your job and your own home. For people who depend on their time and income to make it by, it can take a heavy toll that is not covered by love.

Your husband's words don't apply to most situations. Usually feeling something is wrong is our body's way of telling us we need to change. If we're trying on shoes and a pair pinches our toes, we know we need to look for a different pair. If our pants become too tight, it is time to buy a larger size. If we wake up in despair about our situation each morning, we know it is time to make changes -- to get help with our situation.

There are situations where if something doesn't feel right, it is still the right thing to do. Sacrifices made for our country, our loved ones, and others can fall in this category of things. We have to decide how much we can sacrifice and draw the line when it goes down the path of harming ourselves too much when it comes to caregiving.

This is not saying that we shouldn't be caregivers, only that we should keep it in balance so we do not harm ourselves. This is why I always advise people not to quit jobs unless they can afford to do it. I feel so sad when I read of a single person who quit their job and gave up their home to go somewhere to take care of a parent who needs 24/7 care. We often get questions here about if there is any way to get paid.

BTW, I am not a selfish person. I am actually a little too selfless for my own good. But I think a lot about the way things are. What I do see is that we often put a parent very high on a pedestal, so their wishes outweigh those of all the other family members. It sounds noble to do this, but it really has no logic. Each family has to decide what the best thing to do, given their own circumstances.

But I hold firm to my thought to never quit a day job unless there is enough money put back to last you a lifetime. What cmag wrote is so wise and addresses so well the way I feel about things. He has been through it and has seen the worst, so he knows.

Here is a new take:

A few months ago I heard a preacher say something about the Good Samaritan, I'm paraphrasing here...

the preacher said if you notice, even the good Samaritan attended to the man who needed help, found him a place to rest and be taken care of, paid the person who took the ill man in to care for him, and then the Good Samaritan went on his way.

The good Samaritan did not drop everything that he had to do and care for the ill man himself, but made sure the ill man was taken care of by someone who could.

This is food for thought for all of us who for some reason, think we have to be the caretakers, even if we are sick, have to work to live, are overwhelmed with other responsibilities.....

you know as we age taking care of an aging parent or parents who get sicker and sicker, and need more and more care, is a lot different than when they took care of us as we grew up. They were young and healthy, and we grew up and took over much of the work for ourselves in time. With aging parent the opposite is the case. They need more care as time goes on and we are in our later years ourselves.

We really do not have to do the actual caregiving to be good, dutiful, loving, responsible and kind adult children.!

I too have given everything up to care for my MIL, my husban still had to work to provide for us since he has been in the military 23 years, so I gave up my mgr position with a co. I worked for 9 years to move in with my MIL so she could stay in her home. I recommend seeing a counselor to talk to it really helps. also my husband once said something that has stayed with me, It doesn't have to feel right to be right!! meaning even though this is hurting us to be apart while he serves and I care for his mom, it is the right thing to do by caring for her. she has dementia and I am doing what I can to take good care of her. the main thing is she is warm, dry and well fed. At this point it is about quality of life. I also took to thrift shops, she likes to go too and i buy wood furinture that I can refinish and then sell it or use for our own home. This is extremely helpful as an outlet for me. Every day is a new day!! try to have a sense of humor, laughter is good medicine. good luck.

I know what you feel. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I moved dad in this year when mom died. I have a wife and older children (moved out). Dad is mobile but chooses not to do much but always complains he is bored. I got him into my civic group. He has bad knees (this is new) he complains about them all the time. If he wants to do something there is not issue. I gave him a living room,bed and bath. While is not not much that I need to do it has completely changed my standard of living. I and self employed, I work at home. We don't just take off and do what we want any longer. Our love life has somewhat reduced as having another person in the house added a bit of a stress to that side (working on that). We don't visit with friends like we used to (have people over) just gets a tad weird when dad is in the middle of my friends monopolizing the conversation or we take him with us, just is weird ....... I don't unlike having him here as it is my duty but it has changed us. My siblings are out of the picture, I saw my brother at a family wedding and he didn't even speak to me.....
Dad wants to get his knees done (I have issue with it) so he wants to get them done here (Dr. is an hour away). so he says I have to take care of him while he recuperates! I live in a snowy climate and I have a 3 story house! My sister is the nurse, I told him to go stay with her. Ugh! What ever I say is wrong. So when I say I feel your pain I do. I am trying to get out more with my friends, date night with my wife and trying to feel less guilty when I go out by myself. I had a civic club to volunteer at and he was miffed I didn't tell him I was going, it was hard heavy work and I can't take my dad with me 24/7.

