Follow
Share

Any tips for letting go?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I think it pains most people to have lost a relationship with a sibling; when this happens I think it is easier to just let it go after attempting to form a relationship that is not going to happen. When you think about it, with siblings, we are born into the same family - and not by choice. For me, the friends I have chosen are more family to me than my own surviving sibling. Once I accepted this, it was easier to move on.

Everyone is different - It was painful to accept that we were only closer under certain circumstances...I love my sister, but we are different people in so many ways. We have an amicable relationship. Not the one I would ideally have; but at least peaceful. My ex-sister-in-law is more of a sister to me. And I feel blessed to have her in my life. Acceptance and forgiveness for any grievances is what helped me. Take care.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

The sibling is my brother, we are two years apart in age. I was closest to him growing up. He and his wife moved away after graduating from college. I used to watch their baby in between my classes, so my brother could go to his classes. I would fly to visit them a couple of times a year. We were very close until my Mom died. I think if he lived closer, he would have helped with Mom and Dad. I have asked what I did, but haven't had any luck. His wife was very concerned with who was going to get what when my father died. They wanted him to spell out everything in his will. He didn't have the energy to do it and he told me that he didn't want to. He told me to have us buy the large things and make lists for dividing the smaller things. Maybe they are mad about that. I really don't know why they are cutting me out. They should be mad at Dad for not doing what they wanted if that is what it is about.
I do like the idea about grieving the loss in writing. I think I will do that. If they won't allow me to mend things, I will have to find a way to accept it.
The funny thing is, I have mended the relationships with my other two siblings who live closer. I did it by just treating them like people I know. From there we started to form some new memories. We all are in pain from the loss of our parents, some take it out on others, some direct it inward. I tend to direct it inward.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

It sounds like your sibling was only a sibling when your parents were alive - for their sake. Now that they're no longer here, there is no need to continue their relationship with you. Hard to say Why since not much info was given. The Why will help with the How.

Since sibling wants to end all relationship with you, perhaps you need to mourn the death of this relationship? Make a symbolic funeral arrangement of burying your relationship. Then mourn, get angry, mourn - just like one does from suffering a real death in the family. Write a journal - of the childhood you shared, the growing apart, the last meeting, the death of your family, and the final conclusion. Keep this journal, put it away, deep down under something. And start thinking - as if you no longer have a sibling.

If you love animals, maybe get a nice not so energetic little dog? Or if you don't care to do too much - then a cat? Perhaps join a club (health club, book club, cancer or alzheimer organization, etcc) and meet new people. Make new friends. Sorry that your sibling has decided to close her end of the family connection.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You'll be raising eyebrows all over the AC forum with that question. "Oh the pain the pain how shall I ever bear it…"

O happy day, more like.

But clearly you're the exception: what happened?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

To tell the truth, if one of my siblings cut me out of their lives when my mother dies I would just sing the Roy Clark song "Thank God and Greyhound." I suspect that my brothers and I will go our separate ways when Mom dies. She is the only thing pulling us together, and even now it is a very weak pull.

Was there animosity between you and your sibling? or did you just not have anything in common anymore? Without some more information it is hard to know what happened.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It's really hard to answer a question like this without knowing the relationship between you and your sister, and what caused her to adopt the position she has.

I did see that you've posted and answered other questions, but it does become time consuming to check them out.

Guess my first thoughts would be to consider the issues that caused her action and think about whether there's any way you can reopen them and come to some sort of resolution or agreement.

Were you close as children, and adults? Was her current action something that arose from caregiving responsibilities?

If there's a long history of friction, you may just have to accept that for the time being there will be this rift.

In time, she may view the situation differently and initiate contact (I'm assuming that you've tried to discuss her issues and resolve them but that attempt has not been successful).

I think if you've done all you think is reasonable, and there's no blame on your part, there's not much else you can do except move forward, and/or perhaps make another attempt to renew contact at some time in the future.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

i had a sis kept sending me hateful emails . i could tell she was just hurting , having never had a good relationship with mom . i just wrote back and told her i apologise if theres things i didnt do well enough but the animosity just isnt here , i dont want to exchange s*itty emails with you . she wrote back with her own apology and actually were closer than ever before .
my other sis thinks she ' won ' a house and property . she didnt win anything , she'll always be a loser ..
the moral ; one sis is worth befriending , the other , good riddance ..
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.