Dealing with a narcissist that passed away: How should I feel or not feel?

Are people expecting you to feel sad for this man or show some kind of grief. You can't if u don't feel it. To invite u to dinner and then say there isn't enough is cruel. Why did ur Mom allow this. I would not help or enter his house if my child was treated this way.

You owe this man no tears. He was a jerk with Mental problems. I had an Uncle like that. He weighed about 300#s and told my 12 yr old daughter she was fat. At 45, u do not mention his name around her.

How I or anyone else tells you how to feel is useless. You feel how you feel.
There is no explanation for how we experience grief or relief with the death of a loved one. And sometimes it is a combination of both grief and relief. ( I just coined a new word..Grelief!)

Each of us will grieve in our own way in our own time.

Another thing after my mom died he made it a point to tell me to shut up a lot I never did anything to him last year went to see a movie told me to shut up twice you no what I did told him to shut up after we left.Last year helped them with a garbage sale told us to park our cars away from the condo so he would it see them another thing they would invite us over for dinner they all ways said we don’t have enough food for me.So I would go to Taco Bell and purposely stay in my car until my dad was done eating then my uncle was like where were you well eating Taco Bell then he was like oh I can go on I bought a snack with me to eat they thought it was their food I’m like I got it from home my uncle was like the candy bar was to loud for him then my zipper on my purse was to loud had to leave it in my car I ca go on and on he actually told me the zipper was to loud not kidding so I left my purse in my car my car keys were to loud for him to he was it nice about it

Why do people think that when someone dies you have to be sad about it. I had a Uncle who was a sociopath. Even his sister did not care for him. He lived in a bordering state so did not see him much but enough. Did I miss him when he died, no. We had no relationship. His brothers I miss but both died in their 80s so I didn't grieve as such, just miss them.

If you feel nothing thats OK. You can't mourn for someone u were not close to. You can mourn you never were able to have a relationship but that was his fault, the narcissism made it hard to have a relationship. So, if you didn't cry a tear, thats OK.

You honestly think you can dictate to yourself what you FEEL? Because our feelings are "emotions" and are driven by a portion of our brains that are quite primitive and not under conscious control.
So start there. You feel what you feel.
That's the beginning and the end of it.

Now on to rational THINKING which involves our evolved brain and our cerebral cortex. That is capable of saying "They did the best they could with their own limitations" or "I honestly can't say I am sad or sorry this person is gone; he/she was so difficult. But I do understand that he was dealing with his own limitations". Or "Some of us are nice and some of us aren't, and in all reality human beings can be real jerks" or or or or. You can work it out any way you like. Our rational thinking can help us deal with our feelings.

But as to changing FEELINGS, they come and go like weather systems. So just wait them out.

How can anyone tell you "how you should feel" at the death of a family member?

It's up to you as to how you want to feel. You can feel sad, glad, relieved, or all of the above. Only you know you, so Lolaloud, YOU DO YOU!

Just let yourself feel what you feel.

Then be grateful that you and everyone else won’t have to deal with him ever again.

I really did it have a relationship with them they were not in least interested in me even when I have gotten older

It had definitely impacted my aunt the last few years unfortunately she has become a narcissist as well she has signs after living with one for years she is used to the abuse all ways blamed his meds no he was a big narcissist

Well, You are allowed to feel relief if their narcissist behavior impacted your life in any kind of negative way. So if the reason you are asking is cause you are feeling guilty for feeling that way stop. Cause it's only natural.

You can also feel sad that they couldn't have been a more positive light in the world and hope that possibly they have shed all that negativity in the afterlife and are at peace.

What was your relationship with them?