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I feel like my mother is gearing up for another melt down. The last one put her in the hospital for two days. Even her doctor's nurse noticed that my mother (86) and her sister (90) seem to be coming in for what appears to be more psychosomatic issues than real ones. My aunt's are related to her increased senile dementia and quite harmless. But my mother seems to be creating hers to point up her martyrdom and gain attention. Her stories don't add up, and her agitation is from within. She's never happy but doesn't accept that she created her own situation by wanting to control everything. Their doctor's prediction to me privately was that it will end badly because of them not listening to anyone and continually getting into trouble that could have been avoided. They live alone, but I help them two days a week, and balance work and family. It's never enough, and my mother is continually challenging my boundaries and angry when she doesn't get her own way, which is to entertain her since she is bored and frustrated. I can't keep running to put out fires that she starts, but there is no reasoning with her. Any input would be much appreciated.

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It wouldn't hurt for your mother to be tested for dementia. There are many varieties, and her internal confusion could be stemming from something that she can't help. It's possible, of course, that medicine can't do anything to improve this situation (as the doctor you talked with indicated).

His or her saying it would "end badly" is confusing. Maybe the physician is correctly realizing that you can't change some situations. You are the one who is put in the hot spot, however. It's possible that you may have to look for assisted living for both of them so you don't have so much responsibility. Perhaps if they had more socialization and a way to get distance from one another they'd have fewer breakdowns. Maybe a talk with a social worker would help you decide. You can contact the Alzheimer Association in your community or call one of the social services organizations in town. Something has to change for your sake and it's possible that they could have better lives as well.
Good luck,
Carol
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I'm assuming they live together? Do they drive themselves to the Dr.?

It sounds like your mom (and your aunt too) need something else to focus on other than themselves. Many elderly people approach their various health issues as a hobby and concentrate on nothing else. And when we begin to increasingly focus on ourselves any problems or issues we may be having tend to become magnified.

Is there a way to get your mom out of the house on occasion? To a park or for a drive? Does she have friends or family members that can come and visit? What does she like to do? Is there anything on tv that would entertain her like the Home Decorating channel or the History channel, anything like that? Anything to get her mind off of herself.

Having your mom evaluated for dementia is a good idea, as Carol suggested, but that still leaves you with the problem of your mom and your aunt feeding off of one another and getting themselves all worked up into a tizzy.
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P.S. This site is such a relief and source of support and answers to tough questions!:)
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Thank you, Carol and Eyerishlass. Yes, they live together. The doctor is referring to how their sisters passed, which was tragic due to waiting too long to get in home care that I begged them to get. Unless I spoke to the doctor privately, my mother would never agree to being evaluated for dementia. He has been very helpful and understanding of the situation. Despite my husband and my suggestion, my mother refused to get a car when she moved here. They have alienated just about everyone, including our family and friends. Refuse to go to the senior center because "they're cliques." They are doing exactly what you state - feeding off of each other, magnifying problems, etc. I suggested a nice assisted living facility with lots of amenities and activities and they can easily afford, and that caused quite a horrible reaction towards me. I take them out on Tuesdays and Thursdays every week, and have them over for dinner at least once a month. Call them every day. I have a good friend they've known for years who is willing to come over once a week and clean or whatever they want. They complain and try to intimidate, even trick me to do more, but if I give in they'll never get the help they really need. I truly appreciate your input - Thank you!:)
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