Dealing with caregiving for more than one person?

Haven’t done that but first thing I would say is start out with your mother the way you want it to be. Set limits, don’t do things with her or for her “just until she gets used to the changes” and don’t let her take over your life. Good luck!

Xray, I live next door to my 90-yr old mom (in MN), manage care for my MIL (86 in LTC local to me) and am PoA for my mom's 2 sisters in FL (ages 97 and 100) who live in their home. You need to be organized, for sure, as your LOs lose abilities and memory capabilities and this will sneak up on you. So for your distant people it really helps to have contact and a relationship to anyone who can be a local ally for them in cases of emergency or just needing accurate info. This can be family, friends, and especially neighbors (if your Aunt lives in her home). Be sure to show gratitude to these helpers. You also have to have all her critical and sensitive info under control if she isn't on Medicaid. Do as much online as possible. If she's in a NH call the admin and staff often to forge positive and productive relationships with them (and again, be sure to show gratitude).

For your mom, if you are her PoA, be sure to get all her critical info under control and make sure anyone who visits in her home won't be able to see or access check books, credit cards, cash, passport, jewelry, sensitive records, prescription pain meds, etc. So, a locking fire proof safe (on a rolling cart cause they're heavy) is what I use. Make sure you keep track of keys and don't necessarily give your mom access to its key unless she really needs it. I just read on this forum about how a LO was caught ripping up what they thought was mail and it turned out to be the deed to their house. She had never done anything like that before.

My aunts in FL are cared for partly by a trusted relative and partly by a companion from an agency. I do as much as I can online and have a very communicative relationship with the agency admin. Every time I visit I take photos of my Aunts' state IDs, prescriptions, confirm who their current doctors are, etc. One aunt is 100% mentally functional and the other has late stage dementia.

The concern for your aunt will be advocating for her optimum health, and protecting her from harm or financial abusers (usually family). If she's on Medicaid, this latter issue won't be a problem. But if she has assets you will need to be vigilant. The same goes for your mom, as scammers and thieves are always looking for their opportunities and the elderly are always vulnerable, especially if your mom still drives and has a smart phone or computer. Which reminds me: storing her passwords and making sure she isn't constantly changing them will require some attention. Best to try to get her to trust you to manage all her accounts digitally and just give her paper printouts of finances she is interested in seeing. Keeping good record of contacts, and details is very important, and creating a management system that makes your caregiving efforts as easy and stress-free as possible is very important. Blessings!

At one time I cared for both of my parents at the same time and later my brother and mom at the same time as well as my oldest daughter who has health issues.

It’s all about scheduling. I had to be extra careful with their doctor appointments, making sure they weren’t scheduled for the same day and time.

As far as daily living. I learned years ago to meal prep, cook and freeze to reduce stress and eat healthy. I despise fast food junk and not going to allow myself to become unhealthy from eating junk.

I did not take enough time for myself. I continually put myself on the back burner. All work and no play is miserable for anyone. Don’t neglect yourself like I did. Make the time to enjoy your life. Your mental state really does effect your entire life.

When my mother first became ill, I was married and lived 700 miles away. I personally found it extremely difficult to manage her care from a distance. The constant, unexpected trips home were expensive and physically/emotionally taxing. Later when I divorced, I moved near my family and the hands on caregiving years began. It’s been 10 years now and has included the care of my mom, my aunt and my dad. I’m still caring for dad. I used to be proud of myself for all that I did but now I’m just tired and bitter. Everyone’s journey is a little different. I hope yours is the best it can be. Good luck.

I would move them together in the same facility.

how can you be a caregiver if you do not live with them -- if they fall or get in other injuries, they are still by themselves. How do you change diapers unless you pay for 24/7 caregivers, and you have to be very wealthy to be able to afford that.

As the last of my immediate family I ended up careing for both parents who were 600 miles from me.

As for out of state aunt are you the sole person looking after her? You have POA? Control of her finances? Medical info? Does she have dementia? Mobility issues?

I would need more info to give much advice. But you will have to spend some time with her and lay some track, assess the situation or hire someone to oversee her care.

between my aunt and mom and with my hubby's family.. It ws a bit of a stretch. then my married brother became part way of my taking care of hil.

As it turned out, I was able to place both mom and aunt into facilitty...One stop shop for them It was great.

How is that possible? They must be in good health. I am taking care of 2 elderly womem. Both of whom are on Hospice with Stage 4 cancer. Each live in their homes alone. I also assist 4 others. They just need help with errands. All of them are within 6 miles of my home. It's important that I take only those are living close to me. The 2 hospice patients are priority. I have to be ready whenever they need me.
It is quite the juggle, but it is my calling. I get very little pay from IHSS. Others pay me out of pocket ot with their medical insurance who offer these programs.
Good luck to you.

My mom and aunt were SIL's too... By the time I got them together, mom got ALZ and stopped talking, and aunt says very few words....
And then the facility moved them into different rooms... for the facility's benefit. They put mom in a room with a woman who had to have the tv on 24/7, with the noise... seriously????? no night time rules :( television 24/7 on and speaker on, even when hospice .. After I had a whole night with my mother, and talking and praying with a friend who actually lives in another country to pray with me, cuz she was up and alert....Thank God my brother decided to come down after 9 calls in one day.... That roommate would have had her tv re=set over her head.....
It's been a few years... no I do not hold grudges... trying not to, hence this website... I am getting it out... Please accept my apology..\\
Your mom and aunt are SIL's like my mom n aunt.... I hope they get along...
It seems like they may have their brains still engaging...
So, keep note.. Do they act accordingly? nice? hopefully,,,. Your aunt must be like mine...no kids... no immediate relatives.. children.... For I was physically closest to my aunt. I moved her 2 minutes away... Makes things much easier.
Aunt's other relatives are states away, and she does not want to live there... I am good with that... I drop in and see her anytime I want....
And on the last note: Keep your LO's CLOSE TO YOU... It's best for them and you.