Jessebelle. That was such an eye opener very well written. I wish I could get past the guilt I feel about doing something about mom but I am stuck now maybe another time I will be able to get more help. Until then thank you for the wise words

JessieBelle, you are not rambling. I must admit that I had not heard of self-defeating personality disorder, but I did look it Google it. It's no longer formerly in the DSM, but it is also called Masochistic Personality Disorder. I don't know about the diagnosis, but I have read much masochistic behavior and outlooks which I find to be heartbreaking.

To stop one's job or career in their 40ties or 50ties is suicide of one's own retirement and more. I don't think any parent except one with a narcissistic or borderline personality would want their adult child to do so.

I don't understand the outlook that such extreme self-sacrifice is ok if one is not married and does not have children. That is what some siblings think of the single, single parent, or never married sibling who is taking care of mom or dad. It is the outlook that single people don't have and don't deserve to have a life which is false. My mother in law wanted my wife and her sister to spend their whole life living at home to look after them instead of having a life which was and is sick. They both got their freedom and have lives of their own.

Nor do I think such masochistic behavior sets a good example for our own adult children some of whom might do the same thing to their own destruction which I can't see a parent wanting for their adult child. Other adult children will see such extreme self-sacrifice and say to themselves that they are never going to do that for their parents and would not expect that of their own children.

I know this must sound harsh, but people the feeling of loosing your life is real and that emotion (plus anger) along with your mental and physical health is crying out that something is wrong. The something that is wrong is what I consider to be self-abuse or slow suicide by degree. I don't know how many stories that I have read of this site where a person who has sacrificed themselves so no longer knows how to live or how to go on living once the person they are doing 24/7 caregiving of dies. This is not what we need to be doing to ourselves or the example to set for others to follow.

A preacher in church today talked about the Shawshank Redemption, and I thought of how much it was like caregiving. He talked about one parolee who had been in the prison for 50 years got out and had nothing waiting for him. That parolee gave up and hung himself. Then a second parolee (Red) was released, but there was a difference. Before Red was released, his friend had escaped from prison and told him to go to a place to find something buried there for him -- a note to tell him where to come and money to get there. Because of this, Red had purpose and something waiting for him. It ended well for him. We've probably all seen the movie, so everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Caregiving can be much like being in prison, sometimes for a long time. We are changed by it. People who look at the end of their time with their loved one may worry about what is beyond. Their money is scant, their relationships are shot. There doesn't look like there is anything there. A person can get lost. Other people can say "you need to get out more," but that sounds like so much yada yada. Anyone who is a caregiver understands this, especially if they are alone.

Strange how we would never do to our loved one what we do to ourselves. We cannot sacrifice our lives so they don't have to move. That is not a fair trade. We can't cut ourselves off from human contact because they don't want anyone to come into the house. We can't dedicate our lives solely to them, because soon they will be gone and we'll be left with nothing.

We talk a lot of the group about narcissistic and borderline personality disorders. There is also a disorder called self-defeating personality disorder. One of the key symptoms of the disorder is self sacrifice. We might could be a successful person in our field, but we had to stay home and take care of our parents. Sorry, that makes no sense. We don't have to sacrifice this way to take care of parents. There are other options.

I find myself in Shawshank and I've been guilty of not paying attention to my life. It really has to end, because I am starting to feel like a dirty dog. There has to be a way to rebuild some semblance of a normal life. I don't owe my lifetime of happiness so my mother can sit in her pajamas all day and watch TV. I know I've been feeling lost, but I know it's something I have to quit doing to myself.

Pardon the mental ramblings, but sometimes we have to give ourselves a swift mental kick.

A lot of posts equate loving one's elders with not ever using facility care.

I'm not so sure this is right...or totally wrong...

Self sacrifice is a virtue, sure. But failing to take care of yourself is not. And dying of self-neglect before your caregivee passes on is pointless. They go on needing care, and you are not there at all to even make sure the facility or alternative caregivers are carrying out what you may have promised.

Love your caregivees, but love yourself too; don't try to do what you cannot do, at least year after year for an indefinite length of time, and do realize that it is not good for the past to be allowed to destroy the future. Whatever choices you have and whatever choices you make about providing care personally or with outside help, make them in good faith and with honesty and practicality in mind. May God bless you and your loved ones.

