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So many of us are in the same boat I know. I wasn't looking to rehash but, wanted to find some good ideas when dealing with these folks. I have POA have HC and am Executor. I take care of mom, she lives with me full time, pay for a cell phone so these folks can speak with her when they feel like calling. I do have a tiny bit of help from two siblings two days every two weeks or so. I share everything with them. The other three do not help at all (one I have spoken here about before - was squatting in moms home) but, when they do call they quiz mom on what I am doing with her, are confrontational when I do offer info and never offer support.

So how do you deal with it? Go out of the room when they call? Answer their questions, ignore them? I think I am a pretty rationale person and try to always put myself in their shoes but, enough is enough...

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I don't think getting rid of Mom's phone will help; you don't need to give her more to complain about. Not allowing Mom to speak to the other members of the family as some here have suggested won't help in the long run, either. If your siblings feel you are uncooperative or an obstruction they will only stir up more trouble, be it showing up at the house unannounced to check on Mom or hiring an attorney to fight for access and/or control of her affairs. The best thing you can do is do what you are doing — remain cool, collected and matter-of-fact.

Parents who are going through an illness or otherwise often pine for the members of the family that only say or do what they want to hear. They may take for granted or even resent the person who is actively providing the care because they have difficulty relinquishing control even if they know they need help. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon and I'm going through it myself. My husband's out-of-area siblings are told by their parents how proud they are and how much they love them — but my in-laws don't say that to the son who is looking after them. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do but attempt to be the bigger person for the sake of not escalating the conflict/mistrust. Develop coping mechanisms to keep you sane: Schedule time away from the situation to clear your head and seek out support here, through a counselor or friends who are going through a similar situation.
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I have POA, etc. and largely ignore my sibling. Although some of her barbs do hurt, I do not retaliate. I would never get in the way of communication between her and mother, unless I was convinced it was harmful to mother. I would not be inclined to offer the critical sibs much information. Last winter, my sis asked me if I could justify my actions in a certain circumstance. It was an attack. I answered that I had no intention of justifying my actions to anyone. She had no come back. Later she made some serious, though totally unfounded accusations and I have ceased direct contact with her. I would go out of the room when they call. You are doing a great job!!! I am sorry that you are getting this kind of interference. ((((hugs))))
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Zzz, I have nothing to add but a salute to your forbearance and your focus on your mother's overall wellbeing. Do I think you're right to enable your mother's talking to your back-seat siblings independently? Absolutely. Do I blame you for grinding your teeth over their intensely irritating attitude? Not a bit. And boy! - do you have the moral high ground! Eyes on the prize. You're doing a brilliant job.
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ZZZ, sorry, I forgot to include the URL.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/My-sister-filed-a-motion-for-Guardianship-of-my-father-But-could-not-prove-her-case-Is-my-father-obl-171041.htm

Not to challenge you, Maggie, but it might even be easier for Mom to use a corded phone as she can hold it better. And sibs can call on a corded phone just as easily as a cell phone, and Mom can still be enriched and keep in touch with them. Plus it saves money.

But then I'm not a proponent of having multiple phones as some folks do - my cell phone is ONLY for emergency.

And I do agree that positive touches are important for elders...actually for anyone!
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Before you cancel the cell phone, think about whether their calls enrich your mom's daily life or detract from it. If you cancel the cell, they'll just call your home number. Seems to me like the cell phone is a good alternative.

Me? I see every "positive touch" my mom receives to be an enrichment. Lord knows her world is small enough. If the calls drove her crazy, though, the phone would be discontinued and calls from her children would have to go through me.
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Garden, I can't find the post when I put it in the search bar
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You've got three choices:

#1 -- Don't talk to them. "Oh, sorry can't. Too busy."
#2 -- Talk to them and let it upset you.
#3 -- Talk to them, consider the source, let it go in one ear, and out the other.

Whatever your pleasure. Your house? Your rules.
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ZZZ, read the post

My sister filed a Motion for guardianship ..."

You never know what disgruntled siblings will do and this is a good example of a caregiver who was prepared.

I agree with the cell phone suggestions; there's no need for one, and it still hasn't been proven that batteries that close to the brain are not without harm.
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I would get rid of the cell phone.Make sure you have caller ID on your phone. If they call just hand the phone to mom and go do something else somewhere else.Make sure you do have all your legal documents and receipts up to date because sad to say these guys sound like they will be trouble for you when you mom passes away, they are going to want money.
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Just ignore them.. They obviously are not willing to take on a caregiver role...

I wouldn't pay for a cell phone for Mom.. If they want to talk with her they can call you.. If Mom insists on a phone she should be paying for it herself...

To put yourself in someone else's shoes is noble but your rational mind will never understand their dysfunction. Stop wasting your time thinking about them... Enjoy your time with your Mom..

Your a kind and loving daughter and she's lucky to have you..

Hugs...
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