Hi Linda My mom is 88 and I live with her. I am having a hard time seeing her age and slow down and drop things and I have to repeat my self a number of times as she refuses to see a doctor about her hearing loss. I love her with all of my heart and never expected to feel this way about her. I find myself sad, depressed, anxious and just downright unhappy because I cannot leave her now. Even when I leave the home I am anxious because I know I have to return to the same situation which will not change. I am in counseling but at this time it does not help. I have 3 brothers and one sister and no one ever calls to see how she is because I am here. I am blessed in a way because she is healthy but aging and it is hard to watch. I do pray a lot for strength because I sure need it. I feel like I am losing daily my best friend. Take care
I understand completely. I don't want to be cranky but each time I say I won't I am cranky again. I feel terrible. I am the person that wrote is it time for a nursing home. If my husband and I are to have a halfway normal life I have to make a decision because there is no time for us.
When I retired that same month my Mom broke her hip and had a stroke. That was 3 years ago and I think that I cannot handle it anymore.
Unlike a job you don't end at 5 oclock and have saturday and sunday off. Good luck and prays to you. You are not alone.
You are not alone, and you shouldn't feel guilty for being overwhelmed. My wife and I have just taken in my Mom and after only one month, it is really getting to my wife. She is as close to Mom as I am, but it is so hard to have someone at our home all the time. We have no kids so it's a huge change in our privacy level.
The best thing you can do is keep talking to each other. Find time to be alone - that is just as important as caring for your mom. See if you can get family counseling through your church or temple, or through senior services. See if there is anyone else in the family who can take care of mom, even for a weekend or a week. Look into senior day care services in your area, or even a senior activity center where mom could go a couple days a week. It would be good for her to get out of the house, too, and be around other people. I'm sure it's difficult for her to be so dependent, and if she's at all like my mom, she knows she's making things harder for you, and hates being a burden.
By all means, though, use this forum to vent, or any other people you can talk to about it. Make sure you and your spouse have some time away from mom, even if it's just going to the grocery together or sneaking away for an ice cream date. If you can manage a weekend away, do it. Most importantly, do not feel guilty for having these feelings. You are only human. Remember to take care of the caregivers as much as the patient.
You have to get away . You can't stay with her 24/7. Try to set a time every week for you . I hope you have help and someone to come watch your mom while you are away. That is the only way to stay sane.
ok ok...i have really had it now lol.....mom is in hospice and i am tryyyyinng to get everything she needs...the social worker told her that she should have whatever she wants right? she wanted a pair of "falsies" lol fake boobs cuz her boobs have shrunk so much she has nothing left to fill her bra. So dutiful daughter that i am, i go to 4 stores looking for them and find her some. My 21yr old calls them "chicken cutlets". I wish you could picture my 77lb mom with these gel like fake boobs that are sticking out of the sides of her bra. I wanted to laugh so hard I thought I would pee on myself. Then she tells me they are not soft enough. I quit. I am going to cut some more from the foam on her mattress..wont tell her where they came from this time.........she doesnt even go out. has been using her tanning lotion on her face...only.....i love my mom, i love my mom, i love my mom, i love my mom........ah this too shall pass i know.........its such a fine line between "i have to do this because my mom says i do" and "my mom is out of her mind" .....hmmmm maybe its me.....nite all....tomorrow is another day in the magic kingdom.....take care.
my father would not know what that commode chair is , he would think its a chairto sit in , he wears briefs and i do have padding too but he just gotta get up and go to the bathroom , givin him sleeping pills so he can sleep all night long , he still wakes up to go bathroom , if i dont come as quickly when he hollars he fights his wayto bathroom and falls down , he walks like a year old learnin how to walk . he walks with his walker .. my father forgets what i said to him , pee in ur briefs do not go bathroom ! wakes up in daze and wants to go home , just sad sad situations ...
the ray of light is that all of us caregivers are getting a frontrow seat into our own futures, so that said, be a little bit kinder to yourself and your loved one and live for the day - sometimes good as it gets really is.
It is so hard to deal with 24/7 I use to feel better just getting it off my chest or as they say venting and you do get to feel like a pressure cooker it seems the happier are the ones who can arrange a seperate living area for the eldery family room even if it is one large room with a bathroom it is theirs something of their own I have seen that arrangement work when different generations live together -my husband use to hum and it drove me bonkers-one time while he was in rehab I fixed my small bedroom up with a comfortable chair so I could hang out there,
My mom is 88 and I live with her. I am having a hard time seeing her age and slow down and drop things and I have to repeat my self a number of times as she refuses to see a doctor about her hearing loss. I love her with all of my heart and never expected to feel this way about her. I find myself sad, depressed, anxious and just downright unhappy because I cannot leave her now. Even when I leave the home I am anxious because I know I have to return to the same situation which will not change. I am in counseling but at this time it does not help. I have 3 brothers and one sister and no one ever calls to see how she is because I am here. I am blessed in a way because she is healthy but aging and it is hard to watch. I do pray a lot for strength because I sure need it. I feel like I am losing daily my best friend.
Take care
When I retired that same month my Mom broke her hip and had a stroke. That was 3 years ago and I think that I cannot handle it anymore.
Unlike a job you don't end at 5 oclock and have saturday and
sunday off. Good luck and prays to you. You are not alone.
Barbara
The best thing you can do is keep talking to each other. Find time to be alone - that is just as important as caring for your mom. See if you can get family counseling through your church or temple, or through senior services. See if there is anyone else in the family who can take care of mom, even for a weekend or a week. Look into senior day care services in your area, or even a senior activity center where mom could go a couple days a week. It would be good for her to get out of the house, too, and be around other people. I'm sure it's difficult for her to be so dependent, and if she's at all like my mom, she knows she's making things harder for you, and hates being a burden.
By all means, though, use this forum to vent, or any other people you can talk to about it. Make sure you and your spouse have some time away from mom, even if it's just going to the grocery together or sneaking away for an ice cream date. If you can manage a weekend away, do it. Most importantly, do not feel guilty for having these feelings. You are only human. Remember to take care of the caregivers as much as the patient.
We are all pulling for you and each other.
Casey
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