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Dad has been and still is a control freak. He has to argue with her when she sees things or believes something happened that didn't. He is adament about my not going with her to her doctor and I know he isn't letting the doctor how much the dementia has advanced. I think that is because he doesn't want to hear what the doctors will actually say. I know she needs other checks than just what her gp does when they go in but they don't say anything that needs to be said. I have reminded him on so many occasions that he can't control this, this time and for the moment he will let up on trying to correct her and his need to be right all the dang time. I am at my wits end. I have printed out info for him to read and of course he doesn't.. I just wanted to know if I am not the only one out here butting heads with the other parent.

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Jamye, you can contact moms doc yourself. Send a note or fax listing your concerns. Doc will not be able to give you any info unless you have a HIPPA release. But, at least you have done all you can do.
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Yes. I have an uncle who continues to expect my aunt who has Parkinson's and dementia to behave as if she doesn't. And IMO he is also suffering from dementia. He will not go to a dr himself. My cousins are taking turns living with them and their greatest fear is that he will get too angry with their interference and make them leave. They've tried hiring help and it hasn't worked out. They do take their mom to the dr without a problem so that's not an issue for them. She is easy to care for in comparison to their dad. He has POA for their mom. They have considered trying to get guardianship but she wants to be with her husband all the time. So it is not an easy problem to handle. It's very disturbing to all the family to see this popular and well loved woman be belittled by her husband. He takes her on road trips and she has gotten lost more than once. They have cameras that the cousins monitor when they are away from the parents home. If you feel the dr needs more information just write a letter to the dr and fax it or mail it or drop it off. The dr may not have a legal right to discuss your moms care but you can give the dr information. Regardless, your father won't be able to stop the progression of your moms illness and you need to be aware of your options to protect your mom. Perhaps a visit with an elder attorney would provide you with a course of action. I know it's very tough to go against your dad in order to protect your mom.
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I'm thinking that Dad is not far behind her. There's a fine line between being in denial and being in delusion. He's terrified she will be taken from him. Is there any way you can get them some in home help? Like maybe start with a cleaning lady once a week?
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