Oh my, so many of these posts are soooo helpful to read. Other folks may have compassion for care givers, but only those actually doing it - particularly 24/7 for someone with dementia - can even begin to truly relate. And the isolation of this endeavor makes hearing from others who understand utterly priceless.

Wanting to send out hugs to ALL of you!!! Thanks for sharing. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings at the moment - and too much of a "hot mess" to be able to organize them right now - but I know that when I am able to think straight and convey things, this site is a great place to do so. It is truly a lifeline.

God bless you all for the good you are doing, and the grief/frustration that doesn't always allow you to believe it, and the toll it is taking on you. Hang in there. Praying for us all!!

Tallman- The feelings you have are completely understandable. I am 56 and am taking care of a 97 year old mom with dementia. Although I left a full time job earlier this year to become her primary caregiver, I continue to have respite care in order to ensure that I do not burnout. In our 50's, we all begin to feel more tired and have less energy- and being a caregiver just makes it that much worse!. During my respite care periods, I try and continue to maintain as much normalcy as possible for myself, dinners with friends, shopping trips, etc. Sometimes my downtime is simply curling up somewhere with a good book or movie but the point is I get to control MY time, since so much of our caregiver existence is given over to be controlled by someone else's needs. You must make sure you are maintaining a social network and getting out of the house. If you can't afford private respite care, check with your local elder services agency to see what programs your mom might be eligible for, perhaps even an adult day health program which could help both of you. I know it probably doesn't feel like it, but you are lucky in that your mom is a kind person; for some dealing with an elder can be doubly exhausting if there are behavioral issues. Also, if you can find a good caregiver support group in your area, I find that friends can be helpful but many cannot understand what it truly means to care for someone full time. Other caregivers can provide a wonderful support network as they understand what you are going through.
What you are doing now for your mom is an incredible act of courage and selflessness. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for being the person you are and realize that it won't be forever. Some day you will once again be able to travel and live/do what you want and you will feel at peace with what you did for your mom. I wish you all the best!

You cannot trade your life for your mother's life. If you want to move to a colder climate then do it, if you need to build your business then do it. Look, you will have to make accommodations but do not give up your life for your mother.

It sounds like you are trying to do the impossible 24/7 care. I don't think your depression will lighten up until you make some changes in your mother's care like either hiring people to care for her at home or placing her in a nursing home.

I feel the same way, I get so angry and have to keep it under control. Sometimes I get that tone and I may raise my voice and I know it hurts her feelings and when she tells me she is sorry I feel even shi*tter. I always apologize all the time because I need to , I pray every day that I will feel better about doing this. I do have 2 grown sons who come over regularly which keeps my sanity. sort of. I have no where to go when I can go out. I wake up every morning dissapointed that I actually woke up. It is worse now that mom is on oxygen and I have to keep reminding her that it is a 24/7 thing. She has alz and forgets. I overreact and get so overwhelmed I call nurses and whoever I can to make sure she is ok. I working on getting a grip on that. I keep thinking when will this end? The I realize it ends when she passes and that hurts even more. I just wish my depression would lighten up, I am on antidepressents for years and antianxiety drugs, and I am still a mess. I am just whining and I just have to get it out. My son does not understand as he comes over and gets to leave. I understand that but it makes me so sad. My family will come whenever I invite them for dinner, but sometimes I just don't feel like cooking for 7 people. Oh well my son will always come over and help me with whatever I need. Both sons are like that. I am just whining now.

I am 47, single and recently unemployed, living with my mother who has Alzheimer's - diagnosed since 2008. Things were manageable for awhile, being able to work fulltime outside of the home and having a caregiver stay with her during the day. But as the years have gone on, as I am now unemployed and caregiver funds are just about gone, I am realizing that this may be much bigger than I am able to handle. It is giving up your life for another, and if you are a Christian, Jesus said that is the highest form of love possible. It is sacrifice and only when we see everything disappearing, we realize the extent of the sacrifice. Our lives diminish along with the loved one and from what I have been reading, our lives may terminate before the loved one. Other people really don't get it, if everyone had this isolating experience, maybe others would volunteer to help, but maybe that is a queue to the caregiver that you have walked as far as you can with your loved one. I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out and dealing with the same guilt a lot of you have talked about. I have been sleeping in the reclining chair next to my mom who sleeps on the sofa in the living room. It's funny how absurd things become "normal". You don't want to leave them behind. If you were soldiers, you stay with the wounded....and try to get them to safety and help. You adapt to their world, and it can make you feel like you are going crazy. It is a blessing and honor to take care of your parent(s), my mother did so much for me and my sister (who has her own family and does not have the capacity to help care for her). So many emotions involved and I am also feeling life draining out of me. So, do I commit my life to the end? Why are nursing homes so abhorrent? Why doesn't anyone do anything about them? They drug and make zombies out of our loved ones and none of us wants to see that happen. Having to pay $6,000 per month for decent care is reserved for the rich, who has that kind of money? It makes me angry and sad and confused as to what to do. They predict that dementia will take an increasing toll on our population and how in the world will Medicaid survive? Again, the people in our government make the kind of money where they don't get how the average American citizen is going bankrupt, becoming homeless, ... by simply their loving someone else.

