I have just had to place my husband into long term care skilled nursing due to his dementia and other physical problems. I know he is safer there as he is under good care, but I still miss having him at home and being his caregiver. After 12 years of taking care of him, I know that this is a good decision, but also feel that I have given up on him. I am still trying to figure out how much time to spend with him. Still trying to deal with this.

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There are two sides to this: How much time does he need from you, and how much time do you need with him? For yourself, of course this has made a huge hole in your life (as his death would have done). You can see him when you wish, while building up a separate life at the speed which suits you. For him, he also needs to get used to being in the Nursing Home, which he can’t do if you are there most of the time. Is he missing you a great deal, pressuring you to take him back home or to spend every day with him? If so, you need to back off for a while for his sake. You need to balance both sides – the best for him and the best for you too. I am sure that you know that, and that you will sort it out over time. you certainly haven't 'given up on him'. Best Wishes.
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PPAspousew Nov 2018
Thank you for the information. I feel my life is in a state of flux. Hospice is giving me mixed signals right now, but I have not had a chance to talk with the entire hospice team. Since he is unable to communicate it makes it more difficult. Falling is a big concern since he thinks he can still walk and do what he wants.
A very wise answer from MargaretMcKen!
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Had to do it first for mother than grandmother hardest thing I had to do. My mother understands and know I cant take care of her alot of health issues.

When my grandmother was well she was the one supported me in putting my mother in a NH. Now they are together and she still sometimes ask to go home. But my mother reminds her that she lives there too.
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