A modern philosopher once said that commitment is like a roller coaster and the only time to get off is at the end. Honoring my commitment to let my 96-year-old mother remain in her home is sustains my awareness that it's a no-matter-what promise I made to her.

At the same time, many of us are not aware at the beginning just how tough it will get. Sometimes it's hard to accept that our lives have changed so drastically. However, I am convinced that my own sense of freedom and peace depends on embracing the new life as my own -- the life that I consciously chose.

So I say to myself: Okay. This is it. Now what’s the sane, the realistic way to deal with it? At first I was reluctant to ask for help, thinking I could and should do it myself. Then Mom’s condition deteriorated to the point she has to be watched almost constantly to prevent falls. I can’t leave her alone, even to work in the yard. So I asked for and got some backup.

If your financial situation doesn’t allow for hiring someone to watch and care for your mother, you could look for outside resources, possibly starting with Jefferson County government. What programs are available? Is your mother eligible for home care funded by her health insurance (Medicare or otherwise)? Is she the widow of a veteran who served during wartime and thereby qualified for Veterans Administration support?

If you are too depressed to manage the research and calling people, is there someone else who can do it for you? Once you have regular respite, perhaps your head will clear enough to see what else is needed.

Meanwhile, blessings to you and all concerned for a positive resolution to this challenge in the near future.

Tallman, I understand your feelings. I am going on year number 11 since my mother's stroke. There was no question in the beginning that I needed to take care of her, as I am her only child. However, when I first started, it's a good thing that I didn't know how much I would be giving up. Yes, I have days like yours...when I wonder how I will ever reclaim the person I once was....because you can't go through this long a process and not lose some of yourself. Even with that fear that my life will never be quite the same again, I know without a doubt that I am doing what I have to do. I had to smile when I read becky1234's account of her experiences and how she has learned to be thankful for some of the smallest things in life...that hot cup of coffee, that beautiful sunset, the sound of birds singing....because that has also become a big coping mechanism for me, too. She is right when she says 'don't focus on the long term'...I couldn't agree more...and have learned to live moment by moment, day by day. If I said it was easy, I would not be truthful....it's difficult, but this is one of the most important jobs we will ever have. And, when the day comes that we are the ones in need of care, we will be very blessed to find that someone would take care of us, as we took care of our needy parents. One bright spot...we are setting a good example for others...and in the case of myself who does have children, I feel that I am showing them the proper way to treat our loved ones. Hope you can find peace...hang in there, you are doing a very valuable service for a loved one...and, when it comes down to it, isn't that one of the most important things you can do in this life? Wishing you much luck....peace....and hope you can find happiness in the simplest of things.

I do understand all the feelings about caring for your ill parents it's been hard for us.
So much what every one has said I have though and gone through. After reading most of this I don't feel bad for my thoughts. I also realized my parents didn't take care of theirs. So wonder why I do, they lived there life as there parents go old, sick and died.We sold our home and every thing so we could travel in a 5th wheel my daughter was going to live by my dad and be there if he need help. Soon as every thing sold my dad ran her off she was the last grand kid having any thing to do with him. I felt like he did just for we wouldn't go, so every time we do we don't stay very long because some thing happens and we have to come back.
This is me rambling so much more to say. I do go to a counselor and take meds, but wife won't.

I agree. I look after my mom and she is 91. You have to regain your life back. I am not with her her 24/7, but I am only 10 minutes away from her.Enjoy what you have with her and take her places, that you both can enjoy. She will love it. You havew what it is called a burn out right now. Take care of yourself first.